Picking Up The Pieces
by wildbats
Summary: After missing for months, one CSI has to struggle with what horrific things happened to him as a result of his past. How it will affect his relationship and their future together?  Nick/Greg pairing.  Mature Adult rating for strong sexual/violence themes
1. Chapter 1 Found

_A/N- This is a story I've been working on for a couple of months now. I will be updating it fairly frequently as I have already completed it for the most part. The story takes place primarily in the present with the events of what happened done in mostly flashbacks. As stated in the summary, warning of mature adult themes and sexual violence. This is a Nick and Greg pairing. if you do not like, do not read. Otherwise I hope the first chapter pulls you in and you want to keep reading more. Let me know what you think. Thanks._

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He walked into the white sterile room slowly. He took a deep breath as he looked upon the man he loved, bruised and broken in so many ways. He wondered if he would ever be the same after the last four months of hell he went through. The biggest problem was he did not even know the least of what he went through. They only found him less than 24 hours ago.

He sat down in the chair by his bedside and gazed wearily as he took in the bandage wrapped around his neck and the bruises that he knew were underneath the hospital gown. He thought back to earlier the night before when they finally had a strong lead on the location where his boyfriend had been kept prisoner for almost 4 whole months. It was 117 days to be exact. It was an old rundown house on the outskirts of town that had in the past been known as a drug house but had long since been vacant. The lead came in at midnight exactly. Unlike previous leads, this one sounded reliable.

Nick remembered when he came home that day and found no sign of Greg in the apartment. He had called his cell phone and it was turned off. His car was in the driveway but he was nowhere to be found. When he called all around and no one had heard from him he became very worried. At first the others kept asking him if they got into a fight and that maybe Greg had taken off but Nick knew that was absurd. It would not explain him not coming into work the following evening. Nick believed that he had been taken by someone. Since he had been kidnapped himself, he was very aware it could happen.

_Everyone else had told Nick that if they ever found Greg, most likely he would be dead but Nick refused to believe it and insisted on following up on every lead. There was something about this man who called him directly on his cell phone telling him to look for Greg Sanders at 1918 Riverrock Drive in the basement. No one had ever before said his full name; they always just referred to him as the missing CSI. Nick had gone to Catherine and Brass immediately after receiving the call and said they had to go. Catherine and Brass both had been down this road with Nick numerous times before and it always ended up being a dead end. They missed Greg too but they had all but given up hope. He had simply disappeared with no trace. _

_ "We have to follow this one up. I have a feeling this one is different. Please, I have to go," he begged Catherine and Brass in Catherine's office. _

_ Catherine had looked at Brass and sighed, knowing Nick would go on his own if they told him no anyway. "Okay, we will go out with you but I don't want you getting your hopes up too high again. It takes a little bit out of you each time when we don't find him."_

_ Nick sighed, "I know but I can't say why but this time it feels different."_

_ "Okay, we'll be ready to leave in 20 minutes," Brass told him._

_ Nick remembered driving into this rundown neighborhood with more empty houses than occupied ones and having a feeling that Greg was near. He was never one to believe in being able to 'feel' your loved one's presence but he swore he did. Greg and he had been a couple for 5 years now, no one knowing about their relationship until he went missing. It had not really been a shock to anyone; they all figured when they moved in together as roommates that it was more than that. But it did make them all that much more concerned about Nick dealing with Greg's disappearance. He appreciated their concern but in the last month he had grown angry with their attitudes that they would not find him. Nick just did not believe he was gone forever. He was out there somewhere, he just prayed, still alive._

_ They had pulled up to the address given and saw a house built in the 70's that had boarded up windows and overgrown grass. Brass and another officer had gone on ahead and made sure no one was around, and then they kicked down the locked front door. Nick went in side by side with Brass. Inside the house was an old beat up sofa and table with chairs. There were signs that someone had been there recently. Cigarette butts littered the floor along with the musty smell of smoke, marijuana and alcohol. "Still a drug house, it seems," Brass muttered. Nick had gone on ahead with his gun drawn. He started opening doors, looking for the one that led to the basement. His heart was beating rapidly as he got to the door right off the kitchen. Brass had come over to him and nodded for him to go ahead. _

_ Nick opened the door and pointed his gun immediately in case someone was there on the other side. Brass had yelled down that they were the police but there was no response. Brass was about to think this was another dead end but then the smell of urine, alcohol and blood flooded his nose. _

_ Nick had smelled it too and suddenly fear gripped at his heart that they were too late. He went down the stairs first, still holding his gun in one hand and a flashlight in the other. The basement was dark. As Nick got to the bottom of the stairs, he shined his light around and then saw his worst fear. He saw a naked man, with his back towards them, curled up on a dirty mattress. He walked over slowly to him, fearful of seeing the man closer. The old scars on the upper back of the man proved to Nick that this was indeed Greg. He knew those scars anywhere, however the rest of him he did not recognize. He ran over and immediately noticed a leather and metal collar with a chain attaching it to the wall, around Greg's neck. He reached for the thin right wrist of the man he loved and checked for a pulse. He was relieved when he found a weak one. _

_ "He's alive, call the paramedics!" He yelled out. Brass found a light switch and turned on a light. He made the call while Catherine came closer and gasped as she shined her flashlight over to where Nick was. Greg's body was bruised and had dried blood in numerous areas. He was so thin and boney looking. _

_ Nick had seen the same and noticed burn marks and other bruises all over his body. He looked up at Catherine, tears in his eyes. "Can you find a blanket for him? I think there is one in the back of the Tahoe."_

_ "Yeah, sure," she said in a daze before finally breaking her stare at the battered body of Greg and running up the stairs._

_ Nick had stroked Greg's hair, which had grown longer since he had been gone. Also he had some facial growth but not as much as he would have thought. It almost appeared as if he had only a few days growth. "You're safe now, baby. We're going to take care of you. No one will hurt you again."_

Nick said the same thing to him again as he looked at his sunken face while stroking the hair off his forehead as he lay in the hospital bed. "I'm going to find the bastard that did this to you and kill him."

-break-

Sara shook her head. She was having a hard time processing the scene where one of her best friends had been held captive for so long. She glanced up at Catherine, who also seemed to be having a hard time with it. The only one who seemed to be handling the situation okay was Ray Langston, as he had not known Greg as long or nearly as well as everyone else. Still even for him, it was rough.

They had brought in some lighting to see better down in the basement since the one light in the basement was dim. The true torture that Greg must have gone through became more evident in the better lighting. The chain that had been attached to the collar that had been fixed around Greg's neck now hung down in the right corner of the wall, nearest to where the filthy mattress that they found him laying upon. The chain apparently had been long enough to allow him to go as far over to the next corner where a toilet and sink were. It was not long enough to stretch to the staircase or to the tiny clouded up window that was on the other far wall. It had apparently held him to that one side, far enough from any possible escape route, even though that would have required his ability to remove the collar which they knew he had not been able to, not to say that he had not tried.

Catherine remembered seeing the paramedics and a locksmith trying to remove the collar from his neck before they took him away on the stretcher. Once it was removed, it revealed that it had been cutting into his neck and dried blood ringed his neck, with ugly black and blue bruises. Those were the least of his injuries.

His body was black and blue all over, with nasty red welts and burns over his torso and arms. His wrists also must have been restrained recently as they showed red welts circling them. His face was covered with dried blood and his lip and cheek were swollen. Catherine thought that when he was beaten that was bad enough, but this was far worse they would come to discover.

Sara stood up finally from taking swabs from the floor by the mattress and dropped her hands at her sides. "I can't do this anymore. I can't stand the thought of what happened to him here and whoever did this is still out there."

Catherine knew how she felt; it was taking everything she had to continue to take samples of the blood stains on the mattress. "I know, but this is the only way for now we can help find out who did this to him until he is able to tell us."

Ray stood up from where he was and spoke up. "Look, why don't you two process the upstairs and I will finish up down here. You two are too upset to deal with this down here anymore. I can handle it."

"Thank you, Ray. Let us know when you are done. We will have the mattress brought back to the lab and anything else we can." Catherine grabbed the things she had collected and started going upstairs. Sara followed after doing the same thing.

Sara put some of the swabs in an evidence bag and had an officer take them back to the lab immediately for DNA testing. She looked at Catherine now that it was just the two of them upstairs.

"There were semen stains all over that mattress and on the floor. What hell did they put him through?" she asked quietly as tears threatened. Catherine just shook her head not even wanting to think about their sweet Greggo and what he must have gone through.

"I don't want to know almost but I know we have to find out so we can catch whoever did this to him. We owe him that much. We owe it to Nick too, to keep looking. While Greg is in the hospital we won't be able to depend on Nick for anything. He's going to stay by his bedside the whole time, I can guarantee it. So it is up to us to find out what exactly happened until Greg can fill us in, hoping that he can," she added, not sure what shape he would really be in once he woke up. She only knew that he was going to need a lot of support from them.

"I just hope he will be okay. I'm really worried," Sara added.

"Yeah, well so am I but we have to have faith that he is in good hands at the hospital now."


	2. Waking Up

_A/N- I've decided to post the second chapter already since so far the response seems pretty good and I have time to post another chapter. This one will start to reveal a little of what happened. Don't ask me why I always seem to put Greg through hell because I truly love the guy. LOL I guess it's just my desire to see him get some really emotional stuff and then I do it 200%. Remember my Mature warning, as chapters go on and more gets revealed, it get uglier. Poor Greggo. Please review if you like._

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As consciousness slowly came to him, the pain did not seem as bad as it had been previous times he woke up. He didn't bother opening his eyes because it was usually too dark to see anything anyway. Besides half the time his eyes were swollen shut as it was. There was something different about the noises and smells around him though he was beginning to notice. He heard beeping and did not smell the sweat, blood and urine this time around. Things smelled clean, antiseptic like. Had they been there and cleaned while he was unconscious? That would have been something new. Maybe Chris was starting to feel bad for him and figured the least he could do was clean the place up some. But he didn't think that was it. There was something different.

Then he suddenly realized someone was holding his hand. Then a voice spoke.

"Ahh, Greg, I'm so sorry it took us so long to find you. This should have never happened. But when I find out who is responsible, I'm going to kill them." The voice was sweetly familiar, a voice he never thought he would hear again. That slight Texan drawl had him thinking he was daydreaming again. So often he thought he would hear Nick's voice calling him from afar, trying to reach him but it was never the case.

He felt his right hand being squeezed lightly. "Come back to me, Greg. I need to know you are going to be okay," he heard him say.

Greg was scared to open his eyes and that it would all have been an evil dream again. In any case he knew he would never be okay again, not after what he went through. It would haunt him for the rest of his life, if he lived to tell about it.

He decided to dare to squeeze the hand back. "Greg! Can you hear me? If you can hear me, open your eyes, Baby. Open those beautiful brown eyes of yours, please," he heard Nick beg him. It seemed too real, _please let it be real this time_, he thought_. Please no cruel dreams._

He cracked open his eyes and noticed the brightness of the room. It actually hurt his eyes; he was so use to the mostly dark basement. He kept his eyes squinted from the light but turned his eyes to the right and saw him. He saw tears come to the Texan's eyes as he smiled at him in joy.

"Greg, you're safe now. It's okay, Baby. You're in the hospital. You're safe," Nick kept telling him as he rubbed his thumb over the back of his hand.

Greg opened his mouth in an attempt to say it was bright but his throat was so raw and dry nothing came out.

Nick saw him attempt to speak and stopped him. "Hey, no need to say anything. Do you want some water to drink?"

He nodded slightly and realized it hurt to move his neck. He took his free hand and touched it to his neck. He felt a bandage wrapped around his whole neck.

Nick saw him make the movement. "Your neck was pretty messed up. They have you wrapped up for now. I should probably call your doctor and let her know you are awake." He made to get up but Greg clutched his hand tighter.

Greg was afraid of being left alone suddenly. He was afraid they would find him again and take him back to his hell.

Nick saw the fright on his face suddenly and sat back down. "Hey, I'm not going anywhere. I'll sit right back here and just use the call button instead, okay?" He pushed the button on the bedside instead and smiled softly at him as his clutch on his hand remained tight. He brushed some hair that had fallen into his eyes out of them. "We'll have to give you a shave when you feel a bit better. You look rough with the scruff. You're much more handsome clean shaven."

Suddenly Greg's eyes opened wider and he pulled his hand away from Nick's and attempted to move away from him. He looked scared out of his mind.

"Hey, what did I say? It's okay, Greg, it's me, Nick. I'm not going to hurt you," Nick said hurriedly, wondering what he said to trigger such a reaction.

Little did Nick know that he said almost the same thing that Jasper Marks had said to Greg frequently before he went to shave his face. Jasper had always liked Greg clean shaven and preferred him that way overall. The first time Jasper tried to shave off the growth on Greg's face after he held him captive for about 5 days; Greg tried to break out of his strong grasp, only to be hit in the face so hard that he thought his face would be swollen forever. He eventually just let him do it, but felt like a fool having him do it to him so often.

Jasper would finish shaving his face and look admiringly at him, saying, "Now you look so handsome, not so rough like you do with facial hair. You're just how I always loved you looking, so handsome and young and all mine, forever."

Greg shuddered at the memory and looked at Nick again, who was at a loss of what happened to cause his reaction.

"Mr. Stokes, oh, I see our patient has woken up," a warm female voice said. Greg looked over and saw a short-haired, blond woman in her fifties approximately, in a doctor's coat, walk into the room with another female who appeared to be a nurse.

Greg relaxed a bit seeing the two females come into the room. Nick noticed this also. "Uh, yeah, he just woke up a couple of minutes ago. I was just going to get him some water to drink," he said to them. He looked back at Greg who was avoiding him suddenly.

"Hello Mr. Sanders, my name is Dr. Lois Clark. I was here when you came into the emergency. I'm glad to see you awake," the blond haired doctor said to him.

Greg nodded slight to her and then looked nervously over at Nick. He did not want him around now. He felt that Nick would not understand why he was feeling scared of him and not wanting him to hear what the doctors might say about him.

Dr. Lois Clark noticed his leery glance towards his partner and understood his discomfort. "Mr. Strokes, is it alright if you step out a moment while I have a talk with Greg here?"

Nick looked dejected when he noticed that Greg seemed to want this too. "Yeah, sure. I'll be back though once you are done."

"If that's what Greg wants, then you can," Dr. Lois told him. He seemed perplexed by this response but left the room, looking back at Greg as he opened the door. Greg seemed still so scared. He hated seeing him like that, especially seemingly due to something he said to him.

The nurse handed Greg a cup of water with a straw in it. She held it for him as he gingerly took a sip. His raw throat finally felt some relief. "Thanks," he said in a raspy voice.

"Melinda, can you excuse us for a moment?" Dr. Lois asked of the nurse. The dark haired nurse nodded and left the room.

Dr. Lois pulled up a chair and sat down. "Greg, I want to go over your injuries with you and then try to ask you some questions if I can."

Greg nodded cautiously. He had a good idea what the questions might be but he felt comfortable around her for some reason. She sort of reminded him of his mother.

"You're extremely malnourished. You have some broken and bruised ribs which are probably causing you some pain when you breathe. You have some pretty serious small burns on your body but they should heal pretty well with time. Your left wrist is broken and I am pretty sure by now I am not telling you anything new. I am pretty sure you are well aware of your injuries. I'm leaving out some but as I said I am sure you already know," she said somberly. She felt sorry for the young man. She had heard about the search for him on the news and when she saw him come into her ER, she felt even sorrier for him. She had seen a lot of crime victims in her lifetime come through the ER but never one that had so many various injuries and signs of torture as he had. She also knew that there was even more to it than that and then the unseen emotional effects.

He nodded slightly, aware that she was leaving out injuries he rather not be reminded of. He shifted to try to get more comfortable on the bed. "My neck," he asked with that raspy voice.

She nodded. "Yes, your neck will have some scarring from the collar that was around your neck. Honestly, you will have a lot of scars remaining from what happened to you. May I ask you some questions now?"

He nodded that she could. He knew she would have to ask certain questions and decided to not avoid it. He trusted her for some reason.

"Can you tell me what they used to cause those burns you have? Some seem like cigarette burns but others are more vicious looking?"

He closed his eyes, remembering the first time Jasper took out his mini torch and took it to his bare chest. He shuddered momentarily at the memory. "It was a mini torch," he said so softly she could barely hear him.

She bit her lip, feeling so horrible she made him remember something like that. "I'm sorry, Greg. I know this has got to be rough to talk about. I just want you to know we've run some preliminary blood tests and see no signs of sexually transmitted diseases. But you will have to take some every six months."

He felt a little nauseous at her mention of the tests. He knew it was inevitable but still hearing it made him realize there was that chance he could end up with one, even though no one knew who was responsible for what happened to him yet. He was actually surprised that was not what Nick asked him first; who did this to him. It didn't matter, he would never forget who was responsible for the four months of hell he went through.

"I understand," he said softly again.

"Okay, well you need your rest so I will not keep you much longer. You can give yourself more morphine by pushing this button," she said as she showed him where to push.

"Also, if there is anything you need, just use the call button. I'll be leaving soon but I will check on you tomorrow when I come in. You will be here for at least a few days while you regain your strength and we get you back to health. Do you want me to send Mr. Stokes back in or do you want to be left alone?"

"Alone for now…just really tired," he said weakly as the pain he was in started to flare up.

"Okay, I will tell him to come by later on today and that you need your sleep. Take care, Greg."

"Thanks," he whispered. He watched her leave and then pressed the button for the morphine. His whole body ached something fierce, reminding him of all that happened to him. He momentarily wondered if they had caught Jasper and his friends before sleep claimed him.

Nick could not believe that Greg did not want to see him until later on. He had so much he wanted to say to him and ask him. He had not even had a chance to ask him who did this to him. But he knew Greg did need his rest and he only wanted him to get better.

"Hey, how's he doing?" He looked up and saw Catherine and Sara arriving to the hospital waiting room.

"He's sleeping. He woke up and talked to his doctor some, I guess. He woke up when I was in the room with him and seemed okay but then I said something and he sort of freaked out and pulled away from me. That was when his doctor came in and took over," he sighed.

Sara sat down next to him. "What did you say to him that freaked him out?"

"I was commenting on how he needed a shave, he's all scruffy. But then he pulled away from me and I don't know why," he frowned.

"Well he did not have a full beard which I would think after four months he would have. Maybe the guys let him shave for some reason," Catherine said to him.

"Or they shaved for him," Sara suggested. "Maybe just the thought of someone doing that to him brought back painful memories."

Nick thought for a moment. "I guess that is possible. Why would they shave him if they are keeping him prisoner?"

"Maybe whoever had him liked him clean shaven instead," Sara said.

"That makes no sense but then again we have no idea who held him. We need to ask him once he wakes up again," Nick said.

"Well we might not have to. Wendy is processing DNA evidence we found right now. I do not think it is all Greg's," Catherine told him.

"What did you find, exactly?" Nick asked, now curious for some answers.

Sara gave Catherine a look that said she should have never brought it up.

"Well..." Nick pressed them.

Catherine's cell phone rang, saving the moment. She looked to see who it was and frowned. "Hey, what's going on?" she answered.

Wendy was on the other side giving her the preliminary results from the specimens they came in with earlier. Catherine's face seemed to pale a bit after hearing what Wendy had to say. "Okay thanks. Keep working on the other stuff."

"Who was that?" Sara asked.

"It was Wendy. She has some results back from the semen found at the scene." She looked gravely at Sara then to Nick. "They were from four different men, one being Greg, two unknowns and then one belonging to a Jasper Marks."

Sara felt sick but no one felt as sick as Nick did. He realized what it meant, that Greg had been sexually assaulted by at least 3 men. He figured when he found Greg naked and the bruises and condition he was in that something like that may have happened but he had hoped it was not so. He just did not want to believe it. Now he knew it had to be true and worse than just one guy, but three.

"Christ, who are these guys and why did they pick Greg?" Sara asked.

Nick thought for a moment. "What was the name of the one person ID'd?"

"Jasper Marks. Wendy said he has a record. He was only released from prison six months ago. He had served a nine year sentence for aggravated assault and battery," Catherine told him.

"Jasper…you know Greg told me that he once had this abusive boyfriend back when he first moved to Las Vegas…his name was Jasper, I believe. All he told me was that he didn't have to worry about him anymore. This has to be the same guy. I've got to talk to Greg." Nick stood up and started to walk off. Sara got up quickly and grabbed his arm.

"Hang on, Nick. You can't just go in there and start asking him about this Jasper guy. Greg's doctor said we have to take it easy with him. Don't go upsetting him again. You said you already did it once. You need to approach this all carefully. We still don't know the half of what he's been through. It was almost four months that he was gone…a lot could have happened we can't even imagine. Take it easy on him," Sara warned him. She cared a lot about him too and did not want to see him hurt any more than he already was.

"You're right. I'll take it slow with him. I don't want to cause him anymore pain that he's already in. You should have seen the look on his face when he opened his eyes, he look petrified but then relieved even if momentarily. The pain was evident in his eyes though. No, I'm not going to be responsible for causing any more pain in his eyes. I will take it easy on him," Nick said, realizing just how careful he had to be with him.

"Say hello for us," Catherine added before he walked away. Catherine looked at Sara. "This is going to be hard on Nick too. He's not one for being patient but he's going to have to be with him."

"I know. I just trust that his love for Greg will give him patience. If anything we will be around to remind him," Sara told Catherine.

"Yes, we will be."


	3. First Flashback

_A/N- Thanks to anyone who has reviewed the story so far. I'm glad you want more. I have more for you on day one of 2011. This chapter brings Greg's first real flashback, so be prepared for some serious stuff. _

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Greg had woken up feeling groggy and achy still. He was almost afraid to open his eyes until he remembered that he was in the hospital. He opened his eyes and saw the sun streaming into the window and quickly shut his eyes. He was still sensitive to the light after being in the dark of the basement for so long. The only time there was some light was when he were in the room with him and those were the times he wanted to forget.

He cracked open his eyes again when he heard the door open. He saw Nick come in. "Hey," Nick said to him.

"It's bright in here," Greg said to him through squinted eyes. Nick looked at him oddly but went over to the window and closed the blinds, leaving the room in a more suitable light level for Greg.

"Thanks. I guess my eyes have not adjusted yet," he tried explaining to Nick. His voice still sounded weak and rough.

Nick nodded in understanding and took a seat. "How are you feeling today?"

He shrugged a little. "Glad to not be collared in that basement anymore, I guess."

Nick thought that he sounded a bit too nonchalant. It worried him a bit, but he shook it off. He had to ask him the important questions so they could catch who did this to him. "Greg, did you know who did this to you?" He noticed the expression change on his gaunt face. He looked a bit shaken suddenly.

Greg looked away from Nick and stared straight ahead instead. "Yeah, I do. It was my…my ex-boyfriend, Jasper Marks. I think I mentioned him once to you."

Nick noticed that he almost looked guilty for knowing who had kidnapped and assaulted him. "We got DNA results on semen found that it was him and two others, besides yours. Did you know the others?"

Greg closed his eyes briefly as he pushed down the bile that rose up in this throat. He could still smell and taste them and it made him sick. "No, not until mmm…he brought them."

Nick didn't want to continue. He could see Greg seemed to be looking sicker the more he talked about it. He did not know all of what happened to him but he had a good enough idea and knowing his beautiful boyfriend had to go through that made him so sad and yet so furious with the men that did it.

"Could you identify them if you saw them again? Do you know their names?"

Greg opened his eyes again. He seemed to have broken out in a sweat. His was breathing rapidly and was shaking. He seemed to start having a panic attack. Nick got up and tried to put his hands on Greg to calm him down, but he pushed him away, screaming "Don't touch me!" He was grimacing in pain too.

Nick stepped back and watched as the man he loved kept him at bay while he went through his panic and suffered in pain from his broken ribs.

Greg managed to calm down after a few minutes. He had been sitting up in his bed and then he lay back down, resting his head on the pillow. He slowed his breathing so that it wouldn't be so painful.

"Are you going to be okay for now?" Nick asked him and then scolded himself for asking such a stupid question.

"Can you leave please? I can't do this right now, I'm sorry," Greg said to him, without making eye contact.

Nick didn't want to leave him in the state he was in, but he also did not want to cause any more problems for him. He sighed as once again he had to leave him. He wanted to stay with him, never let him out of his sight again for fear he may disappear again. His rational side realized he could still sit outside his room at least just to make sure he was safe.

"Okay, but I'm going to be right outside the door."

"Thanks," Greg said to him, still avoiding any eye contact with him.

It hurt Nick that he could not look at him but he had no idea what was going on in his head and perhaps his presence was upsetting him for some reason.

"Bye Greg. If you need me, just holler." He walked slowly out the door. He sighed as he closed the door behind him and leaned against the wall. How was he going to deal with Greg now? He didn't know what to do. It seemed he upset him every time he was around. If there was anything he could do, it was to catch the creeps who hurt him.

Sara came down the hallway towards him. "Why are you out here?" She asked him.

Nick woefully shook his head. "He threw me out. For some reason, my presence seems to upset him."

Sara sat beside him a moment. "I'm sorry, Nick but I am sure it is not about you. He knows you love him and would do anything for him. You just have to be patient with him."

"Maybe he will talk to you. He told me it was his ex-boyfriend, Jasper Marks but he didn't know the other men but I think he could ID them if we asked him."

"Well I would like to see him anyway. I'll see what I can do," she paused and laid a hand on Nick's knee. "He loves you, you have to know that."

Nick nodded slowly. "I know. I just wish I knew what they did to him. I swear if I find them, I'll kill them."

"Don't do anything irrational, Nick. Greg is going to need you. He doesn't need you ending up in prison too."

Nick sighed. "Yeah, I know. You are right. Why don't you go see him now?"

Sara smiled and got up. "You'll be here when I come out?"

"Of course," he smiled.

She smirked and then proceeded to prepare herself to see Greg. She had only seen the photos of him since they found him. She hadn't had a chance to actually see how he was in person.

She nervously opened the door to his room and walked in. She bit her lower lip to hold back showing too much emotion. His looked almost as bad as he had when he was beaten by the gang of kids a few years back. Only major difference this time was the noticeable weight loss.

He saw her walk in and couldn't help the overwhelming emotion that came over him at seeing her. "Sara," he said in a soft whisper.

She saw tears come to his eyes and she went over to him. "I want to hug you but I don't want to hurt you," she said as she stood awkwardly by him.

He blinked back tears. "It's okay, just hold me lightly. I never thought I would see you again."

She gave him a light hug, careful not to aggravate any injuries. "I'm just so glad you're alive. I was so scared," she said, now letting her own tears come. She let go of him and sat down, looking somberly at him. "It's really you, isn't it?"

He chuckled softly. "I was about to say the same thing to you."

She took his right hand in hers. "You know, we never stopped looking for you. Nick wouldn't let anyone give up."

He looked down at the mention of Nick. "Yeah, I heard."

She cocked her head, wondering why he seemed so different when it came to Nick. "Nick feels bad that you made him leave."

He sighed tiredly. "I just…I don't know how to deal with him hovering over me. My mind is a jumbled mess. I know he is only doing it because he cares but…I just can't deal with him yet. Plus, he might think…no never mind." He shook his head a little at a thought that occurred to him.

"What? What might he think?" She asked him.

"It's nothing, forget I said anything. I'm too drugged up to think clearly," he said as an excuse.

"Greg, he's not going to think any less of you because of what happened, if that is what you are worried about. None of this is your fault." She told him out of concern.

"Hmm," he thought, if only they knew the truth. "Did he tell you it was my ex-boyfriend who did this?"

"Yes, he did but just because he was your ex does not mean you deserved any of this," she could see where his thoughts were heading. She noticed he had not made eye contact with her since she brought up Nick and what happened.

"Do you want to tell me how he got to you?"

_Not really_, he thought but he knew they would keep asking until he said something. He uncomfortably shifted in the bed. The catheter attached to him made it difficult to get comfortable. "I'll talk a little but not for long, the morphine will be kicking in again soon." He figured it was his best and truest defense in not having to say too much.

"I understand. Nick said the last he saw of you was when he left for work the night of June 27th. He said it was your evening off and sometimes you went out to the movies or something. Did you leave that night to do something?" she asked him.

"Yeah, I headed out to the House of Blues to catch a band I like. Everything was fine until I got back home…well I did not exactly make it through the door. I felt a presence behind me but before I had a chance to turn around, I was knocked out. Next thing I knew I woke up with a throbbing headache in that dark basement, chained to the wall."

"When did you first see him then?" She treaded carefully as she spoke.

"Uh, I'm not sure how long it was, honestly. I lost all track of time while I was there. I mean, Nick said I was gone about four months…feels longer to me," he shrugged.

She studied him a moment, staring at the bandage around his neck from where the collar had been. "Nick said you had a bad relationship with Jasper in the past."

Greg seemed nervous suddenly. "Uh, yeah, we did but I broke it off. Then he went to prison shortly after."

Sara knew the truth about how Jasper ended up in prison. She had got access to his case file and read it. She was hoping Greg would say it but for some reason he was not. She wondered if Jasper had twisted the truth and somehow brainwashed Greg into thinking something different while he held him captive.

"Greg, I know you testified against him. Is that why he came after you?" She noticed his eyes widen in what appeared to be fear.

"You already found that out? I thought that was buried deep, they told me it would be," he exclaimed.

"Yes but when it came to finding out he did this to you and it was motive, they released the records," she told him.

"Does Nick know already?" He asked fearfully.

She was not sure why he was so scared about this information coming out, but she didn't know the details of the case, only that Greg had testified against Jasper Marks. "No, I only found out before and didn't feel the need to add to Nick's fury against the man, yet anyway. But I have to fill him in soon because he will find out sooner or later."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," he said.

Sara noticed he seemed to be in deep thought. "You know, why don't I let you get some more rest? We can talk more later on. You'll have to look through mug shots to see if you can identify the other two who were also there."

"Their names were Chris and Rex, and I think Rex was in prison with him at some time," Greg said in a daze. He was remembering the first time he came down with Jasper. It had been what seemed like a few days. He remembered the gleam in Rex's eyes that totally creeped him out when he saw him.

_Rex grabbed Greg roughly by the jaw and pulled him up to his feet. "Jasper said you were a pretty boy. I bet you do some pretty things with that mouth of yours too." He licked his lips in anticipation. Greg shuddered in his grasp._

_ "My boy can do wonders with that mouth of his and wait until you bury yourself in that sweet little ass. I just get hard thinking about it," Jasper laughed in his rough voice. _

_ Greg saw him over Rex's shoulder and glared at him. He never hated anyone as much as he hated that man. He couldn't even believe he gave himself willing to him in the past. _

_ "I would love to test his skills right now." Those words had shaken Greg out of his hate for Jasper and replaced it with new fear and disgust. _

_ He was forced down to his knees. He tried struggling against him but Jasper held him down. He looked down at the ground and heard the sound of the zipper going down. Rex roughly grabbed his jaw again, lifting his head up. _

_ Greg's eyes widened when he saw how large Rex was. "Open up, pretty boy," Rex said to him with lust in his eyes. Greg knew he wouldn't win out but he still had to fight it. He clamped his mouth shut. Suddenly he felt a hard slap across his face. _

_ "Open up, bitch!" It was Jasper speaking to him this time. Greg still refused. He felt a hand grab his hair and yank hard. He opened his mouth to scream in pain but it was suddenly filled with Rex's girth. He almost choked as Rex deep-throated him but he managed to control his reflexes when he heard Jasper say behind him, "you know what happens if you bite or try to fight it anymore." _

_ He did know, Jasper had already shown him several times, so he worked his mouth on the new cock. He shuddered a bit when he felt someone rubbing his bare ass. Then he felt a finger slid into his hole. He closed his eyes and wished he would die. _

_ He heard moaning coming from the man he was sucking. "Such a good boy," Jasper said as he slid another finger in his ass. Then he felt another hand grasp his cock and squeeze. _He started hyperventilating_._

"Greg? Greg! Snap out of it!" Sara stared at him in fright. He had been staring out into space when he suddenly started gasping for air. "Greg, you're not there. Stop it." She was grabbing his arm and trying to shake off whatever memories he was reliving.

Nick ran in at hearing her yell. He saw the sheer terror on Greg's face as he sucked in air. "He's having another panic attack," he yelled at Sara.

"Greg, ease up on your breathing. Slow down, you're hurting yourself," he said as he could see the pain on his face.

Greg pulled his arms out of their grasps, thinking he was being held down again. "No, let me go!" He cried between gasps.

"Sara, just stand back," Nick said to her quickly. He figured if they gave him space maybe he would calm down.

It worked. He had managed to slow down his breathing after a little time. His chest hurt something fierce and he felt exhausted. He rubbed off the sweat that had broken out on his forehead, with his right hand. He then looked over at the two people in his life who meant so much to him, one his best friend and the other the love of his life. They looked scared for him.

"I'm sorry…I…I just…," he was at a loss for words. His memories were still so fresh in his mind and he couldn't express how he felt. It was like it was happening all over again.

"It's okay Greg. We don't expect you to be all recovered and back to normal, not after being gone for four months. Perhaps we'll let you get some sleep. You need rest still," Sara said to him.

"Yeah, and you should rest before your parents get here. They will be coming tomorrow," Nick told him.

Greg closed his eyes. He wished he would not have told them but he guessed being missing for four months, they would be frantic. How was he going to deal with them too when he could not even deal with his own reactions?

"Yeah, I need some sleep." He pushed the button for more morphine to enter his blood stream. He was hurting and just wanted to be knocked out for a while.

"I'll stay outside the door and again if you need anything just yell," Nick told him.

"Yeah and you know how to reach me too. Take care, Greg. We'll catch those creeps that did this to you," Sara told him.

Greg nodded timidly.

Nick took his hand and squeezed it. "I love you. Get some sleep."

Greg just stared at the hand holding his, trying to soak up the warmth it brought to his chilled self. "OK."

Nick let go and walked out with Sara. Greg stared after them and then suddenly changed his mind. "Nick!"

Nick spun around. "Yeah, What?"

"Can you stay here, actually?" Nick smiled and walked back into the room.

"Sure, anything you want," he grinned as he sat down.

Greg reached out his right hand for Nick to take it. Nick never felt happier to hold his hand.

"I think I can sleep now," Greg said to him and closed his eyes, after feeling that familiar warmth return to his hand and body.

"Good." Nick looked upon him lovingly.

Sara smiled, knowing that was what Nick was wanting and knowing that Greg would have someone there next time he had a horrible memory. She left the two to head back to the lab.

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**Please review...thanks!** TBC...


	4. Identity

He felt worn out after the visit from his parents. He had not seen them in well over a year and they were frantic when they saw the condition he was in. Luckily no one went into details about what really happened to him. He didn't want to worry them any more than they already were. He didn't think he could handle anyone knowing the truth of it all, let alone his parents.

Luckily he had some time alone to think before his next visitors came in. He was sitting up in bed, nibbling on some oatmeal they had given him for breakfast. The only thing he completely ate was some yogurt. His throat was still sore and they were aware of it and made sure he was eating things that would be gentle on it. Overall, he still had not regained an appetite.

"Well that doesn't look too appealing." He looked up and saw Ray walking in with Catherine. Catherine came over and gave him a light hug. She knew that he seemed to be more accepting of affection from women than men right now. She couldn't say she blamed him after what he went through. Ray just smiled at him. He had worked the least with Greg and felt a little awkward being there, but Catherine insisted he come.

"Yeah, well I've had better I can safely say." He noticed Ray came in with a laptop. "Um, I guess you aren't here for a friendly visit," he said pointing to the laptop.

"Uh, no, sorry Greg," Catherine said to him. She felt bad but they had to have him do this. "We brought the computer so we can have you go through mug shots. Plus we need you to confirm for us Jasper Marks appearance when you last saw him."

He pushed away his food tray and took a nervous breath. He really didn't care to see him ever again but he also knew he didn't feel safe if he was still out there. He was still his object of obsession. He blinked away the thought and sighed. "Okay sure."

Ray opened up the laptop and put it in front of Greg. "Here's the last photo we have on file of Jasper Marks." Greg stared at the photo and felt that fear return.

"His hair was a little longer and he had a goatee, otherwise that's him," he said uneasily. The piercing blue eyes glared back at him in the photo. The square jaw and slightly crooked nose stood out in the photo. His nose had been broken in prison, he had informed Greg. He also had told him about a lot of other things that happened to him in prison, things he had made Greg go through and worse. The blonde hair was hanging down around his face. He couldn't believe he ever found him attractive at all. All he saw now was the cold blooded bastard that he was and the control he held over him.

Catherine noticed how he was staring at the photo and she quickly took the laptop to change the screen. "Okay well now if you can go through the data here. We compiled a list of inmates that would have been in prison the same time he was and released since," she told him. She placed the laptop back down. "Take your time going through this. We have also narrowed down the lists to Chris and Rex for first names, so it is not too big. Of course we realize neither maybe in it, since we did not get any other hits in CODIS."

He looked at the first page of photos. He thought he remembered Rex saying he spent time with him in prison but if he had he would have been in CODIS. He shook his head, maybe he was just confused, they filled his head with so many things anyways it would not surprise him. After close to a half hour of going through mug shots he pushed away the computer. "I'm not finding either of them," he sighed.

Catherine frowned. "I hate to have you go through this, but do you think you can describe them for a sketch artist? We really want to find these guys."

Greg nodded slowly. "Yeah, I can do that. But can you give me a few hours? I feel exhausted again and need some sleep." He really hated the idea of having to describe these guys but knew they had to be caught in order for him to ever really feel safe again.

"Yeah it will be a couple hours anyways for us to get one over here. So get some rest, honey," Catherine said to him, affectionately. She gave him a kiss on his cheek.

"I will. Thanks." He was glad when they were gone. He didn't want to think about the men who used him so vilely right now. He just wanted the morphine to kick in to get him some decent sleep. The one good thing about the drugs was the nightmares were kept at bay for now.

Nick had gone back to the lab to see what, if any, progress had been made in tracking down Greg's kidnappers. He did a search on Jasper Marks and found that he had been arrested a couple times prior to his arrest that sent him to prison. He had been arrested for battery and breaking and entering when he was younger. He studied the mug shot of Jasper Marks. He was a pretty big guy and decent looking, but he had a dangerous gleam in his eyes. Nick didn't picture him as the kind of guy Greg would ever be interested in, but Greg had dated him in his early twenties, before Nick even knew him. Back then Greg was always a little more adventurous anyway. He was going to have to ask him more about Jasper, even though he knew it would not be comfortable. Maybe he could remember him mentioning a place he might be hiding out or something to find him. There was an APB out on him.

Nick knew the sketch artist was with Greg, trying to get decent descriptions to have an APB on the other two. Unfortunately they only knew their first names and were not even sure that they were the correct names. They could have given Greg false names, but somehow Nick did not think so.

"Nick, how's Greg doing?" He looked up from the computer screen to see Wendy standing next to him.

"Oh, hey Wendy. He's as good as can be expected, I suppose. Have you had any other results come back I should know about?" He asked her.

"All the blood found at the scene was Greg's," she said with sadness in her eyes.

Nick clenched his jaws in anger. "Thanks Wendy." She gave him a sad smile and let him be.

He looked over the fingerprint report they got from the Collar that had been around Greg's neck. Jasper Marks and another unknown's prints, along with Greg's were on it. He pulled the collar out of the evidence box and looked at it. Most of the dried blood was removed from it. He studied it. It had to have been custom made. He had never seen one with little rivets on the inside of the collar. He could only imagine how that had to rub painfully on Greg's neck.

He looked at it more carefully and saw something engraved in it. It was the name of the place it came from. Nick quickly put it down and looked up the name of the business in the database_. Vegas Fetish_ was located on the more seedy side of town. Nick called Catherine and let her know of his find and that he was going to check the place out.

He arrived at _Vegas Fetish_ and had the usual uncomfortable feeling of walking into a place like that. The thing was he knew Greg had a little side to him that was into some bondage in the bedroom. Nick recalled how uncomfortable he was the first time he let Greg put leather handcuffs on him and bind his hands to the headboard. He totally trusted his lover though and was right too. He remembered it being one of the best nights of his life. He had seen a new, exciting side of Greg and from then on occasionally the cuffs and a few other interesting items became part of their sex life.

He walked up to the counter and spoke with the clerk at the counter. The clerk could not have been any older than 25 years old. He wore a black tee that said 'Sex Sells'. Nick smirked before he showed his ID to the clerk. Then he took out a photo of the collar. "Did this come from here? It looks custom made."

The clerk looked at it and after a few seconds told Nick to wait a second. The clerk went in a backroom and then came back with an older man who wore glasses. "Yes, I made this. How can I help you, Mr. Stokes?"

"Do you remember who you sold this to?" Nick asked him. The gentleman seemed to think awhile and studied the photo.

"Yes, I do. It was an odd request, since he wanted one with rivets on the inside collar. He said it was a training collar for his dog, actually I remember he said his 'bitch' which I sort of smirked at. He had cleared his throat and clarified with the dog. I showed him some of my previous ones but he actually produced a drawing of what he wanted," he told him.

"Do you still have that drawing and any information on the guy who ordered it?" Nick asked him quickly, feeling he was maybe onto a good lead.

"If you can wait a moment, I think I still have it in my records." Nick waited impatiently while the man searched through his stuff. He decided to pull out the photo of Jasper Marks and showed it to the clerk in the meanwhile, asking him if he recognized him.

"Yeah, he was in here a few times. He made a few purchases, I think some handcuffs, dildos and anal plugs, stuff like that," the clerk told him.

Nick fumed inside knowing those things were most likely used on Greg. "When was the last time he was in here?"

"Hmm, it's been a few weeks…maybe three weeks."

The older man came back out with a couple sheets of paper. "I have that information you were looking for. His name was Jack Mako." He handed over the papers. "You can keep them, I made copies for my records. We don't need any trouble. Oh and by the way, my name is Richard Smith and I own this place."

Nick smiled at him. "Thank you Mr. Smith. I really appreciate your cooperation with the LVPD. Can I just have you confirm that this man was Jack Mako?" He showed him the photo.

"Yes, I believe that is the same guy, but he had a little bit longer hair and a goatee."

"Did he leave an address by any chance?" Nick asked him.

"No, he didn't. He paid everything with cash, however, he did leave a cell phone number on the drawing there."

"Thanks both of you, you have helped a lot. If he comes in again, please give us a call ASAP and if you can get any information about his whereabouts. He's a suspect in a kidnapping," Nick told them.

"Oh, wow. Okay sure. Timmy here and I will keep our eyes open."

Nick gave him his business card and then walked out. When he got into his Tahoe he looked more closely at the papers Mr. Smith provided. The drawing of the collar had been done in pencil and seemed to have a lot of eraser marks on it. Seemed he kept working on the design until he was satisfied. The phone number stared at him. He decided to try giving it a call. The phone number had been disconnected. He thought so much. So far Jasper Marks seemed to not care too much about being seen but was smart enough not to leave anything that could track him down.

Nick decided to drop the things back at the lab and then drop by to see Greg. He was going to have to talk to him about Jasper. He needed more answers.

Greg really hated describing what his other attackers looked like. It just made him remember more moments that he wanted to forget.

"How does this look?" the female sketch artist asked him. He looked at the drawing of Rex and nodded, feeling a bit nauseous at seeing his face again. He remembered the one time that Rex came down into the basement alone.

"_Hey, I've decided I love having you suck my cock so much, I came back today for another blow job," Rex sneered at him. Greg glared at him while backing up as the man approached him. Rex came closer to him and grabbed the chain that connected to the collar around his neck. He yanked on it, causing Greg to feel like he was being strangled. Rex chuckled as he pulled Greg up to his face, using the chain._

"_You look like hell but you can still work that mouth of yours," he grinned maliciously. He pushed Greg down to his knees. "Now do what you're supposed to or you know the price you'll pay."_

_Greg sighed heavily but he knew the beating he would take would only be worse. He already hurt all over the place and didn't think he could take any more abuse at this moment. He gritted his teeth as he saw the tenting of Rex's pants. He unbuttoned Rex's pants and pulled the zipper down. Rex came commando, as always. _

_Greg closed his eyes before taking him into his mouth. He could not bear to watch the man._

_After a few minutes Rex was zipping up his pants, while Greg felt his usual nausea after being forced to swallow. "That was nice. You know, there is this new toy I wanted to try out. I'll be right back," he smirked evilly. _

_Hearing him say toy made Greg fearful of what was to come. Toys had been used before and some were painful. He heard the footsteps coming back down the stairs and looked to see if he could see what it was. Rex had it hiding behind his back with a big grin on his face. "You're going to love this. Now get on all fours, Bitch!"_

_Greg cringed but did as he was told. He got on his hands and knees on the mattress. That was the only thing that made it easier on him; it was softer to kneel on than the hard cement floor._

_Rex came behind him and he turned around to see what was going to be stuck up his ass. "Look straight ahead. You just get to feel this one, not see it."_

_Greg did as he was told and lowered his head, feeling that this was going to be bad. They hardly ever prepped him, they just went in._

_The next thing he knew he was screaming out in fierce pain as the large object was inserted into his ass. Tears came to his eyes fast as the pain nearly made him pass out. He could scarcely hear the chuckling behind him. _

"Yeah, that's him." He said after swallowing hard at seeing the likeness in the sketch. He had already approved the sketch of Chris prior.

"Thanks. I'll get these back to LVPD so we can get these faces out there in the media to see if anyone has seen them. Thank you, Mr. Sanders. I hope you feel better soon," the woman said.

"Thanks, Lisa. Have a good rest of the day," he said in a soft voice. He watched her leave his room and was glad to be alone for a while.

He curled up on his side as he remembered how much he bled after that incident with Rex. Luckily no one came by for a few days, so he could lay curled up, willing the pain to go away. They had left bread and water for him and nothing else. He had not touched it in a couple days until his stomach finally ached so much he could not take it.

Now he still felt pain all over and the catheter reminded him of the injuries he had sustained. He wondered if he would ever heal properly.

"Hey." He looked up, startled by the voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Nick said. He could see the scared look in his beloved's eyes. He had walked in and noticed he was curled up, tightly on his side. He knew it was a protective position.

Greg's heart was beating fast due to the scare. At first he thought Rex was back until he saw Nick's worried face. "It's okay, just did not expect anyone now," he told him.

Nick sat down and gave him a little smile. "Yeah, well I wanted to talk to you about Jasper, ask you some questions."

Greg shook his head. "Please Nick, not now. I just…I can't think about that right now. I need to talk about anything but me and what happened," he pleaded with him. After having to describe two of the men who put him through hell, he just couldn't deal with thinking anymore about it.

Nick could see the pain in his eyes and couldn't go through with the questioning, even though he really needed answers. "What do you want to talk about then?"

He smiled a little, knowing Nick was doing this for him. "I was gone for four months. What have I missed? What's going on in the world? I have no clue," he said sheepishly.

Nick smiled sadly at him, realizing he had missed so much. "Sure, I can fill you in on what's been going on."

Greg reached out his right hand to Nick. Nick took it and started talking about what had been happening in the world since he was gone.


	5. Rex

_A/N-Thanks for all the lovely reviews so far. Glad you all are enjoying it. I don't have a Beta reader this time around so I keep trying to reread before I post to clear things up. Anyway this chapter reveals some rather surprising details of Greg's past._

* * *

Nick watched over him protectively as he slept. Greg had fallen asleep while Nick told him about world news and caught him up on sports events that he missed while he was gone. Even though Nick hardly paid attention to those things when he was gone either, he made the effort to remember what he had heard. Nick hardly slept the four months he was missing. He had worked night and day doing everything he could to find Greg.

Now he held the younger man's hand as he slept. Greg seemed to have a death grip on it. He looked at his other hand, still in a cast from the broken wrist he had. He wondered how that came about. Right now he realized where his priorities were and he was looking at him. As much as he wanted to find the creeps who so deeply damaged the man he loved, he knew that Greg needed him that much more.

He noticed he was starting to get restless in his sleep. He started twitching and whining as he slept. He knew he had to be having a nightmare. He squeezed his hand a little to try to wake him. "Hey, Baby, wake up. It's just a dream," he said to him as he ran his thumb over the back of the hand he held.

Greg's eyes suddenly opened wide, fear clearly visible. "It's okay, Baby. It's okay. It's just me, Nick. You're in the hospital, remember?" Nick said to him quickly to calm his fears.

Greg looked around and realized he was safe but he could still feel his heart beating fast from the nightmare. He then felt Nick holding his hand. He squeezed back. "Thanks for being here," he said quietly. He started coughing because his throat was so dry and sore still. The coughing, in turn, reminded him of his still very much injured ribs.

Nick cringed when he could tell he was in pain. He grabbed the Styrofoam cup and poured some water in it and handed it to him. "Here, drink some water."

He took a few small sips before placing it back on the table himself. He noticed Nick watching him carefully. He sighed. "I suppose you want to know more about my relationship with Jasper now, don't you?"  
He said it with such distaste, Nick felt bad making him talk about the man who caused him so much suffering.

"Look, if you don't want to, I won't make you, but you could have information that could help us find him," he told him.

Greg knew he was right and truthfully he didn't feel completely safe yet, knowing the men who tortured and tormented him were still out there. "Okay, what do you want to know?"

"Well you never told me what type of relationship you had before he got abusive."

"Well I thought he really cared for me but he always had a rough exterior. The, uh, sex was uh, good and I thought I made him happy but then he became overly possessive of me and when I told him to back off and give me some space he would get angry and start hitting me." Greg averted his eyes away from Nick. He knew that Nick would never understand the real truth.

"I saw the report. You testified against him and that's why he ended up in prison. How come you never told anyone he put you in the hospital before?"

"It was a part of my past I was trying to forget about. I guess it did not work as well as I planned," he added sarcastically.

Nick got the feeling Greg was still holding back something. "What aren't you telling me? What are you afraid of?"

Greg looked at him, his eyes wide. "They are still out there. What if Jasper is not finished with me? He planned the whole thing specifically for me, he's obsessed with me. I can't go through that again." He started shaking and having difficulty breathing again.

Nick could see he triggered another panic attack. "Hey, Greggo, you need to slow down your breathing," he told him quickly as he could see the pain in Greg's face as he took each breath. He rubbed his thumb soothingly across the back of his right hand. "Take it easy."

After a couple minutes of pure fear taking over his body, Greg was able to calm down. "God, I hurt," he said finally after he was calmer.

Nick felt horrible that there was nothing more he could do for him. All he could do was watch him suffer in pain, memories and fear. "Why don't you push that button to give yourself a dose of morphine? I'm okay if you sleep some more. I just want you to feel better."

"Yeah, I think I'll do that. Why don't you get some sleep too? You look like hell," Greg said to him with a small smile.

"Well I haven't been getting much sleep since you have been gone. I guess I probably do look like hell, but I want to be here for you. This chair is fine for me, it reclines," he smiled back.

"If you say so," he said and then yawned. "The morphine kicks in fast once I push the button," he explained.

"That's okay. Get some sleep. I'll still be here when you wake up." Nick leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. Greg smiled timidly. "I love you," Nick told him again. He wanted him to know that nothing changed for him in the way he felt for him.

"I love you too," he replied back. He would never stop loving Nick. He just wondered if Nick's love was strong enough to deal with him now.

Greg woke up a few hours later and heard Nick making his small snoring noises in the chair by him. He looked over and smiled knowing he kept his word that he would sleep there. Still, he did not think he looked very comfortable in that position on the chair.

He had been lying on his side for hours now and was sore so he gently turned over onto his back but still whimpered a little when he ended up laying on some of the burns he had on his backside.

"Huh? Hey, are you okay? Do you need help?" Nick had heard him and suddenly woke up. He saw Greg settling on his backside with his face twisted in pain.

Greg waved him off with his bandaged left hand. "No, I'll be fine. Just take it easy."

Nick sat up in his seat and looked at him. "You're sure?"

"Yes, nothing you can do about it anyway."

"Okay then. I'm going to use the bathroom, I'll be right back," Nick said. He noticed Greg frown and then he remembered he still had the catheter. "Sorry, I'll be back."

Greg wondered how much longer he was going to have to wait until he could use the bathroom properly again. He wondered when he would be able to go home. It had been four days in the hospital now and he knew it was not that long considering the shape he was in. He had not even gotten to walking around yet, so he had a long ways to go.

Nick came out and sat down. "You know, I just realized you shaved. Did the nurse do it for you?"

"Sort of, Sara got me an electric razor to use," he shrugged. Nick looked at him questioningly.

"Do you want to tell me why that time before I mentioned about you looking better shaved you got all worked up?"

Greg remembered how it upset him. It still sort of bothered him but he owed Nick an explanation. "Well, Jasper liked me clean shaven and he would actually shave my face to make himself happy," he said with eyes downcast. "My wrist actually got broken because one time I grabbed his hand to stop him from doing it and he in turn grabbed my wrist and twisted it back, breaking it. I remember him saying 'Next time I'll bust your other wrist and then you'll be completely helpless.'"

"I am so sorry, Greg. I should have found you earlier. You should never have had to suffer so long," Nick apologized, feeling guilty every time he heard something he went through.

Greg shook his head. "No, I don't blame you. You had nothing to do with this. It's all my fault. I should have never got involved with Jasper Marks. I knew he was trouble but never thought he was as crazy as he is. Prison really made him worse."

"No, it's not your fault. You can't blame yourself for what he did to you. You didn't do anything to deserve it," Nick told him. He did not like that Greg kept blaming himself for what happened. It was not healthy for him to be thinking that.

Greg just stared up at the ceiling, he knew better. He just hoped Nick never had to know because he was afraid if he knew he would lose Nick forever.

Nick had to try to cheer him up. He was always bringing him down and he didn't want to do that. "Look, would you like me to bring your iPod and maybe PSP, you know something to do while lying in bed here all day?"

"Yeah that would be great. TV sort of sucks here in the hospital, especially daytime TV; talk shows and soap operas, how boring," he forced a smirk.

"Okay, well I think I'm going to go home and get a shower and change of clothes. I'm going to stop by the lab for a bit to see if there are any updates and then I will be back here with your stuff."

"Okay, I'll be here. I've got no place to go. I'm sure my parents will stop by again. Hopefully they will go back to California soon. They make me even more nervous," he told him.

"Yeah I know how it is. Well take care and I'll see you later on." Nick squeezed his hand and smiled and then left him.

Greg breathed a little easier when he was gone. He hated holding back details of his former relationship with Jasper but if he knew what he had been into he would not look at him the same. Nick had often said he thought couples who were into what Jasper and he had been into were freaks. He just hoped the truth never came out.

Nick got a call when he was in the shower. He checked the message and it was Catherine calling him. Someone had called about seeing Rex. They were bringing him in now. Nick had to get to LVPD as soon as possible.

On the drive there he couldn't wait to talk to this guy and find out what information he might have on the others and on why they did what they did to Greg. Then after the questioning he could go back to Greg and tell him one of the guys was caught.

He came across Brass as he entered LVPD. "Hey, so is it true? Is this one of the guys we are looking for?"

"Yes, his full name is Alexander Jackson. Someone recognized him from the sketch put out. A clerk at a convenience store called it in and luckily an officer was close by to get him," Brass told him.

"I want in on the interview," Nick told him. Brass frowned. "I'm not so sure it is a good idea for you to be there. You are too close to this case and we don't need you losing your cool."

"I promise not to jeopardize the case. I want nothing more than to see these guys behind bars for life for what they did to Greg. Please, let me in," Nick asked again.

"Fine, we will do it together but if I think you should go, you have to promise me to go."

"Okay, I agree. Thanks Jim."

Nick walked into the interrogation room and stared at one of the men who tormented Greg. He had greasy looking long hair that was back in a ponytail. His eyes were a dark blue and there was a scar above his left brow. He looked like a cold bastard. They both sat across from him. His hands were cuffed in front of him.

"What am I here for?" He asked, gruffly.

"You know exactly why you are here. And once the DNA comes back, you will be confirmed to have committed sexual assault and battery on Greg Sanders, in addition to kidnapping," Brass told him.

He snorted. "Is that what he told you? He wanted it. It's not like the first time he's been collared and Jasper's bitch."

Nick tried very hard to keep his growing anger in control. "Jasper beat him before and did it again, this time with your help."

Rex laughed and glared at Nick. "That boy likes being someone's sex slave. You should have seen him getting in position, sticking his ass out when we came down. He was ready and waiting for it as a good little bitch should be."

Brass grabbed Nick's arm as the Texan burst up from his chair, about to reach over and choke the suspect. "Nick, cool it or I going to ask you to leave." Rex just smirked at Nick as he settled back down in his seat, fuming.

"You expect us to believe that Greg Sanders asked to be kidnapped and held captive in a basement for about four months just for sex? You'll have to come up with a better story." Brass said to him, feeling some anger too but able to keep it in check after his years of experience.

"Greg is sitting in a hospital bed now, hardly able to move because of what you and the other two did to him. You held him against his will and forced yourselves on him," Nick said angrily.

Rex leaned forward, gazing at Nick with interest. "You're the stupid boyfriend, aren't you?" He smirked when he saw Brass grab the Texan's arm again to hold him down. "You know nothing about your little boyfriend. I'm gathering he never told you that he was the one who walked into the Fetish and Fantasy Ball* that one Halloween looking to become someone's slave." He saw Nick's eyes widen in shock.

"Yeah, I thought so. He met Jasper there and he became his bitch for the next few months. But then he started having second thoughts and accused Jasper of beating him. Then he ended up sending him to prison. Smug little shit he was. Jasper was just wanting his property back after he got out of prison and made up for lost time with his slave," Rex said to them with a smile.

Nick was trying to absorb all that he just heard. Was Greg really Jasper's slave at one time? He knew Greg said he dabbled a little in S&M in his younger days but he had no idea it went that far.

Brass cleared his throat. He was a bit shocked too at what Rex had told them but he could have been making it all up. "Do you know where Jasper is now?"

Rex shook his head. "No, once he knew you all found Greg he went into hiding. I have not heard from him since the last time we were in the basement."

"What about this other guy, Chris? Who is he and do you know where he is?" Brass asked him.

Rex sneered. "I have no idea where the little fucker is and he better hope Jasper does not find him either."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Nick asked, curious now.

"Because he's the fucker who called you and told you were to find Greg. He actually started feeling sorry for the little bitch, even after he had his own fun with him. His name is Christopher Jenkins. I knew Jasper should have never included him in on our fun. He was always a softy," Rex fumed.

Nick now knew why that last call was different and led them to Greg; it had been Chris who called him.

"So you are saying you did hold Greg against his will now?" Brass asked him.

"He was already down there with the collar when Jasper brought me into the game. Jasper said it was his old slave from before his prison days and he liked playing rough and being used. He never once asked for me to free him when I was down there. So if you ask me, he liked being fucked every which way, probably more than he got at home," he grinned directed at Nick.

Brass already was on Nick as he jumped up, reaching across the table to grab Rex's shirt collar. "Nick, get out now. Get off of him and get out of here now," Brass yelled. Another officer came in and helped Brass pull Nick away from Rex who was chuckling the whole time. He was just as big, if not bigger than Nick so he was not scared of him.

Brass pulled Nick aside when they were outside the interrogation room. "Nick, he was purposely saying that to get to you. You have to ignore it. Half of what he said is probably lies. I think you should go and talk to Greg though and get some things cleared up."

Nick looked at Brass and knew he was right. He did have to talk to Greg and pray that this guy was lying mostly. He couldn't believe Greg would want to be with those men, would want to be someone's sex slave. It made him sick.

"Fine, I will go, but that bastard is not being set free, is he?"

"No, I am sure once the DNA tags him he will be serving a long time in jail. You just need to leave now and cool off," Brass told him.

"Okay, okay, I will." Nick was still furious but he knew he had to go. He had to talk to Greg and get the truth from him.

_*The Fetish and Fantasy Halloween Ball is an annual event on Halloween in LV._

_Please review!  
_


	6. The Past Revealed

_A/N- Well I am glad to see so many people adding this story for the update alert. I appreciate you all reading it. I know everyone says Poor Greggo and again I don't know what possesses me to put him through so much in most of my stories but at least people enjoy what I am writing. That is satisfaction enough. Please keep up the reviews. Even though I have technically finished the story writing process, I can still tweak away at it as I post chapters._

* * *

"Okay, how do you feel now?" The doctor asked him after Greg eased back to lie down. He had just recently had the catheter removed and his bandages on his more severe wounds changed.

"Well better now that that thing is out of me," he said to her.

"Now you just need to eat more and get some of your strength back. You are still suffering from some malnutrition and if you want to get out of here sooner rather than later, you need to start eating what is given to you. I want you to start some physical therapy tomorrow to help with your strength. If all goes well, you might be able to go home in a few more days," she told him.

He was sick of being in the hospital. He still felt very vulnerable in there. But then again he was grabbed from outside his home, so he was not sure he was going to feel any safer there.

"Oh look, perfect timing. We just finished removing the catheter and changing his bandages. Make sure he eats when his food gets here." Greg looked up and saw Nick who just had walked through the door. He noticed the Texan looked very serious. He wondered what happened while he was away.

"That's good to hear and I'll make sure he eats," Nick said as he came closer to Greg's bed. Greg got the feeling as though he was looking at him like he was a stranger.

"Okay, well I will leave you two alone to visit now. If you have any problems, Greg, just page the nurse. I'll see you tomorrow." He watched his doctor leave and then turned his attention to Nick, who had sat down already.

"Uh, so you feeling okay right now?" Nick asked first. Greg nodded, even though his stomach was a little wobbly. "Yes, I'm okay. What's wrong? I can tell something is wrong by your face."

Nick smirked, Greg still knew him so well. He didn't know why he thought that would have changed. "Rex was caught today. His real name is Alexander Jackson. We brought him in for questioning and took his DNA."

Greg's face paled. "Oh," was all he said. He knew he should be happy one of them was caught but he felt sick suddenly and could feel his heart beat faster.

Nick was a little surprised that he didn't seem happy about it and wondered now if what Rex said wasn't true. "He said some things that I want to clarify with you."

"What…what kinds of things?" Greg said nervously. He thought that perhaps Rex went into detail of when he did to him and felt the nausea rise in his stomach.

"He said that you were at one time Jasper's …slave." Nick even had trouble saying it, it disturbed him so much.

Greg's mouth parted_. Oh God, he found out. That pig told him._

Nick could see that Greg was having a hard time grasping what he just said so he went on. "He said that you were into S&M and that you actually went to the Fetish and Fantasy Ball one year and met him there and became his slave. Is that true? Please tell me he is lying."

Greg almost wished for a second he was back in that basement, hoping for death to come. "It's true," he finally said after about a minute of silence between them. He watched Nick suddenly look down at the ground.

"Damn it, Greg. You should have told me." Nick felt like he had been living with someone he really didn't know all these years.

"When I first started at work everyone thought I was weird anyway, I didn't want to add to the weirdness. Plus it was a part of my life I was trying to forget ever happened. I'm sorry, Nick." He still felt the nausea and tried to push it down with his feelings of guilt. He was afraid to ask but had to know. "What else did he say?"

Nick looked up at him. He looked really pale and scared. He was mad though that he never told him any of this before. "He said that you enjoyed being Jasper's slave, that you…that you liked being fucked by them."

That triggered it. Greg's stomach lurched and he quickly grabbed the bed pan on the side table and threw up. Nick turned away from him throwing up and felt like he had just violated him all over again by saying it as cruelly as he did. He waited until he heard him stop and place the bedpan back down. He turned back and saw him shaking, looking back at him in disbelief.

"God, Greg, I am so sorry. I'm so sorry I said it like that. That was cruel of me," Nick apologized, he felt absolutely terrible about what he said out of anger.

Greg stared at him as tears came to his eyes. "You believed him, didn't you? You actually thought I enjoyed it? Oh my God!" He started hyperventilating.

Nick shook his head, his eyes tearing up. "No, I didn't. No, I know you didn't. Oh God, breathe Greg. You need to take slow breaths," he said frantically as he saw him going into another panic attack.

Greg felt like he was choking, he couldn't breathe. His hand went to his chest. Nick looked on, frightened, as it looked like he could not breathe.

Nick panicked and pushed the button for a nurse. One came in and saw the state Greg was in. She pushed Nick aside and tried to help Greg calm down.

Nick stood back helpless, knowing he made this happen to him. How could he have been so cruel and thoughtless? How could he actually think what Rex said was true, that Greg wanted all that to happen to him? He was a horrible boyfriend for even thinking that. He walked away over to the window in the room and stared out at the coming evening. Greg was forever damaged and he helped in making it worse.

Nick didn't know how long he was staring out the window when he jumped at feeling a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, he's okay now. Just try not to upset him anymore," the nurse said to him. Nick looked at the young woman and nodded sadly. "Okay." She smiled sweetly at him and left the room. He looked over at Greg, who was looking away from him. He could see he was still shaking a little. He bit his lower lip and walked over to his bed slowly.

"I will understand if you want me to leave," he said softly as he approached his bed.

"I didn't want it, but I didn't fight them after a while either," he heard Greg say very quietly.

He pulled up his chair, gathering Greg wanted to talk still, to clear things up. "What do you mean?"

"After so long, I gave up hope of ever being saved and learned trying to fight them off or stop them was useless. I only ended up in more pain, so I stopped fighting them. I just did as I was told, but I never wanted it, I just figured I had no other choice," Greg said in a slightly cracking voice.

Tears came to Nick's eyes again. Greg had given up hope, he never thought about that. He never thought that the man he loved, who had so much life in him before would have given up hope. They truly had broken him. "I don't know what to say, sorry does not even come close."

Greg finally turned his red-rimmed eyes and wet cheeks to him. "But it is my fault that Jasper came after me because he thought he still owned me."

Nick was not going to let him blame himself. "No, no, no one owns anyone; I don't care what you think. He had no right to do what he did to you at all, even if in the past you allowed him to dominate you. You ended it and he went to prison for beating you and others he had as slaves, I assume."

Greg wiped the tears away from his eyes. "He liked to switch partners back then. I found out Rex and Chris were former slave owners themselves at the club, I just did not know them back then. At first he was only interested in me and I loved the attention he gave me. I would be ready for him when he came home from work, with my leather collar on ready to please just him but after a while he brought home another guy and said he wanted me to do him. I refused and that was the first time he beat me. I managed to escape to a friend's house and stay with her for a short time. Then he came and found me and apologized to me and wanted me back. He seemed sincere and I went back. Things were good for a bit until he took me to a party, wearing the leather collar he had given me. He liked showing me off but then he tried passing me off to others again. I told him I was only his but he said he wanted to share me so other slave owners would share their slaves with him. I told him I never agreed to that when we got into this relationship. He was pissed and we left the party. That was the night he really beat me bad and I ended up in the hospital. I couldn't do it anymore. I decided things in my life needed to change. I filed charges and found out others had done it against him before too. The prosecutor got in contact with a couple of the others and only one other one was brave enough to file charges against him again. I was never with him again. I saw him at the trial, where I knew he was seething with anger. I never dreamed he would come after me again when he got out. I should have been more aware. It is my fault. I knew he had been released a few months ago."

Nick reached out and took his good hand and held it in his. He hated seeing so much pain and hurt in his beautiful brown eyes. "Look, Jasper is just a sick, sick man, along with that Rex and Chris. You are not to blame. As you said, you had no choice this time around. He kidnapped you and locked you up and never gave you a chance to escape. He wanted you and wanted to share you this time and knew that he could with brute force.

"Now look, I don't want you upset anymore tonight. Your doctor wants you to eat and I made you throw up anything you did eat." Greg gave him a sheepish look after his comment. "See, I did, so to make up for it, if you want, I will go out and get you any takeout you want, as long as they allow me," he smiled. He wiped a lone tear away from Greg's cheek that had fallen.

Greg nodded, "Okay, but I'm not really hungry now." He shrugged.

"Again, my fault but you need to eat. How about some soup from The Soup House? I can get your favorite and maybe some bread sticks?" Nick asked.

"I can maybe do that…thanks."

"No, thank you for forgiving me for being such a jackass in saying what I said to you. I promise to make it up to you," Nick said sincerely.

Greg just looked at him timidly. "Okay."

Nick smiled and got up to go. "I'll be back in a bit with your food."

Once he was outside and getting into his truck, he broke down crying. He never felt worse about anything he did in his life as he did now. Greg had already been through so much pain and suffering and then he had to add to it with his moment of doubt. He didn't know how he would ever make it up to him.

Greg never wanted Nick to know he was into that lifestyle at one time. He knew Nick thought it was sick lifestyle. One time when they had a case about it, he remembered Nick talking down about how he thought those people who did that stuff were freaks.

He curled up on his side and wished that none of this had happened. What did he do to deserve what happened to him? If he never had got involved in that lifestyle none of this would have happened. Nick was wrong, all of this was his fault. He brought it upon himself. He could just picture Jasper laughing his ass off now, knowing he was successful in destroying Greg's life.

Nick walked in about an hour later and saw that Greg was asleep. He put the bag of soup and breadsticks on the table and sat down. The bruises on his face had faded to a mostly yellowed coloring now. He never really paid attention before but now he noticed a few of the scars from burns he had received on his arms. Nick shook his head in shame. How could he have ever even entertained what Rex said? They tortured him into preferring to give in to their sexual perverseness.

He saw Greg's eyes flutter open. He forced a smile to his face. "Hey sleepyhead, I got your Cream of Potato and Ham soup that you love."

Greg stared at Nick a moment. He had a guilty look on his face. He looked away as he sat up in bed. "Thanks," he mumbled as he pulled the tray table closer to him and took the contents out of the bag. He had to admit, the smell made him hungry.

Nick watched as he smelled the soup before putting a spoon in it. It had already cooled down enough to eat right away.

Greg took the first sip of the soup and savored it. It was the first real good food he had had in months, even though it was only soup, it was marvelous. He then took a breadstick and dipped it into the soup and then took a bite. Again he savored the taste. "Oh my God, thank you. I did not realize how much I missed real food," he said with his mouth half full.

"You're welcome," Nick said with a small smile. He wondered what they had fed him while he was there. He realized there was so much he didn't know about those four months that Greg was gone. He wondered if he would ever know all of it. Then again he was not sure he wanted to know, but if he was to ever understand what his boyfriend really went through and how to deal with him, he needed to know.

He was glad Greg had the appetite to eat everything he brought him. He was still far too skinny, his cheeks still sunken in, but not as bad as when they first brought him in. Greg was always lean looking but now he was just boney, even his arms looked so thin still. He watched him eat and knew he would never know all of what happened. There had to be things Greg would never talk about because he wouldn't want to remember them.

He felt overwhelmed all of the sudden by being in Greg's presence, knowing what he must have suffered through, the torture and pain he suffered. Watching him eat like it was his first meal, seeing him so thin, the healing bruises and rough scars; it was all too much for him to deal with suddenly.

He suddenly stood up. "Uh, I just remembered I have something to do, uh, with the case. You finish that soup up and I'll see you tomorrow sometime, okay?" He started walking towards the door already.

Greg looked up at him, shocked by his abruptness. "Oh, okay. Tomorrow then…, I guess."

"Yeah tomorrow. Get better, okay," Nick said before he quickly walked out the door.

Greg stared at the door Nick just practically ran through. He then looked down at his almost empty bowl of soup and pushed it away. He sat back against the pillows and stared at the door. He was right, Nick couldn't look at him the same way anymore. He thought he was disgusting. Why would he ever want him now anyway, he was a mess to look at, scars and burns. But he had to know that the thought that Jasper and the other two had had sex with him multiple times ultimately had to be the turn off. Why would Nick ever want to be with him again after what they did to him?

Tears sprung to his eyes as he knew he would not be able to keep Nick once he was back at home. If Nick really knew all the ugly details, he would never want to lay a hand on him again. He rolled back on his side and curled up as tightly as he could without hurting too much. He just wanted to make all the pain and sufferings go away and for Nick to have never found out the truth.


	7. The First Time

Nick went to work so he could focus on finding the others who violated Greg now that one of them was taken off the streets. He had to do something for Greg and he figured this was the one thing that he could do for him. That way he wouldn't have to be scared about Jasper still possibly wanting to come after him.

"Hey, what are you doing here? I thought you were spending time with Greg?" Sara asked Nick as he entered the locker room to grab his CSI Vest.

"I was with him, but you know he is still pretty weak and sleeps a lot, so I decided to come in for a few hours and help out to find the other two guys, now that one has been caught," he told her with half-truths. He was ashamed to tell her the full truth.

Sara knew him better than he thought. She knew he was there for other reasons. "You know, for months you couldn't wait to find him. I remember you saying you were never going to let him out of your sight if you found him alive. Well you did and here you are, out of his sight."

He looked at her and sighed. He sat down on the bench and rubbed his hands over his face. "Sara, I am a total asshole. I said something to him today that I know really hurt him. He's already hurting so much and I made things worse. I feel like the worst person ever. I just couldn't sit there and act like nothing happened. I had to get away for a bit."

Sara sat down next to him. "Nick, you might have said something terrible to him, but running away from him now is not the thing to do. He needs you. He needs to know you will protect him right now. Like you said, he is already hurting, he is still very fragile. You keep disappearing on him, leaving him alone; he might feel abandoned by you."

He shook his head. "Not right now, I just can't be there. Trust me, I will make things worse right now. I'll be there first thing in the morning."

Sara sighed. "Well, I think he could use you right now but if you are not comfortable around him then perhaps you should stay away. He doesn't need to feel any worse. I just hope you realize that. Well I got some evidence to check on with Henry. I'll see you later on." She left him sitting on the bench in thought.

Deep down he knew she was right, Greg was still very vulnerable and leaving him like he did had to have affected him. He wanted to kick himself. He was making all the wrong moves, only making things worse. For now, he would focus on finding out where Jasper Marks was. If he ever found him alone, he was not sure what he would do to the guy.

Greg walked back to his bed, with assistance from his physical therapist. It was the next morning and he just had his first session and he ached all over. He never realized how much weight and muscle he had lost until he saw himself in the mirror in the therapy room. He hardly recognized himself. Then on top of that, because he hardly had much chance to walk much when he was held captive, his was weak and needed to be able to regain enough strength to walk without his legs getting wobbly. After spending so much time on his knees, they had become a little messed up too. His therapist warned him in the distant future he might have to have surgery on his knees if he remains in pain while walking but hopefully with good exercise he would not need it. He was grateful he had the nasty mattress only because his knees would have been much worse.

"Thanks Misty," he said to his physical therapist before she left.

"See you tomorrow, Greg. Get some rest." He waited for her to leave before getting back up and slowly making his way to the bathroom in his room. Prior to today, he had avoided looking at his reflection in the mirror. Now after seeing himself in the full mirror in the workout room, he wanted to take a better look at himself in the mirror in the bathroom.

He walked up to the sink after turning on the light and used it for support at he stared at himself. His face hardly had any bruises left, but he still looked pale and almost anorexic. He looked at the bandage still around his neck. He lifted his hand and touched it. He knew it would leave some scarring, always reminding him that he was Jasper's at one time.

_He woke up to mostly darkness. A small stream of light was coming in from a crack in a covered up small window on the other side of the room he was in. It was musty smelling and cold wherever he was. He felt something around his neck and reached up and felt the collar around his neck. He started to panic and got up and noticed he was only in his pants. His shirt had been removed. He felt the tug on the collar and felt for the chain that held him from going very far. He tried yanking on the chain but there was no give. He yelled for help but there was no one to hear him. His fingers felt around the collar frantically, trying to see if there was a way to get the collar off him. The more he yanked on it; he noticed there was something on the inside of the collar digging into his skin. _

_ He saw something on the ground and realized it was a small mattress. He had not been laying on it when he woke up though. Nearby there was a sink and toilet. He went over and ran the water a little. The toilet seemed to be in working order. He used the bit of light to try to see what else there might have been there but he could not see anything else. His throat was dry so he cupped his hands and took some water from the sink to drink. _

_ He spent at least an hour or more trying to free himself, to no avail when suddenly he heard noise from above. He started screaming for help. He heard a door open and footsteps come down. A light came on and he squinted from the light and then he saw someone coming into view. When he saw who it was, he almost wished no one had come down. _

_ The tall, muscular, blonde haired man smiled at him with malice. "I see you finally woke up, my little Greg. It's been way too long." He walked up to Greg as he backed into the corner. _

_ "Why are you backing away from me? I thought you cared for me at one time. At one time you came crawling to me, but don't worry, soon you will be again." _

_ "Jasper, what do you want from me?" Greg finally asked at seeing his former boyfriend._

_ Jasper got right in Greg's face and glared at him. "It's time for payback, bitch!" Suddenly he punched Greg in the face with such force, he fell to the ground. Next thing Greg knew he was being kicked in the ribs. He felt pain as he knew a rib cracked. _

_ Next thing he knew, he was on his back, with Jasper straddling over him. Jasper was staring down at him maliciously. "You know what; I got a taste of what it was like to be a subordinate while in prison. I didn't enjoy it and it's your entire fault. It's time for you to be on the bottom again, my slave". _

_ Greg struggled to free himself from under him by hitting him with his fists. Jasper leaned back and reached behind him and pulled out a pair of handcuffs from his back pocket. "I won't have any of that." He grabbed his left wrist and latched a cuff around it and then pulled it back behind his head. Then he grabbed his other wrist and cuffed it. He had made it so that the cuffs were behind the chain that went to his collar, preventing him from pulling them over his head. _

_ Jasper smiled now as he knew he had control. He pressed his hand down on Greg's chest and then moved down until he reached his waistband. He smirked and started undoing Greg's pants. Greg squirmed under him, trying to stop him but he couldn't. "Get your hands off me, you bastard!" Greg screamed at him. Next thing he knew Jasper had him stripped down naked. "This is how I like you, all flesh, all mine."_

_He sat up over him and undid his own pants, setting free his hard cock. "Open up, boy!" He grinned maliciously down at Greg._

_ "Fuck you!" Greg yelled and then clamped his mouth shut. _

_ Jasper just grinned. "Oh no, you will learn, it will be you being fucked." He slapped him on the mouth and told him to open up. Greg still refused even though he knew he would eventually lose this fight. He prayed someone would find him soon._

_ He felt fingers digging into his hair and pulling back hard. He screamed in pain and the next thing he knew his mouth was filled with Jasper's hard cock. "Suck it like you use to, Greggy," he heard Jasper say over him._

_ Greg just wondered how long this would go on. He never dreamed it would go on as long as it did._

_ "Greg? _Greg!" he heard and suddenly felt someone behind him. "Don't touch me!" He yelled as he tried to turn around and lost his footing on his unsteady legs. He felt someone put his arms around him as he almost fell to the ground. He started squirming to get free. "Let me go! Stop it!"

Nick had come in to visit his boyfriend. When he saw his bed empty he looked over and saw the light on in the bathroom and went over to it to see Greg standing, staring in the mirror. He seemed to be in a daze of some sort and his face was expressionless. He decided to get his attention by saying his name but when he was not responding he got worried and came up closer behind him when suddenly Greg turned around and almost fell. He went to grab him from falling to the ground when he started yelling at him.

Nick was at a loss at what to do when he started fighting him to let him go. "Greg, it's just me, Nick. It's Nick," he yelled at him. It really scared him to see Greg get in such a state that he didn't know who he was dealing with. The good part was that Greg was still so weak his fighting was futile and so he took him over to his bed. He noticed Greg stopped fighting him and stopped yelling as they approached the bed.

He sat him down on the bed and noticed that Greg was staring at him with shock. "Nick?" he asked with a tiny tremor in his voice.

"Yeah, it's just me."

"Oh God!" He buried his head in his hands. "Oh God, I am so sorry. I thought…I'm sorry I fought you." He started sobbing.

"No, shhhh, it's okay," he cooed as he sat next to him on the bed. He was afraid to touch him, fearing it might trigger another reaction, so he just sat there speaking to him. "Don't worry about it, Greg. I understand."

But Greg shook his head. "No, you don't. I can't stop thinking about it. It sucks me in and I think I am there again and they are…" He didn't finish his sentence. He couldn't say it aloud.

"Look why don't you just lay back down and try to relax. You keep working yourself up and you will never fully recover if you keep doing that," Nick tried telling him.

Greg finally nodded in agreement. Nick got up and helped get him into bed properly. He couldn't help but notice one of the bad burns that was partially healing on his leg before he pulled it up under the sheets. He remembered seeing numerous cuts and burns all over his body when the first found him but so many were coated over with dried blood and dirt he was not really sure how bad they were. Now he could see how the more visible ones were. He had yet to see the ones on his back and chest. He shook his head, trying not to think of all that right now. Greg was in need of attention.

Greg looked sheepishly at Nick. "I'm a mess, aren't I," he stated more as a fact then a question.

Nick gave him a small smile. "You might be a mess, but you're my mess and I wouldn't trade you for anything." His boyfriend smiled a little.

"Thanks, I needed that because I started wondering if you wouldn't be better without me," he said as he looked down and picked at the bandage on his left wrist.

Nick grabbed his right hand to stop him from what he was doing and held it. "Don't think that. You have no idea how happy I was to see you were still alive. I had feared the worst that when I found you, you might be dead. You're here alive and maybe not in the best of shape but you are here and that's all that matters to me. I did not lose you. I love you, Greg. I just wish there was more I could do for you. I hate seeing you suffer so much."

Greg shrugged. "I'm better than I was, it's just I have these moments that just…I dunno, overwhelm me."

Nick looked into those big, sad brown eyes and wished that he could make all the pain and horrible memories go away. "I know but things will get better with time. Memories fade, I know."

Greg knew he was talking about when he was buried alive and he knew he had nightmares from that long after, even recently on occasion. "I know, but this is a bit different Nick. I mean not to diminish what happened to you, but the period of time is vastly different. The circumstances are different," he said empathetically.

"I know that, I know this is different. I wasn't comparing, I was just simply saying, things will get better over time," he told him with a bit of impatience.

Greg looked away, towards the window. He wanted to change the subject. "You know, my doc says I might be going home by the end of the week."

"Well, that's great news. Why don't you seem happier about it?" Nick asked.

He was looking out the window still. "It's just that…he knows where I lived, he grabbed me there. I guess I am just scared that he might return for me."

Nick could hear it clearly in his voice now, the uncertainty; the fear. "I know that now. I've had all the locks changed and installed security system with a camera out front. I don't want you to not feel safe in your own house."

Greg finally turned and looked at Nick again. "Really? You did all that for me?"

Nick smiled at him. "Of course I did. It'll all be done by the time you get home." He had actually thought about it while at work the night before and decided to call and get it done ASAP.

"Thanks, Nicky. It means a lot," he said with a tiny smile. Then he proceeded to yawn. "Is it okay if I catch some sleep? I'm pretty tired since I had my physical therapy session."

"Sure, G. You go get some sleep. I'll stick around, so don't worry. This chair is use to me sleeping in it lately," he smiled.

"Okay, sleepy time then," he said as he yawned again before closing his eyes.

"Sleep well, Greg," Nick whispered as he stared at the man he loved. He had been through so much. He deserved a good homecoming at least and to feel safe there. He hated that Jasper knew where they lived, but he didn't think that man was stupid enough to show up there again, knowing they were looking for him. If anything, Nick planned on taking a couple days off when Greg first came home, so he could be there for him.

He had done a lot of thinking after his previous talk with Sara and knew she was right in that he had to be his priority. As much as he wanted to still find Jasper and Chris, he knew he was needed by Greg more. When he saw him freak out in the bathroom, he knew he had a long road ahead with Greg. He only wished he could get him to open up more. It worried him that he was not willing to talk much overall about what happened. He felt that the worst was still yet to come in regards to Greg dealing with all that happened.

He closed his own eyes, saying a silent prayer that Greg would be able to get past of this someday.

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_Hope you all are enjoying it so far. Reviews are appreciated!_ TBC...


	8. Going Home

Greg was worried about going home. It had been so long since he had been there and the last time he was, he was grabbed by Jasper Marks and his nightmare had begun. Now today Nick was coming by to take him home.

The last few days his physical therapy sessions had gone fairly well. He was working hard to get back to normal strength. He didn't like feeling helpless. If he did have another encounter with Jasper or even Chris, he wanted to be able to give some kind of fight. So he had worked hard in his sessions. Misty even told him to slow down a little as he wore himself out after each session, but now he was well enough to be released.

Nick went up to the nurses' station to check on Greg's release. "Mr. Stokes, can we talk a minute?" A petite woman about the same age as him in a white doctor's coat was the one who called him. He recognized her as Dr. Warren; she was a psychologist who had spoken to Greg a few times while he was in the hospital.

"Yes, sure, what's up?" He asked her.

"Before you take Greg home, I want you to know that I am still worried a bit about him. He has yet to really say much about what really happened during those four months. You already know he suffers from panic attacks. Just keep an eye on him and let me know if there is something that bothers you about how he is acting. I'm worried he is yet to have a big emotional breakdown or PTSD symptoms," she told him.

He nodded in equal concern. "Yeah, I know. I worry too. He seems to refuse to tell me much. I get the feeling he thinks I will think less of him if I know the details of what happened to him, which is not the case," Nick confessed to her.

"Right and yet by keeping it all inside it is libel to take its toll on him. Just give me a call if you become worried." She handed him her business card.

"I'll keep this handy. Thanks for letting me know. Otherwise, is he ready to go home now?" He asked.

"Yes, Dr. Smith just finished with his final checkup. They removed his cast from his wrist today. He will just have to wear a brace for a while but it can be removed for showers. Make sure he replaces some of his bandages on his more serious scabs after bathing also. Otherwise Greg has his prescriptions already and he's just waiting for you. Take care of him." Nick nodded and thanked her.

He walked into Greg's room and saw him sitting on the side of the bed in jeans and his burgundy hoodie.

"So you ready to head home?" Greg looked up and saw Nick standing in the doorway.

"Yes, I am. I'm sick of this place. I'm ready to be home." He saw a nurse come in behind Nick with a wheelchair.

"Hospital policy to leave in a wheelchair," she smiled at him. He groaned but got up and went to sit in the chair, gently. He was still slightly sore. He looked up at her from the chair. "Can Nick at least push me out?"

She smiled with a nod. "Yes, he can." She let Nick take the handles on the wheelchair.

"You got your stuff?" Nick asked him. Greg patted the duffle bag that Nick had brought him the day before with his change of clothes. "Okay, let's get you out of here then."

Greg remained quiet as he pushed him out of the hospital into the parking lot and stopped for him to get to his feet at the SUV. Nick just smiled at him as he opened the door for him to get in.

As Nick started up the vehicle, he asked if Greg was okay, since he had been so quiet. "It's been so long since I have actually been anywhere besides that nasty basement or a hospital room, I am just absorbing it all."

Nick felt sadness, hearing what he had just said. He had not really thought about it that way. "How about I take the long way home from here, let you see some more of what you have been missing."

Greg gave him a sad smile. "I'd like that. Do you mind if I roll down the window too to get some fresh air? It feels nice out."

"Do whatever you please."

Nick kept glancing over at Greg on the drive home. Greg kept his face turned, looking out the open window. It seemed as if he had never breathed fresh air before. It made Nick's heart break just thinking how horrible it had to be to not see the outdoors or breathe fresh air for over four months. He was just getting a slight clue at how much Greg had missed when he was being held captive and how much it affected him.

"I never thought I would miss the Vegas strip and all the lights and casinos as much as I do." He turned to look at Nick. "If I haven't said it, thanks for saving me."

Nick looked at him and saw his eyes were watery. Nick gave him a small smile. "You're welcome." If his heart was not already breaking, it certainly was now seeing the somber look on his face. He wanted to just pull him into a hug right there, if he could. "We're almost home. Do you want to stop and get carry out?"

Greg nodded. "Chinese?"

"Sure, we can swing by China Jade."

After stopping to pick up some Chinese food, they arrived at the home they shared for the last two years. Nick got out of the SUV with the take out in hand and noticed that Greg had not moved. He saw him scanning the area. Nick frowned and went over to the passenger door and opened it. "Greg, he's not here now. Just let me take you inside, okay?"

Greg looked over at his boyfriend and chewed on his lower lip a moment before finally getting out of the vehicle. He walked close to Nick, as he unlocked the door. "Remind me to give you the new set of keys and the alarm code," Nick said as he quickly entered the house and shut the door. Greg heard the beeping of an alarm system and saw Nick go over to a control panel and punch in a code. Greg slowly walked farther into the house. Not much had changed since he had last seen it but it still felt foreign to him, almost.

Nick noticed that he had stopped about half way into the living room. He put the food down on the kitchen counter and came over to where Greg stood. "Hey, it's okay. If you want, I will check the whole place out just to make sure the coast is clear."

"Yeah, can you? I'm sorry but…," he was interrupted by Nick.

"No, no apologies. I understand. Just put down your duffle bag and sit tight. I'll be right back." Nick took off towards the hallway where the bedrooms were.

Greg put the duffle bag down on the coffee table and scanned the room. He saw a calendar on the wall with days crossed off on it. He went up closer to it and saw that the crossed off days stopped the day he was found. Nick really had been counting the days that he had been gone. He pulled the calendar off the wall and paged back through the last few months, ending up on the month of June. June 27th was the day the X's began. That was the day his nightmare began.

"I marked off every day, hoping one day I could stop and I did." He spun around and saw Nick standing behind him. "Sorry, didn't mean to sneak up on you. I just saw you looking at the calendar."

Greg put it back to the month of November and placed it back on the wall. "I did not really realize we were already in November and Thanksgiving was so close," he said to him.

"I was praying to find you before the holidays and I am glad I did. Now we can spend Thanksgiving and Christmas together, as it should be." Nick noticed he seemed to look unsure of something. "What's wrong? The house is clear. There is no one here."

"No, not that, It's nothing, I just…I'm sorry I ever thought you stopped looking for me," he told him sincerely.

"Look, don't worry about it. I can't blame you. Let's not worry about that and eat our food before it gets cold." Greg nodded and walked with Nick to the kitchen table and took a seat.

Greg had regained his appetite and chowed down on the Chinese food in no time flat. He leaned back in the chair when he finished and felt full. Nick smiled at him, seeing he was satisfied with his meal. "Do you maybe want to watch a movie tonight or something?" He asked him.

Greg shook his head. "No, I rather turn in early. I am tired; it's been a long day."

"Okay, well let me clean up here and I'll join you," Nick said to him as he gathered the plates on the table.

Greg's eyes widened. "Uh, I don't think I am ready to share our bed yet. I will just take the guest room."

Nick looked at him, a little surprised. "Oh. Well no, then I will sleep in the guest room, you can have the main bedroom."

"Nick, I don't want to argue. I'm fine with sleeping in the guest room, seriously. It's just until…well until I'm ready again." He hoped he would understand.

His boyfriend sighed, but he was not going to argue with him. He knew he still needed his space. He knew it was still too early but then he also thought that Greg liked having him close by. "Well just know, you are welcome back to our bed whenever you are ready."

"Thanks, I just don't want you mad at me."

"I couldn't be mad at you about that. I get it; you still need your space. Let me at least set up the guest room for you then. There are no sheets on the bed, so let me at least make it up for you," Nick told him.

"Okay. Um, I think I will take a shower then while you do that."

"Go ahead, do what you need. This is your house too, remember."

"Yeah I know everything just feels weird to me right now. But like you said, give it some time," Greg said with a slight smile.

"That's right," Nick smiled back. "I'll take care of things here, go ahead and take your shower. Yell if you need anything."

Greg got up and grabbed some stuff from the bedroom he usually shared with Nick and headed off to the bathroom. He saw that none of his stuff had been moved from its original position since he was gone. It made him feel more at home.

He found himself locking the bathroom door, something he never did before. After having been naked and exposed for so long, he was nervous at taking off all his clothes to take a shower. If he could have, he would have showered with clothes on but he knew that would be silly. He turned on the water and let it warm up. He took off his clothes quickly removed his wrist brace and got in the shower. The water was warmer than it probably should be and it burned against his wounds, but it was the first time he was able to bathe himself since being freed.

He immediately grabbed the bar of soap and washcloth and started scrubbing himself all over. Suddenly he could feel their hands all over him again and he needed to wash them off him. He kept soaping himself all over and rubbing harder than he should have in some areas, causing some not fully healed scabs to bleed. He peeled off the bandages that were still on some of the wounds and around his neck. He did not realize how long he was taking; he just had an overwhelming need to feel clean.

"Greg? Are you okay in there? You've been in there a while." Nick had finished cleaning up the kitchen and then setting up the guest bedroom for Greg and realized the shower was still running. It had been almost 30 minutes. He got worried and knocked on the door.

Greg was startled by Nick's voice and dropped the bar of soap. He reached down to pick it up and saw some of the water was running red. "Crap!" He said and realized he was bleeding somewhere.

"Greg!" Nick called again after no response and tried the door which he discovered was locked.

"Give me another couple of minutes and I'll be out," he finally yelled back. He took the shower head handle and rinsed himself off. He turned off the water and opened the door to grab a towel. He reached around his backside and touched a spot he knew where he had been burned badly by the mini torch. It was bleeding. He also could see a few other spots where the scabs had come off and he was bleeding. He opened the cabinet to pull out new bandages and realized his hands were shaking. He suddenly was finding it hard to breathe. He was starting to have a panic attack. He tried remembering what his doctor told him to do when this happened. He sat down on the toilet seat and tried to calm down so he did not feel like he was suffocating.

He heard Nick yelled his name again. He couldn't let Nick see him like this, he would freak out. "I…I need to reapply my …my bandages and I will be …out," he managed to tell him through quick breaths.

"I'll give you five more minutes and if you are not out, I'm busting this door down," Nick told him, worried about him taking so long.

Greg put his head between his legs and counted slowly to ten to calm his breathing to normal. After a minute he managed to relax enough to take the towel to dry himself off. He stood up and grabbed the bandages to place over the wounds he had irritated and broken open. Once done with the obvious one, he looked up in the mirror and saw his reflection. He saw the redness of the skin around his neck. He was not bleeding as it had mostly healed enough but the collar had left a permanent ring around his neck in pinkish scars. He shivered a moment thinking about that collar around his neck then he started putting a bandage around his neck to cover it. He was not sure he ever wanted to leave his neck exposed again. It would be the one truly visible reminder of his ordeal.

"Greg?" He heard Nick yell again. He huffed in frustration and quickly threw on his pajama bottoms and a long sleeved t-shirt. He grabbed his wrist brace and put it on his left wrist. "I'm coming, I'm coming."

He ran a hand through his unruly hair and vowed to get it cut shorter again. He didn't want the four month growth anymore. He took the towel that had some blood on it and balled it up and put it in the hamper. He took a deep calming breath before unlocking the door and opening it.

Nick looked him up and down once he came out. He looked like he had taken a fairly hot shower since his skin was still reddish. "Are you okay?"

Greg nodded. "Yeah, sorry I lost track of time." He started to walk past him. He stopped when Nick started speaking.

Nick had an idea why his shower took so long. "You know, after my babysitter had touched me, I could not wait to take a shower and wash the feel of her hands all over me off. I remember taking the longest shower I had ever taken…well at least until after I was buried alive. I know it's been over two weeks since you were found, but you never really got to clean yourself until now."

Greg looked down at the ground. He should have known Nick would understand. "Yeah, once I got in there I just kind of started freaking out and wanted to feel clean. I guess I got carried away. I opened a few of my wounds, but I bandaged them again. I'll be okay."

"Well, if you are okay now, why don't you go to bed? I'll bring you a couple of your pills the doctor said you need to take before you go to bed," Nick said to him softly.

"Thanks." Greg headed off to the guest room where the bed was ready for him to crawl into. They had a queen bed in the guest room which he could not wait to crawl in. He sat on the side of the bed, waiting for Nick to bring his medications.

Nick came in a minute later with a glass of water and three pills. "I got your stuff here." He handed them to Greg and watched him drink them down. Greg set the glass down on the nightstand.

"Thanks again," he said quietly.

"No problem. Why don't you get into bed now?"

He felt like a little kid being told to get into bed but in a way he liked it. He pulled back the sheets and crawled in and pulled them back up over him. He felt so much better being in a familiar bed. He had slept in that bed a few times in the past when they had a spat and he couldn't stand sharing the bed with Nick for a night.

Nick sat down on the edge of the bed. "If you need anything, just holler. I'm just a door away. I'm not that tired yet so I am going to catch up on some news and sports. But you get some rest. Sleep well, G."

Greg smiled timidly at him. "I'll try. Thanks for everything, Nick. I love you."

He grinned back at him. "I love you too. Things will get better, I promise." He grabbed his good hand and squeezed it tight in affection. Nick got up and headed out of the bedroom. He was about to close the door all the way when Greg stopped him.

"No! Uh, can you keep it a crack open? I can't deal with the complete darkness right now," he said sheepishly.

"Got it, I'll leave it like this," he said as he left it open about half a foot, letting some of the light from the hallway enter the room.

"Thanks and goodnight Nick."

"Night, Greg."

Greg turned over onto this side and pulled the covers all the way up to his neck, curling up tight. He hoped he would finally be able to have a good night sleep being he was home. He felt safe knowing Nick was in the other room and was able to fall fast asleep.

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_Reviews are appreciated! Thanks for continuing to read._...tbc


	9. Memories

_A/N- I really want to thank all of you who have been leaving such nice reviews on the story. I know it is a tough one to read and this chapter here is one of the hardest ones yet to read. Thankfully Greg does have Nick there for him, but they still have along road ahead of them before things really seem to go better. Again, this chapter has some pretty dark stuff in it, just to warn you. Thanks for continuing to read..._

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He woke up to screaming. He sprang out of bed and ran into the bedroom where the screaming came from. He opened up the door and saw Greg sitting up in bed, slightly shaking. "Are you okay?" Nick asked him as he came closer to him.

The nightmare seemed to be his worst yet and his own screaming woke him up. "Yeah, just give me a minute. I'll be okay." He ran a hand through his hair.

Nick sat down next to him on the bed. "You want to talk about it? It might help." Greg shook his head. "Greg, you can't keep all this bottled in. You need to talk about what happened…if not me see that doctor."

Greg looked down at the floor. "I'm scared; I'm scared what you will think of me if you knew all that happened. Will you ever be able to look at me the same way?"

Nick wanted to touch him, hold him but he was afraid how he would react. Maybe Greg had a point, if he was worried to touch him right now, would knowing more of the horrid details deter him even more? He shook his head as the answer came to him. "No, nothing will change how I feel for you. I love you, nothing will change that."

Greg didn't believe him and he was going to see how he would react with a major test. "Did you get a good look at what they put on my lower back?"

Nick didn't know what he was talking about. He knew he had many burns and cuts and dried blood when they found him but he only really saw the damage done to his neck and torso. He was almost afraid to know now. "No, I don't."

Greg turned his back towards Nick and pulled down the right side of his pants far enough to reveal what the letters J and M intertwined in what looked like a branding. Nick felt a bit nauseous seeing the burned marking on him, knowing it had to hurt like hell and also knowing what it meant. "Jesus, I didn't see that. Why didn't you mention it to me?"

He pulled his pants back up and turned to face him again. His face was so sad. "Because I didn't want you to know he marked me as his. He made it himself. He said he'd been waiting to use it. He told me it would be a constant reminder to myself that I belonged to him." Tears started forming in his eyes. "So will you ever be able to make love to me again, seeing that on me? You may but you'll always be reminded just as I am, of what happened." He finally lowered his head, in shame, letting his tears fall.

Nick was overwhelmed in heartache, he started crying himself. He reached out to touch him and was quickly pushed away by Greg. "No, don't touch me. No, I'm no good…you don't want me," Greg said through sobs.

The Texan was at a loss of what to do. He wanted so badly to comfort him but he would not allow it. "I do want you. I will always want you, no matter what you think of yourself. I just…I want to help you but I don't know how."

Greg shook his head. "I don't know how either. I just don't want to feel this way, to have all these hellish memories. I just want to forget it all, be oblivious," he said as he sniffled, trying to control his emotions.

"I want to hold you, G. I want you to feel safe in my arms. Please, just let me hold you," Nick pleaded with him, wanting desperately to comfort him.

His tortured lover suddenly got to his feet. "No, I can't," he said quietly before walking out of the bedroom.

Nick lowered his head in his hands in frustration and grief. He wished Greg would get help or talk to someone about his feelings.

After a couple of minutes he got up and walked out to see Greg sitting cross legged on the sofa, eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's Ice cream. His gaze was on the TV, which had on the game show network, running a rerun of Jeopardy. Nick walked in slowly. "Is it okay if I come in?"

Greg didn't look at him but only nodded that it was okay. He came in and sat down on the sofa with him. They didn't talk at all. Greg just ate the ice cream while watching the old game show. Nick sat by, not really expecting anything from him but just wanting him to know he was there for him if he needed him. He owed him that much.

Greg polished off the whole pint of Cherry Garcia. He placed the empty container on the coffee table. He sat hunched over, staring straight ahead at nothing in particular. "There was this day that I'll never forget."

Nick was shocked to hear him speak all of the sudden. He turned down the volume on the TV. Greg continued on.

"It had been a couple of days since they had come to see me; at least it seemed like a couple of days. I dunno, I no longer knew how to keep track of day and night. It just felt like time was endless. I heard them coming, I could always hear them coming down the stairs. Jasper had heavy steps and would always be saying my name as he came down, in a sing song like way. 'Oh Greggy! Greggy, time for fun'. They turned on that damn single light that just barely lit up the basement." He shook his head a moment before continuing on.

"Anyway, Jasper came down with Rex and a new guy I had not seen before. I already felt my skin crawling seeing these three men glaring at me like a piece of meat. I was in the corner, knees pulled up to my chest, praying for once they would not touch me. No such luck. Jasper came and kneeled down before me. He stared at me with malice. 'I have a friend who decided to join us. Meet Chris. You may or may not remember him from the Enslavement club. It's going to be a real party tonight.' He said to me. Then he stood up and told me to get on my hands and knees. When I did not move he kicked me in my side, adding to the pain I was already in. After more coaxing I got in the position and then Jasper came around to stand behind me. I saw Rex nudge Chris forward, he seemed a bit nervous. 'Come on, he gives the best blow jobs,' Rex had told him. I glared at both of them. Jasper then encouraged Chris by rubbing my ass and I could see the bulge growing in Chris' pants. I had to fight down the urge to vomit because if I did…" He paused and seemed to have paled at an unspoken memory.

Nick was about to tell him he didn't have to say anymore, he didn't want to hear what he went through. The agony in his voice told so much but then he started up again.

"Chris moved closer and finally undid his pants and pulled out his cock. Just as he did that I could feel Jasper stick his fingers in my ass. I knew I was going to be fucked both ways again."

Nick closed his eyes and lowered his head. He felt sick hearing him say it aloud; it made him realize it really did happen to him. He wanted to badly to believe it didn't but now couldn't deny it.

"They took turns over the next few hours, occasionally going back upstairs and drinking and smoking. Then they would come back down and force me into position again and do me again. When I resisted some, they put an O-ring gag in my mouth, holding my mouth open for them without having to force me.

"They had been upstairs for a while this last time, I thought they were done with me…I prayed they were done. I was in so much pain, I could not take anymore, but the worst was yet to come. I heard them hooting and hollering and suddenly they came rushing down the stairs. I looked up and saw Jasper holding some kind of strike branding thing that looked red hot. I started freaking out and trying to back away but Chris, at least I am pretty sure it was him. He had on a black leather S&M mask all of the sudden, it was weird. Anyway he and Rex forced me down on my stomach and pinned me down. I begged and pleaded for them not to do this. I just remember Jasper saying 'You'll always be mine and now you and everyone will know when they see you naked.' Then I felt the searing of my skin and smelled my own flesh burning once again. The pain was too much…I passed out. Next thing I remember is waking up, my whole body in pain but especially where he branded me. I was in the dark again."

Greg stood up all of the sudden and went to the patio door to look out. It was in the middle of the night. He wrapped his arms around himself. "That was when I gave up hope. I thought I would never see the stars in the night sky again or the sun shining on the Vegas Strip and that I would never see you again. It was over for me then. I just was hoping the next time they came they were going to kill me, but they never did. I was just their play thing, their sex toy."

Nick had tears running down his cheeks. He had no idea it was that bad, or at least he had hoped it was not but now he knew and wished he never asked Greg to talk about it. He realized now that he may never be able to hold Greg the way he used to. If he did hold him, he would be holding onto him for dear life, never wanting to let go and no harm come to him again.

They were both silent for some time, Nick sitting on the sofa and Greg staring out the window. Greg wiped tears away from his eyes. He didn't know why all of the sudden he decided to tell Nick all of that and almost felt guilty for telling him. He turned around and looked at Nick, who had his head in his hands.

"Sorry, I just…you wanted me to talk and suddenly I had to say something," Greg offered in an apology.

Nick looked up at him and saw him in a new light. The man he loved had been through beyond what he imagined and yet there he was apologizing to him for talking about it. He stood up suddenly and walked towards Greg, who backed away when he saw him coming. Nick stopped in his tracks, forgetting he still had fears even though he said so much. "Don't apologize for telling me what I asked you to do. I just wish…I wish you didn't go through all of that. I wish I didn't have to see the pain in your eyes every time I look at you these days. But you've got friends and family and me, we all love you and we will help you get through this pain. I'll do whatever you ask if it makes you feel better."

Greg gave him a bittersweet smile. "I just need my space for now. I'll let you know when I am ready to let you back in my space."

"Okay." He gazed at him for a moment in admiration for his getting this far after what he went through. "Are you ready to try to sleep again?" He finally asked.

He nodded. "Yeah, I'm tired. Oh and by the way, thanks for stocking the freezer with ice cream."

Nick smiled. "Well I knew you might want some comfort food and I know your weakness."

Greg gave a bittersweet smile. "You do know me well. Thank you for not giving up on me, Nick even though I gave up on myself."

Nick just gazed upon him with love. "I'll never give up on you, even now. You'll get through this."

He nodded sadly. "Yeah, I'm sure I will. Let's try to get some more sleep now."

Nick woke up several hours later and got up out of bed. He went to the bathroom before checking to see if Greg was awake yet. He peeked in his room and saw he was not there. He went out into the living room and saw Greg sitting on the sofa with his laptop. "Hey, did you get anymore sleep?" Nick asked him.

He looked up and smiled a bit seeing the Texan shirtless. He missed seeing him when he woke up, his eyes always a bit blurry. He missed a lot of things. "I've only been up about an hour. I already ate something. I was starving."

"Well, I am glad you have your appetite back. What did you eat?" Nick asked as he stepped into the kitchen area to open the refrigerator.

"I had a bowl of cereal and a glass of juice."

Nick pulled out the juice himself along with some milk. "I think I'll have some cereal too. What're you doing there?"

"Trying to check on my email, I have like 2000 some messages, most of it junk. Why is it some people have to send endless amounts of crap?"

Nick chuckled. "I don't know. Some people out there have nothing better to do then send emails about prescription drugs and sex."

"Yeah," he replied quietly.

Nick noticed his mood changed suddenly. He looked over at him and he seemed to be in a daze staring at his computer screen. "Hey are you okay there?"

When Nick mentioned drugs and sex, it triggered yet another memory for him. "You know, Jasper once came down there so high and then he shoved some pills down my throat. I don't know what they were but they gave me some freaky illusions. I know he got me to do things I would not have otherwise done. A couple days later when he came back to visit and feed me, he asked me if I remembered what happened last time he was there. I told him I didn't. He said that was no good, he wanted me to remember everything. He never gave me pills after that but on occasion he made me drink alcohol, some vile stuff too. I don't even know what it was. It used to mess with my head too since it was always on pretty much an empty stomach." He sat motionless for a moment before finally going back to do things on his computer.

Nick bit his lower lip. He was glad Greg was opening up some but every time he told him something new it made him despise the beast named Jasper even more if it was possible. "Damn, Greg. I am so sorry I didn't find you sooner. You shouldn't have had to go through all of that. You didn't deserve it." He saw Greg shrug his shoulders.

"Hmmm," he just mumbled. It worried Nick when he answered like that. He felt that he still thought he somehow was deserving of it for even being with Jasper and the slave lifestyle at one time.

"You didn't deserve it, Greg. I want you to understand that. Jasper had no rights to you, ever," Nick said clearly to him.

The sandy haired man turned to look at him. "Perhaps but I'll always be marked as his now, won't I?"

"You can talk to a plastic surgeon and see if they can do something to remove it."

"I already did when I was in the hospital. They said the process would be painful and I am not sure I want to go through that again. Besides all my other scars will be reminders anyway. Anytime I look at myself I will be reminded."

"There has to be something they can do," Nick said.

Greg closed his laptop and put it on the coffee table. He reached up and started removing the bandage around his neck. "Look Nick, another reminder that I cannot as easily hide. The collar scar marks will always be here, sure they will fade but again it is a reminder of Jasper's ownership of me. Face it Nick, I'll always belong to him in some way."

Nick pushed back his bowl of cereal, losing his appetite. The morning was not starting off well. "Greg, you don't belong to anyone. You don't even belong to me. You only belong to yourself. I don't care what you say. So just stop talking so stupid."

"Fine!" He got up and stormed off to the bathroom. Nick heard the door slam. He wanted to be mad at him but knowing all he had been through he couldn't be. He just felt sorry for him, knowing that over all the time he was held prisoner, Jasper must have convinced him the situation he was in was all his own doing.

Nick finally got to his feet and went over to the bathroom door. He knocked lightly on it. "Are you okay? I'm sorry I yelled at you."

"I'm fine. I'll be out in a little bit," he heard through the door.

"Okay. I have to make some phone calls. I'll be in the living room."

Greg stared at himself in the mirror as he replaced the bandage around his neck. He could almost hear Jasper whispering in his ear, like he did so often when he was fucking him. "You'll always be mine, Greggy…my bitch! I own your ass." He shivered at the thought. He couldn't look at himself anymore without being disgusted. He quickly walked out of the bathroom.

Nick saw him come out and noticed he looked a bit shaken. "You feeling okay, G? Do you feel a panic attack coming on?"

The younger man came over to sit down on the other side of the sofa from Nick. "I'm okay."

"Okay, well I'm going to take a shower. You sure you'll be okay for a few minutes? You look pale."

"I'm okay Nick. I can survive a few minutes while you are in the shower," he snarled.

Nick just sighed and got up. "Okay Greg." He felt like he couldn't worry about him without making him upset. He couldn't win. It was going to be a long road to normalcy.


	10. Gifts

A knock came to the door while Nick was in the shower and Greg jumped at the sound. He heard the knock again and got up slowly and went to the door. He was scared to open it. He looked through the peephole and breathed a sigh of relief. It was Sara. He turned off the alarm and opened the door. "Hey Sara."

She smiled at seeing him. "Greg, I'm so glad to see you up and about," she said as he let her come in and quickly closed the door. She saw him reset the alarm. He turned around and looked at her sheepishly. "Can I get a hug from you? I could really use one."

She smiled brightly at him for even asking. "Sure, Greg." He walked into her arms and she held him lightly, not wanting to hurt him as he still had some soreness from his wounds.

He felt comfortable in her arms, the only person he really did. He often remembered her being the first one on the scene when he was nearly beaten to death years earlier. She was so tender and caring towards him and somehow made him feel better then. She'd been his best friend for years and missed her when she went away. He was so glad when she came back and mostly stuck around. She took a week or two off at a time to see her husband, Grissom but always came back to Las Vegas.

Nick came out, hearing voices and saw Greg in Sara's arms and felt a twinge of jealousy. "Hey, Sara. Glad you could stop by."

Greg pulled out of her arms quickly after hearing his boyfriend's voice. He turned around and almost looked scared for a moment at Nick catching him in Sara's arms. He didn't say anything.

"Can we go into your living room and sit down?" Sara said behind him.

"Sure," Greg said and led her to the sofa.

"So I bet it's nice to be home," she said to him.

"Yeah, it's nice being out of that hospital and being able to be home again and be able to move freely."

"I'm sure. How are you feeling?" She asked.

"I'm feeling okay. Still sore in spots and as you can see still waiting on some wounds to heal better," he said pointing to his neck.

Nick kind of felt like the odd man out. "So Sara, are you going to hang around for a while, because if you are, I'm going to run some errands."

Sara looked at him, seeing he looked tired. "Yeah sure I can stick around until you get back."

"Thanks. Greg anything you want me to get you while I'm out?"

Greg shook his head.

"Okay, I will be back in about a half hour or so."

Sara waited until Nick was gone before asking Greg what that was about.

"We argued a little. He just doesn't understand what I went through. He wanted me to talk and I did some but now I think it was a mistake. I don't think he can handle it," Greg told her as he went to the kitchen to grab something for them to drink.

"Well it can't be easy for him knowing what you went through, knowing he was unable to help you. You didn't see how he was when you were missing. He was miserable and yet never, ever gave up hope when many of us had. We had no clue what happened to you at all. It was like you disappeared into thin air. If it was not for that anonymous call he received you would still probably be there," she told him.

He shuddered even thinking he might still be there. He handed her a bottle of water and sat down next to her. "I know he did everything he could to find me. Jasper never wanted me found. I guess I just got lucky." He looked down at the floor.

She studied his appearance closer. He still looked tired and worn out and there was that sadness there, so evident anytime you looked into his big eyes. "How are you really doing?"

He shook his head woefully. "I don't know Sara. I don't know if I am dealing with this as I should be or not. Nick said I needed to talk about things and I told him some things. I don't know that it has helped any. I think it just makes me angrier about everything."

"Well anger is a good thing. You should be angry about what happened to you."

"Perhaps, but then there is so much pain still. I just rather not think about it, period. Can we change the subject of me? I am sick of talking about me. Can we talk about you? How are you and Grissom?"

She smiled, understanding his need to not talk about what happened. "Well, we are doing well. He is actually planning on paying a visit here soon. I know he wants to see you and see how you are doing. He was very concerned about you. Did you know he was actually here for a couple weeks in helping with the search?"

He shook his head. "No, I had no idea. I guess a lot happened when I was away."

Sara frowned. She didn't like how he said away, as if he took a vacation or something. "So, uh, have you thought about coming back to work?"

He looked at her, surprised. "Work? Uh, no I have not thought about it at all. I think it is a bit soon, Sara."

"I just thought it would help you take you mind off of everything. You know, getting wrapped up in a case," she suggested.

"Yeah, I guess but still it is too soon. I mean I only got out of the hospital yesterday," he said to her.

"So if not going back to work soon, then what do you plan on doing? Just hanging out at the house here?"

He was getting a little mad. "Sara, what I do is my business. I already have Nick breathing down my throat, I don't need you too. Can't you all just let me deal with this how I want to?" He got up and walked to the patio door. He looked outside, suddenly wondering if Jasper was out there somewhere looking back at him. He felt a shiver run down his spine.

"Greg, I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I don't want you to feel pressured. I'm just very concerned for my best friend, that's all." She saw him wrap his arms around himself.

"I know. I'm sorry…I seem to be saying that a lot lately." He shrugged. He remained staring out the window.

She felt a bit guilty about bringing him down. "Hey, I almost forgot. I brought you something." She dug in her bag.

He turned around to see what she was talking about. She found what she was looking for and got up and went to him. She handed him a bundle. He looked at it strangely. "What is this?" He asked her.

She laughed a little. "I am not good at wrapping things. Just unravel it and you will see."

He unraveled the blue fabric and saw that it was a scarf. She saw his mouth open about to say something. She quickly spoke up. "You know it's getting cold out and I figured you could use a scarf and plus, well it will help hide some things you might not want everyone to see. And I've always like you in blue."

He ran the scarf through his hands. It was a nice soft fabric. He didn't know what to say. He was kind of mad that she thought he wanted to hide his neck scarring and on the other hand he was touched for the same reason, caring enough to give him something to use that was reasonable.

Seeing he was not speaking, she took it to mean he was offended by it. "Look, you can give it back to me if you really do not want it. I am sure Grissom could always use a new scarf." She said quickly.

He looked up at her and smiled. "No, I like it. I'm not offended, you mean well. I appreciate the thought." He gave her a quick hug. "Thanks Sara."

She blushed a little. "You're welcome." She took it out of his hands and wrapped it around his neck. "It does look good on you," she said proudly.

He smiled nervously. Feeling something new wrapped around his neck suddenly brought back memories of being chained to the wall. It sent him into a panic attack. He started pulling at it to take it off and threw it on the ground. He started shaking and was having heart palpitations and shortness of breath.

Sara's eyes widened at his sudden reaction. "Greg, oh Jesus, I didn't think." She took his hand and guided him to sit down. He was gasping for breath. "It's okay, just take slower breaths. Come on, Greg do this for me."

Nick came home and walked in to see Sara frantic over Greg, who was having a full blown panic attack. He dropped the bags he was carrying and rushed over to them.

"What happened?" He asked quickly as he sat on the coffee table, facing Greg. He took his hands and started rubbing the back of them with his thumbs. It seemed to work before in calming him.

Sara shook her head as tears threatened. "I'm so stupid. I bought him a scarf and I put it around his neck to try it on him without thinking. He just started hyperventilating and threw it off."

Nick saw the offending object in a pile on the carpet. "It's okay, Sara. He gets them a bit since…" He didn't need to finish. She knew what he was talking about.

"Hey G, remember, your safe here. You just got to breathe slower. Take slow breaths," Nick said to him. He nodded that he understood and managed to take control over his breathing.

Greg looked into the deep brown eyes of the man he loved and felt him rubbing circles on the back of his hands. His hands still trembled some but it was easing down as was his breathing. After another minute he was back to normal. He pulled he hands out of Nick's and rubbed his sweaty palms on his pants. "I'm okay now." He turned apologetically to Sara.

"I'm sorry I freaked out on you. Just having that around my neck suddenly made me feel like I was being strangled by that collar."

"No, don't be sorry. I was not thinking. I should have just let it be. I'm sorry Greg," she said sincerely.

"So we are both sorry. Let's just leave it at that," he forced a smile to his face.

Nick had been a little hurt when he pulled out of his grasp again. He got up and went to pick up the bags he dropped and took them into the kitchen.

Sara got up. "I think I should go now that Nick is back. I'll check in with you by phone though and let you know next time I plan on stopping by."

Greg nodded. "Okay. Again thanks for the scarf…really." She smiled at him.

"Hey, let me walk you out," Nick said to Sara. He wanted to talk to her a minute alone. He walked outside with her for a moment. "I'll be right back," he yelled back to Greg.

"So did he say anything about him opening up to me?" Nick asked her once they were outside.

Sara sighed. "Yes we did talk some. He told me he is not sure he should have told you all he did."

Nick walked away from her a moment. "I don't know what to do. I don't know if making him talk is good or if it is causing more pain for him. They always say talking helps, but I'm not so sure about that. It just makes you relive everything, I know. I don't want him to resent me for pushing him."

"Are you pushing him?"

"No, I'm trying to keep my distance. He doesn't like me touching him unless he is having a panic attack. When he did talk, it was out of the blue. I was not expecting it and then he tells me these horrific things they did to him. God, Sara, I want to kill that bastard, Jasper. I want to make him suffer and die a painful death. I never thought I would say that about someone. But even doing that would not help Greg and what he went through. He will have to live with this the rest of his life."

Sara could understand his despair and anger. She had seen how things affected Greg first hand now. She laid a hand on his shoulder. "All we can do is be there for him and support him for whatever he needs. I'm just glad you've been there. He would not have opened up to you if he didn't feel comfortable telling you. He still trusts you and depends on you, no matter what you think."

"I know you are right, sometimes I just need reassurance," he said with a smile. He gave her a hug. "Thanks for stopping by Sara. I might stop into work for a little bit tonight to catch up on a few things."

"Okay, well you take care and take care of Greg. He needs you, remember make him your priority, not your need to catch Jasper," she told him.

"Will do. Say Hi to Grissom for me." He waved goodbye to her before going back inside.

Greg knew Nick went out to talk to Sara about him. He figured he was probably telling her what a hassle he was to take care of. He knew he was an emotional mess and he knew they would never quite understand.

He grabbed his laptop and tried immersing himself in an online game while Nick was outside.

Nick came in and saw him on his laptop again. He went to the kitchen to get the things out of the bags he brought in. He didn't say a word to Greg and he hadn't said a word to him. After he finished unloading mostly everything, he took one thing he picked up. He paused a moment wondering if he should really do this now. Then he convinced himself he needed to. He had to show Greg his love for him. He carried it over with him to the living room. He sat next to Greg on the sofa, who still had not said a word. He was busy staring at his computer. Nick pushed the lid down on his laptop.

"Hey, I was in the middle of a game of Mag Jong tiles. I was almost done," he looked angrily at Nick.

"I bought you something." Nick held out a small box. Greg looked at him with wide eyes.

"What's this?" He asked nervously all of the sudden.

"It's something I've been holding out on picking up until I knew you were back home safe with me. It's something I was thinking about giving you for a long time now. Open it," Nick said to him with a nervous smile.

Greg took the box and opened it up. Inside was a silver band with some kind of Celtic knotting on it. He picked it up and looked at it more closely. Inside it was engraved. _Love you always, Nick._

"The Celtic knotting symbolizes eternal love. I want you to wear it to know that I will always love you, no matter what."

Greg stared at the ring, confused. He suddenly put it back in the box and closed it. "I can't take it." He put it back on the coffee table and then got up quickly and ran into the bathroom.

Nick sat dumbfounded at what just happened. He thought Greg would be nervous about it but didn't think it would give it back to him. He was hurt beyond words. He thought Greg loved him. Maybe it was too soon to give it to him. Maybe he should have waited but he wanted to show him how much he loved him without having to show it physically. He didn't know how to react. Should he confront him and ask him why he couldn't accept it? Or should he just leave him be and let him think? Maybe he would change his mind. Nick was really hurt though. He left the box on the table and got up and went into his bedroom. He sprawled out on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, wondering where he went wrong and what he could do about it.

Nick heard the water running in the bathroom and wondered what Greg was doing in there. Perhaps taking another shower, he just hoped he would not scald himself again because he felt dirty. Four months of being forced to have sex with men you didn't want to, he really could not blame him for showering often. He probably would have too.

A few minutes later he heard the water stop running and the door open and then another door close. He figured he went into his bedroom. He decided to get up and watch some TV in the living room. He would deal with Greg when he was ready to come out.


	11. Fears

_A/N- Hello my lovely readers. I'm so happy to hear that this story is moving a lot of you. I know a lot of it is hard to read and this chapter will have a bit more of that hard to read stuff but glad you all are seeing it through. This chapter will reveal a new way of Greg dealing with his memories. Love reading reviews!_

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Greg had not expected Nick to do anything like that for him. When he saw the ring he knew what it meant but he was not ready to deal with that after all that he had just gone through in the last few months. It was almost like another form of ownership. He belonged to Nick and the ring would show that. He didn't want to belong to anyone but himself right now. Plus he was convinced that after a while Nick would grow sick of him and his attitude and want him out of his life anyway. He needed to feel control over his own life before he dedicated himself to anyone, even Nick.

He had finished doing what he needed to in the bathroom and then had headed into his bedroom. He fell asleep and woke up an hour later abruptly from a nightmare again. He didn't scream this time around, so Nick did not know about it. His palms were sweaty and he was shaking some. He needed to know he was not alone. He got up and opened the door. He walked out and saw Nick watching TV in the living room. He almost chuckled to himself. How was he supposed to feel in control of his own life if he kept seeking security in just knowing Nick was there?

He ignored Nick once he saw him and went into the kitchen to grab something to eat. He opened the freezer and realized Nick had bought more comfort foods for him. There were frozen French bread pizzas and taquitos. He couldn't help but smile knowing Nick was probably cringing when he bought all that junk food, seeing as he was a health food freak. He pulled out a French bread pizza and then decided he should ask Nick if he wanted something.

With his back still turned to him, he spoke. "Uh, do you want pizza bread? I'm making one for myself."

Nick had known Greg came out but again he figured he would wait until he spoke up first. Being offered food was not what he expected but it was a start. "Sure, I'll have one. I also bought nachos and cheese for you."

Greg grinned again. He really should say something more meaningful to Nick. He meant well enough. He first popped the pizzas into the oven and then opened the cabinet where the Nachos and cheese were. He pulled them out and brought them out to the living room.

He saw the ring box still sitting where he left it and felt guilty again. He tried to ignore it and placed down the bag of chips and the cheese sauce on the coffee table. He sat down and opened the bag and jar. He grabbed some chips and just ate them without any cheese. He sat back and noticed Nick was watching Discovery Channel's Myth Busters. He noticed Nick did not even go for the nachos. He just stayed focused on the TV. He felt even worse now. He had to say something.

He grabbed the remote control and put the TV on mute. Before Nick could protest he spoke up. "I'm sorry I can't take the ring now. I know you just want to show your love for me but right now, after being collared and branded, I feel like it is you trying to show your possession over me." He held up his hand when Nick was about to speak up again. "I know you said no one owns me and I know you did not mean that by the ring, but right now it's how it feels to me. I just need more time. I want to make sure that in another couple of months you will still want to give me that ring but for now I think you should take it back." He took the box and held it out for Nick to take.

Nick looked hurt and angry but he took the box from him. "Just answer this for me, Greg. What makes you think that in a few months my feelings will change for you?"

Greg looked at him sadly. "You know why, Nick. I'm not the same man I was over four months ago. You may come to realize, after spending enough time with me, that you no longer love me. And even if you still do love me, you may not be able to handle living with me anymore. I just want both of us to be sure we want to keep going as a couple."

Nick's eyes swirled with emotion. "I'll never stop loving you, I swear to you."

"Then if that is the case, in a few months you can give me this ring again," he smiled bitter sweetly.

Nick nodded his head. "Fine, fine then I'll wait and give this to you at a future date, I promise."

"Okay. So are we okay for now? Because I really hate the tension between us."

"Well you're creating it, Greg," the Texan told him, feeling miffed.

"Fair enough, I'll try to stop doing that," he paused a moment before speaking again. "Um, so is this a new episode of Myth Busters?" He asked, changing the topic.

"No, it is a repeat. I think it was on like 3 months ago."

"Oh," Greg said. _So Nick was so worried about me that he was watching Myth Busters while I was being tortured and raped_, he thought.

Nick realized what he said and quickly wanted to correct himself. "The programming guide said it aired then but this is my first time seeing it."

"Got ya," the younger man said feeling a little better that Nick wasn't at home watching TV, while he was only wishing for death to come.

"Say, I need to go into work for a couple hours later on. Are you going to be okay here or do you want to come in with me?" Nick asked him.

He thought about it for a moment. "I think I'll be okay here. I mean we have an alarm system now and it's only going to be a couple hours, right?"

Nick nodded. "Yeah, I have to check on some paperwork, you know, assistant supervisor stuff."

"Yes, I know." The buzzer on the oven went off, signaling that their pizzas were done. "Dinner time," Greg announced before he got up to get their food.

A few hours later Greg was on the sofa, trying to relax but was finding it hard. Nick had just left to go to the lab and even though he thought he would be okay, his nerves were getting the best of him. Nothing on TV was interesting him and he could not get into any games. He ran his hand through his hair in frustration and suddenly remembered he wanted to cut his hair. He got up and went into the bathroom. He found a pair of scissors and hair clippers. He stood in front of the mirror and looked at his unruly hair. It had grown out to be longer and somewhat curly again.

_"I always loved your hair longer, better to yank your head back with," Jasper said as he pulled hard on his hair causing him to yelp in pain. He felt Jasper's other hand trail down his torso and down to his cock. He then started rubbing him. "You know I still make you hard, you can't deny it. You love it when I touch you."_

_ "Fuck you," he responded back, earning him another hard tug on his hair._

_ Jasper chuckled. "You would love to, I know it, but we both know that in this relationship it's you who gets fucked and often." He felt a tongue go in his ear and he tried to squirm away but was held steady by the hand clutching his hair. _

_ Jasper's other hand was working his cock and he hated how his body reacted to him. "See look at you, your practically panting for me," he laughed maliciously. He worked his cock until he was hard and practically ready to beg for him to continue to release the pressure that built up, when Jasper pulled his hand away. He pushed his head down roughly with his other hand. _

_ Greg was on his knees once again on the mattress. His hands had been cuffed behind his back so he could not struggle or touch himself. He watched as Jasper reached into his pocket and pulled out a testicle cuff. "You bastard," he said to him only to illicit laughing from the man torturing him. _

_ "No, I think you mean Master. Now hold still or this will hurt more," he grinned as he knelt down to put the cuff. Greg cringed when it was placed on him. Jasper stood up and looked down at his slave. "Damn, you are so fucking hot." He started rubbing himself and Greg could already see the bulge in his pants. He immediately lowered his head, not wanting to see his growing excitement._

_ He heard Jasper grunt and the sound of a zipper go down. He closed his eyes as a tear rolled down his cheek. Next thing he knew the hand was back in his hair and pulling his head back. "Time to pleasure your Master." He didn't bother fighting it; it was a losing battle every time. "Yes, Master," he replied bitterly. If he fought he would just end up with the O-Ring gag in his mouth. He opened his mouth but kept his eyes shut. Jasper filled his mouth with his girth. Greg felt the hand grip his hair tighter. "Look at me when you are pleasuring me, Bitch!" He opened his eyes and glared with hatred at the man whose cock he was sucking. Jasper just smiled down at him in ecstasy._

He took the scissors and started cutting away at the length frantically. The memory made him want to be rid of the longer hair even more so. He took the clippers to trim it up and make it look a little more civilized. After about 20 minutes he had his hair shorter again, more like it had been before his horror story began. The pain of the memories was still with him though. He opened up the cabinet and pulled out the razor blade he hid behind the bandages. He looked at it a moment before pulling up his sleeves. He found a new spot and dragged it across his arm. He welcomed the new pain as it drove out the other pain and memories for a while. He made a couple more cuts before washing off the blade and replacing it in its hiding spot. Then he placed clean bandages over the new cuts. He pulled his sleeves back down. He looked in the mirror at his shorter hair and felt better.

He walked into the kitchen and grabbed a pint of Chunky Monkey and then went back into the living room and sat down on the sofa. He did channel surfing until he found an old sitcom to settle on watching.

About an hour had passed when he suddenly heard something. He turned the TV on mute and listened again. He got up and closed all the drapes in the house so no one could see him. Then he went back into the living room. He thought he heard someone at the door making noise. Jasper knew where he lived. He took him before from outside their house, he could come to get him again. It sounded like scratching at the door. He suddenly backed up into the corner of the couch and pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his arms around him. He was convinced Jasper was back to take him. "Go away," he whispered in fear. "Please go away," he said softly and closed his eyes, fear taking over his senses.

Nick came home and saw a cat stretched out on their doorstep. "Shoo, Clementine, go back to your home. You're lucky you did not trigger any alarm," he said to the tabby colored cat. The cat got up and circled around his leg once before leaving. "Silly cat," Nick chuckled.

He unlocked the door and stepped in right away to turn off the alarm. He locked the door and then heard a small voice begging "Go away." He walked into the living room and saw Greg crunched up in the corner of the sofa. He noticed first that his hair was shorter and then he saw that he was trembling. His eyes were closed as he mumbled.

Nick walked up to him cautiously. "Greg, it's just me, Nick. No one else is here." Suddenly Greg yelled out, his eyes opening wide. "Don't touch me…please just leave me alone. Please don't, please," he begged as tears came to his eyes. "I can't take anymore, please, stop, please Master."

Hearing the word "master" shook Nick into realizing Greg was having a full blown flashback. "Hey, baby, it's only me, Nick. I'm not going to hurt you," he told him calmly as his eyes started to water up seeing the fear and pain in his boyfriend's eyes.

Greg curled up even tighter and lowered his head. "Please Master, let me rest this once," he begged again. Nick could see talking was not working. He needed to shake him out of this. He reached out and squeezed his arm.

Greg cried out and swung out his arm, hitting Nick in the face. Nick stumbled back, shocked by the hit. He looked over at Greg who was now holding his arm as if it were broken. His eyes were wide and looking at Nick in shock. "Nicky?" he finally said in that small, childlike voice.

Nick decided to try sitting next to him on the sofa as a new approach. "Yes, Greg, it's only me. I'm not going to hurt you." He held up his hands to show he was not going to touch him.

Greg lifted his hands to cover his mouth. "Oh God! What am I doing?" His hands went back through his short hair. "I'm sorry Nicky," he said in the small voice.

Nick's heart was breaking seeing him so torn up inside. "It's okay, Baby. Can you tell me what happened? You cut your hair?"

Greg ran his hand through his hair again. It felt like he did that days ago. "Yeah, I was tired of it being longer, so I cut it myself. But I thought, I thought someone was here. I thought Jasper was here. I heard noise at the door."

Nick sighed, the cat. "Mrs. Schroder's cat, Clementine was on our doorstep when I came home. She's been known to come scratching at our door. You probably heard her."

Greg buried his head in his hands. "Oh God, I am so messed up. A freaking cat can't even scratch at our door without me flipping out."

Nick wanted so badly to take Greg in his arms and hold him, but after hearing him so fearful of being touched, he dared not. Instead he tried doing the only thing Greg seemed to allow him to do. He pulled his hands away from his face and held them. His hands were freezing. Greg just gazed at him with tear-filled eyes. He started rubbing his hands in his. "Say, I stopped on the way home and picked up a DVD I thought you might like. Why don't we watch it together and take your mind off everything?"

Greg nodded. "What movie?"

"Toy Story 3," he said with a smirk.

He made him laugh a little. "Are you serious? Toy Story 3?"

"Hey, I know you love those movies and well, it came out when you were gone and it just came out on DVD. I never got to see it either. So I thought, why not. You need something silly anyway," Nick told him.

"Yes, I guess I do. Okay, let me use the bathroom and I will be right back to watch it." Nick let go of his hands so he could get up. He watched him as he went down the hall into the bathroom. He breathed a sigh of relief that he managed to break him out of the state of terror he was in. He still thought Greg needed professional help. He was going to have to try talking him into it again.

He got up and put the DVD in and waited for Greg to come back. He came back out several minutes later with a sheepish look on his face. He came over and flopped down on the sofa. "Sorry I freaked on you again."

"Don't worry about it. I'm kind of getting used to it now."

Greg frowned, unconsciously running his hand over his arms. "Hmmm, well I'm working on it not happening too much more often. I can't very well go out in public if I am going to freak out every time."

"No, I guess not. So anyway, let's start this movie."

"Sure, Buzz, to infinity and beyond!" Greg giggled.

"Funny guy." Nick was glad to hear him goof around a little though, it proved to him it would take a while but slowly he would be picking up the pieces back to feeling normal.


	12. Chris

A few days had gone by and Greg seemed to be suffering less from panic attacks and nightmares as they went by. Greg's parents had invited them to come out to California for Thanksgiving. It was still over a week away and Greg told them they had to think about it. He was not sure he wanted to travel yet, but truthfully he not sure he could deal with his parents asking him a ton of questions and how he was dealing with everything.

He hadn't told Nick hardly anything else about the time he was held captive since the time Nick had left him alone. Since then Nick had was always with him. Greg either went with him to the store or Sara or Catherine had stopped by to visit while Nick ran errands.

Nick did have to go back to work though and he offered for Greg to join him at the lab but he was not yet ready to face everyone there. "I promise not to freak out this time when I am home alone. I think I got myself together now that I won't let a cat scratching the door bother me," he said to Nick.

"Okay, but if you need me for anything, you know you can call me anytime. I will come home as soon as I can," Nick reminded him.

"Yes, I know but I swear I'll be fine. I got this book to read and I can always pop in a movie if I want. Most likely I'll sleep some too." Greg told him.

Greg still was keeping his distance from Nick physically, so when Nick left he just waved goodbye to him. Nick hoped that his boyfriend wouldn't freak out this time around, but he had told him he had not been getting the panic attacks. Greg still had the nightmares but he didn't tell Nick about having them. He didn't want to trouble him anymore with them. He let Nick believe that they had lessened greatly.

Greg made sure the door was completely locked and the security system set. Then he went around the house and closed any blinds and drapes that were still open. He turned on a light in almost every room and then finally settled down on the sofa. He had lied to Nick. He was scared to be alone again but he knew he had to get over his fear if he was ever to move on.

He turned on some music and settled down with his book. After a while he actually enjoyed being alone and able to listen to music and just relax. The music helped block out any weird noises he might hear that would make him freak out.

He had actually dozed off on the sofa when the phone ringing startled him awake. He quickly reached for it and saw it was Nick calling. He looked at the time and saw that a few hours had passed already. "Hey Nicky, checking up on me? I was snoozing and you woke me."

"Sorry Greg. Listen I am actually calling you for a reason. Uh, you need to come on down here. We found a body tonight not far from the Palms. The ID on him says he is Christopher Matthews. He looks like the guy Chris, you described. We need you to come down and let us know if it is the same guy," Nick said to him. He hated doing this to him but they had to find out if it was the same guy.

Greg was shocked and a little scared. "Uh, you really think it's him? He's dead?"

"He was shot three times in the chest. Are you okay to drive here? Or do you want me to swing by and pick you up?" Nick asked him, knowing he still had his fears about leaving their home all alone.

Greg subconsciously rubbed at his neck nervously. "I guess I can get myself down there okay. I didn't forget how to drive."

"Okay well let me know just before you get here. I will meet you in the parking garage."

"Okay, will do. See you soon." Greg hung up the phone and looked around nervously. It was the middle of the night and he had to leave the house alone. Maybe he should have had Nick pick him up. No, he thought, he had to get some guts and go out on his own. Jasper was not going to be waiting for him. He wouldn't be that stupid. He got up and went to the bathroom and splashed some water on his face. His bruises were gone completely now. Around the house he wore long sleeved shirts that exposed his neck. Now he decided to change and put on a turtle neck. He had gone out with Nick a few days ago and they bought some for him just in case he wanted to wear them. Now called for a time to wear one.

He went to his closet and pulled out a dark blue one and then grabbed a jacket. He also grabbed the pocket knife that Nick gave him years ago but he never carried it with him prior. He decided he wanted to have something on him for protection, just in case.

He went around and turned off some of the lights. He went to the main home computer and looked at the security feed from outside. He did not see anyone around. He went to the main door and looked out the peephole to make sure no one was there. Their garage was full of storage so their cars always were parked outside. He got the alarm ready and then opened the door and went out quickly, locking the door behind him. He practically ran to his car and got in. He almost had a panic attack right in his car but he managed to keep his breathing steady. He started up his car and sighed. There was no one there to grab him; he was going to be okay.

He pulled into the parking garage a few minutes later and saw Nick waiting for him. He had called prior just like he asked him to. Nick walked up to the car and smiled at him, happy to see he made it in one piece. Greg got out and tugged nervously at his jacket. He had not been back to the lab yet and it made him nervous to run into everyone, which he was bound to do.

"I know this is not easy for you, G, but I appreciate you coming down, so does Brass. So come on and follow me. I'll try to get you in without everyone hounding you, because I know you were not ready yet to come back," Nick told him.

Greg smiled appreciatively at him. He followed closely behind Nick as they entered the building. They headed straight for the morgue. Amazingly enough they did not run into anyone on the way there. "Everyone else is pretty much out on a case right now or busy with their work. I got this case. The body was called in by a garbage man. His body was right by a dumpster," Nick explained to him.

Greg just nodded. He tried not letting his nerves get the best of him.

Nick entered the morgue first. "Hey Doc. Greg is here with me to identify that guy."

Doc Robbins looked up from his work. "Hello Greg. Nice to see you again. Nick tells me you are doing pretty well."

Greg gave him a weak smile. "Yeah, I am doing okay." He didn't feel like much conversation. Doc Robbins noticed this and moved over to another body, covered up on a table.

"Come here, this is our guy." Nick walked over with Greg to the table. Doc Robbins pulled back the sheet covering the body to reveal the man's face. They both looked at Greg for his reaction. They noticed him tense up and pale.

"Yeah, yeah that's him," he said quietly. He felt a little sick, seeing the face of one of the men who violated him over and over, lying dead on the table. "How did he die again?" he asked with a noticeable quiver in his voice.

"Three bullets to the chest, one to the heart," he told him.

"I see," was his only response. He didn't know what else to say. He was feeling like he might throw up. "Pardon me; I need to run to the bathroom." And with that he took off through the door and ran to the restroom.

Doc looked at Nick, shaking his head sadly. "He's not doing as well as he seems, is he."

Nick pursed his lips together. "No, I don't think so. I'm going to give him a moment before I check on him. What else can you tell me about this guy? Any sign of a struggle?"

Doc shook his head. "No, but I can tell you it was a close range shot due to the damage. I gave Bobby Dawson the bullets I abstracted from the body."

"Thanks, I'll check with him next."

Greg was in the end stall and had lost his dinner. He flushed the toilet and pulled the cover down and sat down on it. His hands were trembling. He remembered the last time he saw Chris alive.

_He was lying on the filthy mattress, unable to move. His whole body hurt, he couldn't take the abuse anymore. Then he heard the door open and someone coming down the stairs. He curled up tighter and started mumbling over and over again, "please leave me alone, please I beg you, don't hurt me anymore. I can't take it." Tears were flowing from his eyes as he begged in a weak, raspy voice. His eyes were squeezed shut. He could tell someone was near him, but they had not spoken yet. _

_ "I won't touch you. I'm sorry I've taken part in this. I didn't realize it would get as bad as it has but you have to understand, in our society, we follow the leads and Jasper is a lead. His time in prison gave him respect in our world. Plus he is intimidating, you know that."_

_ Greg recognized the voice as Chris', the last to join the trio of torturers and rapists. "Help me then. Help me get out of here," he begged the man. _

_ "I can't. He'll know," he whispered to him._

_ "Then tell my friends, tell them where to find me. Please, otherwise kill me. I can't take anymore," he wept quietly._

_ "I…," Chris began but then he heard noise above. Someone else was coming, most likely Jasper. He immediately stood up over Greg. He waited until he heard the door open and then started yelling profanities at Greg. Once he heard Jasper coming down the stairs, he began to kick Greg in the side. _

_ Greg cried out in pain. The pain was never ending and he could barely breathe anymore because of the pain. _

_ "Ah, I see you came over early to have some fun. I guess you had a frustrating day, always fun to take it out on our boy here," Jasper chuckled. He leaned down closer to Greg to whisper in his ear. "Although personally I've had a few frustrating years in prison I still need to get out of my system. Looks like you're here for a while yet, if you survive much longer." He stood up and looked down at the pathetic figure, curled up on the dirty mattress. _

_ "You are starting to get a bit messy looking. Perhaps after some fun tonight I'll let you have some recovery time to heal a bit and then I can start the fun again," Jasper said to him. "But first, since Chris was down here, he gets first dibs on you tonight. Front or back, Chris?"_

_ Greg cracked open his eyes to see Chris start unzipping his pants. "I feel like back tonight." He closed his eyes again, knowing this would never end._

He pressed his hands to his head, wishing the memories would end. But he knew they never would, however he knew what could make him forget for a while. He wasn't at home though. Then he remembered he brought the pocket knife with him. It was in his back pocket. He took it out and opened it up. He pushed up his sleeves and looked at his arms. They were already pretty messed up plus since he was not at home he could not hide it as well. He then stood up and pulled down his pants and sat back on the seat. He looked at his legs, some cuts were already there. He gritted his teeth and then ran the blade along his left thigh. He welcomed the pain it brought as it drowned out all other thoughts and pains. He made another slight cut, enough to generate more pain.

He suddenly heard the door open and quickly wiped off the blade with toilet paper and shoved it in his back pocket.

"Greg? Are you going to be okay? You've been in here a while?" He heard Nick say.

"Yeah, give me just a couple more minutes for my stomach to settle down and I will be out, okay?" he told him. He started taking toilet paper and trying to stop the bleeding on his leg. He wore jeans and knew they would rub against the cuts some.

"Okay, I'll wait for you outside the door here," Nick told him.

"Fine," he yelled back.

Once he heard the door close, he started taking a bunch of toilet paper and wrapping it around his leg like a bandage. He managed to cover it pretty well. He then stood up and slowly pulled up his pants, feeling some more pain as the pants rubbed against the old and new marks. This pain he could live with though. It was pain he controlled. He looked to make sure he didn't spill any blood on his jeans, Nick couldn't find out. He came out and looked in the mirror. He was pale but otherwise no trace of what he just did. He washed his hands off and proceeded to exit the restroom.

"I'm feeling better now. Can I go back home? You don't need me anymore here, do you?" He asked Nick as he came up to him outside the door.

"Yeah, we can go home. I'll follow you, just in case you start feeling ill or something. I'm done here tonight."

"Oh," he responded, somewhat disheartened. He would rather be home alone instead of Nick watching over him like a hawk, which he knew would happen.

When they got home, Greg headed to the bathroom. He took time to remove the toilet paper bandage he had on his leg and threw it in the toilet. Then he looked at his leg and it looked like he would be fine without putting a bandage back on it. He flushed the evidence and then was done. Nick had gone to shower and change into clothes for bed. Greg decided to change into his PJ's. He pulled on the long loose, drawstring pants and his long sleeved shirt he wore to bed lately. He went back out to see if Nick was in the living room. He knew he was going to want to talk about Chris.

Nick had just come out and was in the kitchen grabbing a bottle of cranberry juice. "You want some?" He asked Greg when he saw him.

"Sure." Greg sat down on the sofa and waited for Nick to come with the bottle of juice.

Nick handed it to him and then sat down next to him. "So, you want to tell me what's on your mind? I know seeing that guy had to be hard for you."

Greg frowned and pulled his knees to up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He rested his chin on his knees. "I never thought I would see him dead. It was just weird. I hoped he would get caught, like the others, naturally. Now I guess I don't need to worry about him at least. I am betting Jasper killed him, though."

"Why do you think that?" Nick asked him.

"He came to me alone once and told me he was sorry he ever got involved. I begged him to set me free but he said Jasper was dangerous and he would find out. I then told him to tell someone where I was."

Nick nodded in acknowledgment. "He was the one who called me and told me where to find you, probably."

"Yes and Jasper probably figured it out and found him and killed him."

"Was Chris as bad as Jasper and Rex?" Nick tried asking, not sure Greg would answer.

"Hmm, basically yes because usually Jasper was there too when he was. He did look uncomfortable a few times doing what he was doing but overall he still took part," he shrugged.

"Well at least only one is still out there."

"Yeah so I hope," he said but thought momentarily of who it was who came with a black leather mask a couple of times. He always figured it was Chris, because he had been embarrassed to be taking part in what he was doing. "But Jasper is still out there and he's the one that scares me the most. If he did kill him, it means he is still in town. It means he is worse than I even thought. He is willing to kill to get his way. What if he is waiting for a time to come at me again?" Greg said to him, his eyes full of worry.

"He would be stupid, seeing as we have security and everything now. Plus you are not alone that often."

Greg suddenly got up and walked around the room. "Yeah but when he sets his mind to something he does not give up."

Nick frowned as he watched his boyfriend pace. He noticed a stain on Greg's pants that looked sort of familiar. "Greg, is that blood on your pants?"

Greg suddenly looked down in horror. He had not even realized one of his cuts had started bleeding. He cursed himself for not putting a bandage on it now. "Uh, no, I think I maybe spilt juice," he replied lamely.

"I would have seen you spill juice. I thought all your wounds were healed up now," Nick said to him. He noticed Greg seemed very worried.

"Um, well I guess not. I better get it bandaged," he said as he started heading to the bathroom.

Nick suddenly started wondering. He knew Greg had been spending a lot of time in the bathroom recently. Also he had not seen him without long sleeves or long pants since the first day he came home from the hospital. "Come here. Let me see your leg and how bad it is."

"I'll be fine, Nick. I'll be right back," he said as he kept walking.

Nick jumped up and went after him, stopping him from shutting the door to the bathroom at the last moment. "Let me see your leg, Greg," he said more forcefully. He saw fear in his eyes.

"Really, Nick, it's nothing serious. I can take care of myself," he said nervously.

"So you say but I still want to see your leg."

Greg chuckled nervously. "Seriously Nick, come on, and let it go."

Nick now knew something was wrong. He didn't want to do what he was going to do next, but he had to find out the truth. He grabbed Greg's left arm quickly, earning a yelp and a wide eyed fearful look from Greg. He pulled up his sleeve and was horrified. His eyes flew up to look into Greg's, whose were on the verge of tears and his mouth agape. "My God, Greg. What have you been doing to yourself? Is your leg as bad as your arm here?"

Greg yanked his arm back and pushed his sleeve down. "It's not as bad as it looks," he said feebly.

Nick shook his head in disbelief. "We need to talk. Now!"

Greg hung his head; his secret to keeping his mind off what happened to him had been discovered. He sighed heavily. "Okay."

* * *

_A/N-Thanks again everyone for your gracious reviews. :)_ TBC...


	13. Cuts

_A/N-Decided to treat you all to another chapter already so you can see how things turn out with Nick finding out about Greg and what he's been doing to himself. Again, I really do love you all for giving my story such great reviews!_

* * *

Nick made Greg take off his pants. After much protest, he finally did. Nick gasped seeing the cuts on his legs too. "Jesus, Greg. How can you do this to yourself?"

Greg shrugged. "My body is already a mess of scars. No one would really know any difference," he said as he sat on the edge of the bathtub while Nick got out ointment and band aids to place on the cut on his leg that was bleeding.

"That's not what I mean. Why are you doing this?" He asked him as he studied the damage he had done to himself. He also suddenly realized that Greg was letting him touch him, although he did not give him much choice. It was the first time since he first came home he really seen some of his other marks and burns. They didn't look as bad anymore as much as the new cuts did.

Greg looked down at Nick tenderly applying the medication to the cut. "You don't have to do that. I'll be fine." Nick just glanced up at him momentarily with a look that told him to shut up and let him do what he was doing. Greg did not say anymore.

Nick finished putting on the band aid and then sat back on his knees and looked at the tortured soul that was his boyfriend. "Okay, if you aren't going to talk to me, you are going to talk to someone. I'm taking you to see that doctor who was assisting you at the hospital. She gave me her card. I'll call her first thing in the morning and set up an appointment."

Greg looked down at the tile floor. He couldn't look at Nick anymore, he felt too ashamed. "It helps me forget the painful memories I can't control. These cuts and the pain it brings, I can control it and it helps me forget the other pain. It gives me something new to focus on," he told him meekly.

Nick looked at his arms again. On his left one alone he saw at least 15 some cuts marks, some deeper than others. He suddenly worried if he ever thought of taking a final cut to his wrists and ending his life.

Greg lifted his eyes some and saw the older man staring at his arms and hands. He got the idea of what he was thinking. "I've never thought about killing myself, if you are wondering. I couldn't do that to you. I know you tried so hard to find me. Everyone tells me that you were the only one who didn't give up on finding me. All the shit I've been putting you through since you found me and yet here you are, tending to my wounds," he said with a sad smile.

Nick raised his hand suddenly in an attempt to touch his lover's face but he flinched away. His felt sadness tear at his heart. "I would never hit you, Baby. You got to know that."

Greg sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. I do know…it's just…" he didn't know how to explain himself.

"You know what, you don't have to explain. Four months…it had to have brainwashed you a little. I flinched from bugs for a few years after being buried alive."

"Hmm, brainwashed, I guess that's one way to put it." He looked back up at Nick. "Can I put my pants back on and can we leave the bathroom?"

Nick mouth quirked. "Yeah, sure. But first, tell me where you have the blades."

Greg chewed on his lower lip before speaking. "In the cabinet, behind the bandages and well, the pocket knife you gave me I used tonight. I guess I cut a bit deeper than normal tonight."

"Where is the pocket knife?" Nick asked him.

"It's in the bedroom, in my pants pocket still," he told him.

"Okay, I'm going to take them. You can do what you need to do and I'll meet you in the living room," Nick said to him as he got up from his kneeling position.

Greg nodded somberly and grabbed his pants and put them back on. He saw Nick take the blade from behind the bandages and start checking elsewhere. He didn't trust him, Greg knew. He could not blame him. He left him alone in the bathroom and went out into the living room and sat down on the sofa. He leaned back his head against the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. He thought about the events of the evening. He thought about seeing Chris' face again, this time the deathly gray. Jasper had to have killed him and he was still out there. It scared the crap out of him.

He reached around his backside and slid his hand under the waistband of his pants and felt where Jasper had marked him as his. He would never escape his possession and his fear of him as long as he was still out there running around free.

Nick had come out quietly and saw him feeling where he now knew he was marked. He could see the anguish on his face. He knew he had four months of suffering to carry around with him and it was not something he was easily going to forget. He thought about what he said about him cutting himself, having control over his pain. He guessed he could understand it to some point, but still it bothered him greatly that he had done so much damage to himself.

"Greg," he called his name. Greg quickly pulled his hand off the offending mark and looked at Nick, with wide eyes. "Yeah?"

Nick sat down in the chair next to the sofa. "You really think he's going to come after you again, don't you?"

He nodded slowly in response. "You don't know him like I do, Nick. You …you just don't know," he said, his voice quivering some.

Nick sighed. He could see he was really scared. "Do you think he will kill you?"

He shook his head. "No, I told you, he thinks he owns me. I am his possession. He was my…my Master and I know you hearing me say that just disgusts you, but it is true. He had me call him it over and over again. He just loves his control over me. His time in prison made him worse. He said men there made him his bitch and he said it was because I sent him there. He said he would never be anyone's 'bitch' again. And because it was my fault he was going to make me pay for the rest of my life, he told me. I believe he planned on keeping me there until I died from whatever killed me."

"Yeah but when we found you, you were nearly dead," Nick said to him.

"Yes, but they had been there earlier and well yes, messed with me badly enough to leave me to lose consciousness again. But that had happened before. When I got in that bad of shape, they would not bother me at all for a few days. He would come down with some food at one point and water and then just leave. I would be starting to feel a little bit better and then he or they would be back and then the cycle began again. So you see he kept me alive when he could have killed me if he really wanted to. I am a toy for him. He took pleasure in torturing and raping me. It's all about control." Greg told him. He bowed his head and rubbed his eyes. He hated talking about Jasper. He just didn't think he could get Nick to understand his fears.

The Texan frowned. "Well, we're doing the best we can to find him. We got security at the house here. I'm not going to let anything bad happen to you again."

Greg lifted his head and looked at him somberly. "You're not superman, Nick. I know sometimes you like to think you are but you can't solve everyone's problems."

Nick suddenly stood up and looked down on him in frustration. "Don't you think I know that? I couldn't prevent you from getting kidnapped and tortured. And now, I find out you've been hurting yourself and I couldn't stop that either. I'm trying to do the best I can by you and I feel like I am failing miserably," he told him, ending in a solemn tone. He shook his head and walked away, going to his bedroom and shutting the door.

Greg sat there feeling a bit stunned by his reaction. He knew he would've been better off living with Sara or someone else after he got out of the hospital. He knew he was only going to cause pain for Nick. He didn't want to hurt him. He sighed and got up.

He walked up to the door to the bedroom they use to share before all hell broke loose. He put his hand on the handle and turned it to open the door. He saw Nick lying face down on the bed. He walked over and sat down on the edge of the bed. Nick didn't move. He chewed on his lower lip, trying to think out what he was going to say.

"You aren't failing me, Nick. You've been wonderful to me. Probably better than I deserve. I kept a lot of things about my past from you and perhaps if I had not, none of this would have happened. But that's beside the point. I love you and I just wish I wasn't feeling so miserable about myself that I could show you how I feel but I'm not there yet. I still need to clear my head a bit more. I need some of these memories to stop haunting me on a daily basis before I am ready."

Nick had turned his head during his speech and was watching him talk. Greg was not even looking at him when he was talking but he was talking with his hands, like he did so often. When he was talking about the memories in his head, Greg had been moving his hands around his head, showing his own frustration. He moved and rolled onto his side to face him.

"Greg, I don't need you to show me you love me, I know you do. I know you will come to me when you are ready again. I'm just concerned that you talking to me is not enough. You need to talk to that doctor, Dr. Warren. Maybe she can help you clear your head more. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who does not have an emotional connection to you." He heard Greg snort. "What?"

"It's just funny you talking about seeing a shrink when you seem to hate seeing them yourself when anyone suggested you see one in the past," he reminded him.

"Okay, I'll give you that one, but you're situation is different."

"How about I make you a deal? You come with me," he smirked.

"What? You mean you want me to go with you to talk to her?" Nick asked, astonished at the request.

"Yeah, that is what I mean. Maybe you can understand what's tormenting me if you do."

Nick thought for a moment. He already hated hearing about events that happened to Greg and was not sure he wanted to hear more. But Greg was right, it would help him deal with him better. "Okay, I'll give it a shot, for you, even though you know I hate shrinks. I'll do it for you." He earned a genuine smile from his partner.

"Good. So with that settled, can I go get some sleep now? I am really tired. It's been a long day."

"Sure. We'll talk again when we wake up. I love you, Greggo."

"I love you too. Goodnight, Nick." Greg smiled and left the bedroom that Nick hoped someday soon they would share again.

Screaming woke him up again. He jumped out of bed and ran to his bedroom. He was thrashing about in bed, screaming, "No!"

"Greg, baby, wake up," he yelled as he came in the room. He reached out and touched his shoulder and that woke him. His eyes flew open, full of terror. "Greg, it's okay. It's me," Nick said quickly, trying to calm his fears. He could see he was breathing fast. He hoped he didn't start hyperventilating again.

Greg saw that it was Nick and not Jasper and calmed down some. He sat up in bed and brought his knees up to his chest and lowered his head to them. "I'm sorry I woke you up again."

Nick could hear the suffering in his voice and it tore him up. "You want to talk about it?"

He didn't lift his head, but he did talk. "It was him again, but different this time. He told me I was the reason he killed Chris. He told me I was responsible for his death because I didn't go back to him. He said if I had just been a good little slave he wouldn't have had to kill him," he told him, giving him the short version.

"That's your mind playing with you, your guilty conscious. You can't let his death get to you. He was just as responsible for getting himself killed for doing what he did to you. Chris took part in something that, as far as I am concerned, should have earned him a death sentence anyway. You are NOT responsible for any of Jasper's actions," Nick told him clearly.

Greg lifted his head up, finally and looked at Nick. He reached out his right hand. Nick reached out his hand and took Greg's in his. "If I have not told you before, thank you for being so patient with me."

"Anytime, G. Do you want to try to get some more sleep or stay up? I think we got about 6 hours sleep," he said to him.

"Stay up and maybe you can make that appointment with that shrink," he smiled sheepishly.

"Okay. I'll make some breakfast for us too," Nick smiled back at him.

"I'm going to take a shower and I'll be out." He saw Nick give him a leery look. He knew what it was for. "I won't cut myself. Besides you took everything."

"Okay, don't be too long though."

"I won't." Greg waited until Nick was gone and then grabbed a change of clothes and went into the bathroom. He wasn't able to cut himself but he could still take a scalding hot shower to cause some pain and he did just that. He kept track of how long he was in there though, so Nick would not get worried and come in. The heat helped him wash off the feel of Jasper that always came to him after a nightmare.

He came out about 15 minutes later and went to the kitchen table. The smell of bacon and pancakes made his stomach growl. Nick came over with a plate of food and placed it in front of him and then sat down with his own plate of food. He looked at Greg and noticed he seemed very flush. He didn't want to but he had to. "Let me see your arms."

Greg looked up, a look of hurt in his eyes. "What? I didn't do anything."

"Then you will have no problem showing me your arms," Nick stated.

Greg pouted and pulled up his one sleeve and then the other one. Nick could see his arms looked sort of red but no new cuts. "There! Do you want to see my legs too?" Greg retorted.

"No, but you did take a hot shower, didn't you?" Nick asked him.

"I always take hot showers," he replied shortly.

"You know what I mean. Like that first time you came home, you were taking a scalding hot shower."

Greg pushed his sleeves back down and then glared at Nick. "You're an ass sometimes, Nick."

Nick smirked at that. "Yeah, but you only say that when I am right." He lightened up a little. "I'm just worried and I hate seeing you hurt yourself after what you've been through already."

Greg was tired of arguing. "Can't we just eat in peace?"

The Texan could see he won. "Fine, we can eat in peace. But just to let you know, Dr. Warren has a slot open today at 4pm, so I signed us up."

"Okay," he said defeated. He was tired and sore and couldn't deal with arguing anymore.

Nick felt a bit guilty as he watched Greg eating slowly, mostly picking at his food. He would forget what he was dealing with in Greg lately. He forgot he was dealing with a very sensitive soul.

"You know, we have not decided on Thanksgiving yet and it is only a few days away," he asked, deciding to go to a new subject.

Greg kept looking down at his food. "I rather not deal with any family members right now; all their questions and worry. Can we just have a quiet one here at home?" he asked, finally picking up his head and giving his best puppy dog eyes.

Nick smiled. "Okay, but we are going to owe them for Christmas."

"I think by then I will be able to deal."

"What about work? Have you thought about when you want to go back?"

Greg went back to picking at his food. He had thought about it some but felt the same way about co-workers as he did with family. "I'll see maybe another week or two."

Nick thought him going back to work would be good to take his mind off his other problems but he was not going to push him. He already did enough with other things. "Okay, whenever you are ready let me know and I will let Catherine know."

They went back to finishing their meal in quiet.


	14. Therapy

Greg's knee kept bouncing up and down. Nick finally put his hand on it to stop it. "Greg, stop it. It'll be okay." Greg looked at him and shook his head.

"No, it's not okay. I'm in a shrink's office where I have to talk about humiliating things that happened to me to someone who doesn't even know me. I now realize why you hate going. I mean talking to someone after Warrick died was one thing but this is completely different," he said to him.

The dark haired man sighed. "I know it sucks but I really think it'll help. You have to at least try."

"Well, I'm here, aren't I?" He moaned.

The door opened and a petite woman, with long, dark hair came in. She wore a pale blue pant suit. "Good afternoon, gentleman. I'm glad you could both make it." She shook both of their hands and took a seat in a chair. They both were sitting on a sofa in the office.

After getting reacquainted a little she got to the reason they were there. "So Greg, Nick tells me you have been having nightmares and panic attacks still. He also tells me that he discovered you have been harming yourself. Would you like to begin with that and why you are doing it?"

Greg scowled; he really didn't want to talk to a stranger still about what was going on in his life. She could see his hesitation. "You know, I've had many patients who were victims of sexual assaults and been terrorized. You're not the first patient who's been leery of speaking to a psychiatrist."

Nick nudged Greg and whispered to him. "You said you would be willing to do this. Don't chicken out now."

Greg sighed heavily. "Yes, I've been cutting myself. It helps me drown out all the other pain from what happened to me."

"I understand. May I see your arms for a moment?" Greg wondered why she wanted to see them when he already admitted to doing it. He frowned but he rolled up his sleeves and held out his arms to her.

She saw that he had been doing it for a while. "When did you start doing this? Some look to be partially healed already."

He pushed his sleeves back down. "I guess the day after I came home from the hospital. I was frustrated with having the flashbacks and while I was shaving I just took out a blade and dragged it across my arm. The pain was not too bad, I'd felt worse but something about it made me forget everything else and I realized I could control the pain by how deep or long I made the cut. It was something I could finally feel like I controlled again. For over four months I had no control over anything in my life. The control was all at the hands of others. It was the first sort of relief I felt."

She thought a moment before asking another question. "Doesn't Nick let you do things at home? Don't you have control over things in your life now?"

He looked at Nick a moment, who just shrugged then, looked back at the doctor. "Well yeah. I mean I can do what I want pretty much now."

"Then why don't you feel in control still? Or is it more about feeling new pains that were not caused by others? Pains that are able to make you forget momentarily about your painful memories?"

He sighed and looked down. "Yes, it is pain that I've created to make me forget my other pains and help take my focus off my memories. Nothing else has worked but this. Talking about what happened only makes my nightmares worse."

Nick looked at him surprised. "I thought you were not getting them as much."

Greg turned to him. "I've still been having them, just not waking up screaming like I was. I haven't been waking you up from them. I just deal with them on my own."

Dr. Warren spoke up. "You've been having panic attacks still too?"

"Yes, sometimes when I am in the shower or when I wake up. I'm usually able to calm myself from them after a few minutes," he told her. He could see out of the corner of his eyes Nick frowning.

Dr. Warren noticed it too. "Nick, you care to say something to Greg?"

He took a deep breath before speaking. "Yeah, I can't figure out why you feel you need to hide how you are feeling from me. I told you I would do anything for you."

The dark blonde looked at him. "Nick, as I told you before you can't solve all my problems. I know you want to but it is simply not possible. Plus I've seen how it bothers you when I tell you things they did to me."

"Nick, does it bother you when he tells you things?" Dr. Warren asked him.

Nick closed his eyes and shook his head. "He's right about me wanting to make things better for him and knowing I can't do anything does bother me." He opened his eyes again and looked at Greg. "It's me feeling guilty I did not find you soon enough to prevent some of the things that happened to you. I feel responsible, like I did not try hard enough."

His partner's big brown eyes softened. "Look, Jasper didn't want me to be found. If Chris had not called…" He couldn't think about even still being there. "You did the best you could and you did find me." His eyes were watering up some. "You found me and you have helped me a lot to getting to where I am at now. I'm not sure I would be at all sane if you were not here for me when I really needed you. Knowing you are still here, I mean here right now with me, it means everything to me. You are not responsible for what they did to me but you are responsible for keeping my head above the water. I may not be telling you about every nightmare or panic attack I have because I want to be able to control things on my own, without you always taking time out of your day to babysit me. I'm trying to get to a point where I am not scared to leave our house alone or even be left alone for a long period of time and to do that I need to try to deal with my issues on my own."

Dr. Warren smiled a little. "You know, I think if you are able to stop the self-mutilation, I think you sound like you are doing the best you can. Your ordeal was long and drawn out. It's going to be quite some time for the nightmares to decrease. Plus since one of your assailants is still out there, you're going to have that fear. Hopefully he will be found and then you can truly move on. But if he is not, you do have a wonderful support system in Nick and other friends I've met of yours. Making this move to come to talk to me, together is very encouraging and healthy."

"Thanks, I guess," Greg said sheepishly.

She chuckled. "One thing I will do for you is prescribe some medication to help with your anxiety and those panic attacks. Also I suggest you keep a regular visit with me, say once a week. You can increase it if you want to but overall I think you are doing well considering, except for cutting yourself. Nick, I want you to keep an eye on him and Greg you let him."

The two men looked at each other and nodded in agreement. Nick then turned to the doctor. "Can I speak with you alone a moment?" Dr. Warren nodded and looked at Greg. "Are you okay with him talking to me alone?"

Greg shrugged. "Sure. I'll step out in the lobby and wait for you there," he said to Nick.

Nick waited until he was gone before speaking. "I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you seeing us on short notice. I wanted to ask you if you really think it is better for him to talk to me rather than you."

She smiled. "He trusted you to tell you things in the first place. You just have to be careful of your reactions and not to offend him or make him think less of himself. From what you told me on the phone he is still dealing with feeling humiliated and somewhat dehumanized since he was chained up like a dog. Just make sure you let him make his own decisions and let him know he does have control over his life again. That seems to be something that is really bothering him. The self-mutilation is proof of that. Just keep an eye on him. The Xanax I will write out for him should help some with his anxiety attacks. Call me if you get worried about him again but overall I think you are helping him, even though you don't think you are. Just being there for him and listening to him are good enough. Take care and see you in a week."

"Thanks Dr. Warren. It means a lot hearing that come from you. See you."

He went back into the lobby and saw Greg sitting down, reading a magazine. "You ready to go?" Nick asked him.

"Yeah, the nurse said they will call in my prescription to our pharmacy so we can pick it up on the way home. Do you think we can grab something to eat on the way home? I am starving," Greg said with a smirk.

"Sure, whatever you want, G."

They had not said much about the session with Dr. Warren until they got home. Greg was sitting on the recliner chair while Nick sat stretched out on the sofa. Greg was watching Nick as he watched TV. He had been wondering what Nick said to Dr. Warren in private. He wondered if he told the doctor that he was having a hard time dealing with him. He still was amazed at Nick's patience with him. He was still waiting for the bottom to drop out on him, that being the day when Nick told him he couldn't be with him anymore; that he didn't love him. He lowered his head and stared down at his arms.

Nick had felt his love's eyes on him and glanced over and noticed he had just lowered his head. He seemed to be staring at the cuts he made to his arms. It still pained Nick to know that Greg felt better about injuring himself than telling him about the painful memories that haunted him.

"Greg, I can see something is on your mind. Do you want to talk about it?" He finally asked him.

Greg lifted his head and looked at him. "Do you really think you will still love me if I can't be with you after so long?"

Nick saw that sadness in his eyes that he wanted to make disappear. He had no idea why he was feeling like this right now. He thought this afternoon had gone well. "I'll wait for you forever, if I have to, Greg. You are the only one for me. I've only been with a few men in my life and some women before I knew what I really wanted, but no one ever made me feel the way I do with you. My life is nothing without you. I realized that in those four months you were missing. I love you, Greg and remember I have that ring waiting for you when you are ready," he said with a smile.

Greg sucked in his lower lip and chewed on it a moment. Nick waited for him to say something. "Do you still love me? Perhaps that is the question I should be asking," he said.

"Yes," he responded quickly. "I do love you, Nick. I told you that. I just worry that you will one day realize just how messed up I really am, mentally and physically and be done with me."

"Not going to happen and I wish you would just accept that you are stuck with me. Remember I am the older one here. Maybe I should be worrying that you will dump me for some younger guy," Nick told him with a light tone.

Greg smirked. "That's not going to happen."

"Then stop thinking the worst. I'm not going to leave you, okay. Now can we stop this argument?" Nick said with a bit of a huff.

"Okay. I'm sorry. It's just that…he really fucked with my head too, you know. I'm beginning to realize that more and more now. I didn't think much about it until recently. He would tell me that it was best I was with him, because the only thing I was good for was …," he paused and closed his eyes. He could just picture Jasper standing over him again, glaring at him with malice.

Nick got worried when he started talking about something that happened and got pulled back into that moment. It usually ended up in a panic attack occurring. "Greg, you don't have to say anymore if you do not want to."

He shook his head and sighed. "No. You need to know to understand as Dr. Warren said. He said I was only good for fucking. He asked me if you and I had a lot of sex. I didn't answer. He snickered and said if anything you were probably always on top; that I was always going to be submissive because he trained me that way. He said I was now the ultimate submissive. He was right."

Nick sat up and moved closer to the end of the sofa, closer to him. "I never forced you to be submissive like he did. You preferred it."

Greg looked up at him with somber, dark eyes. "Yeah but he was right. In our relationship, I hardly have ever taken control. I always let someone take control over me. I use to like it but now…God, now I can't even think about sex. It just totally freaks me out. I hate that I can only remember the bad times and not the good times anymore. I only think of _them_ now. And if we are ever together again, how will you look at me naked without some sort of disgust or pity? I think that is what bothers me the most."

Nick didn't know how to respond only because he had a point. It would be difficult to look at all the scars on his body and know that they came from his time in Jasper's clutches and knowing what they did to him. He frowned. "It will take time, as I've said before. But one day we both will be able to move on, we have to believe that."

The younger man stood up suddenly. He looked down at Nick. "I hope you are right." He was quiet a moment and walked to the patio door. "You know, there is something I haven't mentioned and I've been thinking about it lately."

"What is it?" Nick asked, hoping it was not something really horrible again.

"There were a couple of times, after I already knew of Rex and Chris, that Jasper came down with someone in a black leather mask again. Jasper never said who it was and the man never spoke. I thought it was Chris behind the mask, one of Jasper's games in trying to mess with my head more but now I'm not so sure," Greg said as he looked out in the distance.

Nick was afraid to ask but had to. "You think maybe there was another man involved? Did he, uh, do anything to you?"

"He wore a condom. I thought maybe it was Chris because he would wear one all of the time. But when the guy in the black leather mask was there, it was during times when Jasper would pour the horrible liquor down my throat and it threw off my senses. What if there is another man out there and I have no clue who it is?" He turned to look at Nick, fear in his eyes.

Nick didn't even want to think that there could be another man out there who had raped Greg who they might never identify. "I'm sure they were just trying to mess with you. It was probably one of the others."

"Hmmm, yeah, Jasper liked messing with my head like I said. You are probably right. I should just stop thinking about it. I'm going to shower and go to bed. I got a headache and want to get some sleep. Goodnight Nick," he said, trying to forget the man in the black mask. It had to be Chris, he thought to himself.

"Okay Greg. Good night. I'll stay up for a while longer." He looked after him as he turned and walked away. He was worried with this new insight but hoped there wasn't anyone else out there. Greg looked depressed again and only hoped his dreams didn't turn into nightmares that night.

_A/N-Again thanks for all the wonderful reviews. Still have a ways to go on this story so hang on..._


	15. Working Again

_A/N-Another new chapter for everyone. Skipping ahead a little bit of time here to move the story along a bit. This is a pretty busy chapter, lots of new things, not all good. Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Greg was picking up the dishes from the table and placing them in the sink to wash. He volunteered to clean up after the Thanksgiving dinner that he and Nick had together. They had prepared a pretty simple one. Nick had made the turkey, mashed potatoes and green bean casserole. Greg made his mom's stuffing that he had to have every year and they went with bakery bought pumpkin pie. Nick settled down on the sofa and stretched out in front of the TV, watching his beloved Cowboys play.

A few days had gone by since their joint session with Dr. Warren and Greg had been taking his Xanax and seemed to be handling things better. Nick had noticed that Greg had mentioned his nightmares were not as frequent or as bad. He was not sure it was the medication making them less or just him starting to come to terms with things better.

Greg finished cleaning up and went into the living room and sat on the recliner. He was not as into football as Nick was, but he tolerated it. Today had been the first day where he was really starting to feel back to normal. He had not cut himself in six days. He managed to go long periods of time without thinking about Jasper and the things he and his two buddies did to him. Focusing on the whole Thanksgiving meal had really helped him.

"Damn it! Ugh, I can't take this anymore," Nick shouted and turned the channel on the TV to Discovery. Greg grinned. Nick's Cowboys were being killed and he knew he couldn't take them getting a beating like they were.

"Can't win them all," he smirked. Nick turned and glared at him but when he saw Greg genuinely smiling he softened up. He had noticed the slow change in him in the last couple of days. Today had been the best of the days and he knew it was time to bring up the inevitable.

"You know, I really think you are ready to head back to work," Nick said to him.

The dark blonde's eyes widened. "Really? What makes you say that?"

"Today, I have not seen you this relaxed since you have been back. I think it is being able to focus on other things besides your ordeal that is helping. If you go back to work, you'll be focused on the cases and things will continue to improve."

Greg placed his hands behind his head and leaned back. "Funny you say that because I was actually thinking about going back to work, also. I agree that I need something else to focus on and I think I am comfortable enough to refocus on work. Just sitting around here all day doesn't help me, I realize that. I have too much time to think about what happened. Besides I miss seeing everyone."

Nick smiled. "I'm thrilled to hear you are ready to go back. I'll talk to Catherine about it and let you know what she says. I am sure she will say you can come back soon, but she has to run it by Ecklie first, you know."

Greg frowned a little. "Yeah, I know. Hopefully he will let me back without too many conditions or problems."

"Well I will call Catherine later on, since I know she is working tonight and let her know. Hopefully you can come back within the next few days. I'm really happy to see you willing to move on now."

Greg smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, well I had to at some point, I guess. Today has just been really nice. I truly am thankful for you being so loving and understanding. I don't know where I would be now without you."

Nick looked at him lovingly. "I feel the same way about you. I am thankful for you being safe here with me again. I am nothing without you."

"That's not true, but nice to hear anyway," he grinned.

Nick wanted to hold him or kiss him but he knew he was still not ready for that yet. He had touched his shoulder earlier and he had nearly jumped out of his skin. He still had his fears but he was able to recover from them better now and shake them off. He was hoping that maybe before the end of the year, Greg would be ready to be held by him.

"Say, are you up for a game of virtual football? It seems to be the only time my Cowboys win lately," Nick smirked.

Greg chuckled. "Sure, I'll let you beat me again in Madden NFL just so you can feel better about your football team."

It was the Monday following Thanksgiving and Greg was going into work for the first time in five months. Nick looked over at him in the passenger seat of the truck. He thought Greg looked a little nervous. "There's nothing to be nervous about. You're returning to a group of people who care about you."

Greg looked over at him. "I know. It's just…it's been a long time since I've worked. It's just going to feel weird."

"Well come on then. Let's go inside. Catherine knows that you want to work with me for the first week," Nick said to him. He smiled at him before climbing out of the truck. Greg shrugged and got out of the truck too. They headed into the crime lab. They went to the locker room first where they ran into Sara.

"Greg! I'm so glad to see you back," she said as she went over to him and gave him a hug. Nick looked away as he was still jealous that Greg was able to let Sara or Catherine hug him but he could not. He knew it had to do with the fact that Greg was not intimate with them and he felt more comfortable around them because of that. He just hoped one of these days soon he would be able to get that hug and maybe a kiss from his boyfriend. It was starting to tax on Nick's patience but he would not admit it.

"Yeah, well it is nice to be back. It'll be nice to focus on the cases again. I guess I am sort of sick of worrying about everything that involved what happened to me. I realized I needed to move on, even though Jasper is still out there somewhere. I can't hide forever," Greg said, knowing Sara would understand.

"It's great to see you taking that attitude, Greg. As for now, I think Catherine has some cases for us to work on. She was waiting on you two to arrive, so we better head over to her office," Sara said to them.

He nodded and looked over at Nick who was shoving his jacket into the locker and pulling on his CSI jacket and hat. He noticed Nick had been quiet since Sara hugged him. He knew it was not fair to him but there was something about the idea of letting Nick hold him that would make him feel unworthy and inferior after all that happened to him. He was not over that feeling yet. He looked away from him and grabbed his jacket for work.

"Come on, Greg. Let's go see Catherine," Nick said to him without looking at him. He walked out following Sara. Greg just followed behind, feeling a bit guilty.

After greeting the lab rats, saying hello to Ray and getting their cases from Catherine, Greg went with Nick to a 419. On the drive to the scene, Greg noticed there was tension between them. He didn't know what to say. He was sick of apologizing for how he was. Nick said he would be patient but he was starting to wonder if that promise was harder to keep than he thought.

"Everyone seemed happy to see you again," Nick said out of the blue. He stayed staring with his eyes on the road. He knew he should not be angry with him but he couldn't help it. He was sick of seeing everyone but him being able to get close to Greg.

Greg glanced over at him and then looked back out the window. "Yeah, they did. It was nice to see everyone again. At least it was only the newbies who looked at me weirdly, as if I was an alien. Everyone else treated me like normal, I guess. I was worried they would treat me like I was a fragile piece of glass."

"Well you still sort of are, Greg. I mean you hardly let me get close to you," Nick said without looking at him.

Greg huffed angrily. "You know, I was waiting for you to say something like that. You said you would be patient with me. God Nick! It's only been a little over a month since I was fucking collared to a wall like a fucking animal, getting raped! Why don't you go through what I went through for a few months and see how you deal with it?" He crossed his arms over his chest and stared out the window, not wanting to say any more. If Nick didn't get it yet, he never would.

They were just arriving at the scene. Nick stopped the Tahoe and sighed heavily. He knew he was wrong to say what he said when he said it. He was about to apologize to him but Greg was already opening the door and stepping out.

By the time he got out of the vehicle and grabbed his kit, Greg was already talking to Detective Vartann about the scene. Nick didn't get a chance to talk to him at all during the time on the scene. There was too much ground to cover and they had to take separate rooms to process.

It was not until they were back in the Tahoe, heading back to the crime lab when Nick was able to talk to him again. "Look, Greg. I'm sorry about earlier. I was wrong to say that to you. I did say I was going to be patient and that was not being very patient."

"See the thing is this keeps happening. We have to keep apologizing to each other about how we react to things. I'm starting to wonder if we're ever going to get past this," Greg said to him somberly.

"Greg, I…" Nick started but he was cut off.

"I accept your apology, okay. Let's just get this evidence back to the lab and try to figure out who this guy was who killed that old lady in her own home. She kind of reminded me of my Grandma Sanders," the younger man said quietly.

Nick didn't say anymore. This was something that needed to be talked about at home and not while working. Greg was right, they had to focus on their case.

By the time the shift was over, Greg was exhausted. He didn't think work would wear him out so much, but the tension also between him and Nick was not helping matters either. Even on the ride home they hardly spoke a word to each other.

When they walked through the front door, Greg threw his jacket in the front closet. "I'm going to take a shower and then go to bed. I am mega tired. Goodnight Nick," he said and walked off to his bathroom. Nick watched him walk away and wondered what happened between them that night. Things seemed to be going so well and suddenly Greg goes back to work and things between them get stressed.

Greg stood in front of the bathroom mirror naked, looking at his body riddled with scars, most of them done by the mini torch.

_He heard the door slam and then heard the voice break the silence, Jasper's voice. "Greggy, time for some fun again." He saw him come down the stairs and flip on the dim light. Greg backed himself into the corner, like he always did at first before they completely broke him. He pulled his knees to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. _

_ Jasper came up to him and smiled maliciously at him. He went to grab his arm but Greg was on defensive and reacted faster by kicking his legs out at him, causing Jasper to trip and fall back on his ass. Jasper stood up quickly and glared down at him. "You little bitch. You're going to pay for that. Haven't you learned yet that when you misbehave you're going to pay for it? Stupid whore." He glared and then turned on his heels and went back up the stairs._

_ Greg feared what he was going to do to him this time. His ribs still ached and his face bruised from the beatings he had taken already. He saw Jasper come back down with a duffle bag. Jasper smiled at him as he pulled out the pair of handcuffs. He came over to him and suddenly slugged him in the face, causing Greg to fall to the side. Jasper took his victim's weakened state to his advantage and grabbed his wrists and pulled them behind his back and cuffed him. He dragged the duffle bag over to him and started digging in it._

_ Greg's head was still spinning when he felt Jasper flip him over onto his back, trapping his cuffed arms under him. Jasper held down Greg's legs by kneeling on top of them. Greg groaned in pain from Jasper's weight on his legs. _

_ "Now I've got you where I want you. Now you're going to feel real pain while I have fun marking you are mine," his tormentor sneered. He pulled something out of the duffle bag and at first Greg could not see what it was, but then his eyes widened when he realized what it was. He started squirming underneath Jasper, trying to break free. _

_ He saw him light it and the blue flame appear. "NO! No! Please! I'll behave, just don't," he pleaded with the crazy man._

_ Jasper shook his head. "Too late. I told you I would teach you a lesson. Now you will get a taste of what happens when you do not obey." He lowered the mini torch's flame to Greg's abdomen. Greg screamed out as the heat burned at his flesh._

Greg shuddered at the memory and gazed upon his scared torso before getting in the shower.

Nick had stormed into the master bedroom and thrown his jacket on the bed. He was sitting down on the edge of the bed and running his hand over his head. He was frustrated with their situation. Perhaps it was time for another joint session with Dr. Warren, but he was starting to think seeing her was a joke, seeing as she really did not say much the couple of times they had gone now. He remembered why he hated shrinks.

He laid back on his bed and heard the shower start running in the other bathroom, knowing Greg was taking his shower now. He wondered if he was finally taking cooler showers now. He knew he had been still taking the occasional scalding hot shower, he could always tell when he got out by how red his skin looked. He shook his head at the thought and yawned. He closed his eyes and drifted off.

_He suddenly thought he heard moaning in the other room. He got up and walked into the living room and was shocked at the sight he saw. Greg was on his hands and knees, naked, sucking some guy's cock. The guy, whose moaning he heard, was wearing a black leather mask. The masked man looked up. "Come on, Stokes. Come fuck your little buddy here. You know you've been missing his sweet ass." Nick looked down at Greg, who was shaking his bare ass at him, in a tempting way. Nick felt himself get hard just watching him suck the other guy and shaking his ass at him. Nick walked up closer and suddenly saw the red burns and cuts all over Greg's body. He took a step back, coming to reality. "No, I can't."_

_ He saw Greg withdraw his mouth from around the man's cock and look at him. "Why not? Everyone else has had me, why not you too? I'm just a sex slave, after all."_

_ "No, you're not a slave. You don't have to do this, Greg," he said to him. Greg turned on his hands and knees and crawled over to him, seductively until he was right in front of him. _

_ "I'll always be Jasper's slave, but I can please you too," he said with his big brown eyes looking up at him. He sat up on his knees and put his hands on Nick's crotch, feeling the hardness beneath the jean material. "Here let me help you with that." Greg slowly unzipped his pants and pushed them and his briefs down his legs, exposing his aching cock. _

_ Nick watched Greg lick his lips and then take him into his mouth. He forgot how much he missed Greg's mouth on him. He groaned in pleasure as Greg worked his magic mouth on him. It had been so long since the younger man gave him a blow job, he got greedy. He suddenly put his hand on his head and pushed his head closer, so he was deep throating him. "Suck it harder, Bitch," he said to the younger man gruffly. _

_ He heard whimpering from the man sucking him and didn't care. He held his head tight to his crotch. "That's it. Now you've made him your bitch too," he heard another man's voice say. He looked up briefly to see who was speaking and it was a man who looked like the guy in the mug shots of Jasper Marks. He suddenly realized what he was doing and pushed Greg's head back, making him fall back and stare up at him. The look on his face was pure terror as tears fell from his eyes._

"No!" Nick sat up in bed quickly, breathing heavily. He wiped his hand over his face. He was sweating. He was horrified by his dream and even more so that he had a hard on. He felt sick that the dream gave him one. He quickly ran into the bathroom and started running his shower. He let the water run cold and jerked off in the shower. He leaned his head against the tile wall, feeling miserable for what had just happened. This day was one big mess.

He got out of the shower and toweled off. He pulled on some pajama bottoms and walked down the hall to the bedroom Greg was in. He peeked in the room that had the drapes cracked open to let in some daylight. Greg was curled up on his side in the bed, sleeping. He still had to have some light in the room when he slept and Nick had yet to walk in on him and him not be sleeping on his side, curled up in a tight protective way. It made him feel even worse about the dream he had. It was getting harder be the boyfriend he needed to be to Greg.

He couldn't look at him anymore. It made him feel like filth, no better than the men who tormented him. "I'm a terrible boyfriend. You didn't do any wrong, Greg."

He went into the living room and turned on the TV. He couldn't go back into his bed at this time. He sat up and watched TV instead, eventually dozing off on the sofa.


	16. Problems Arise

_A/N-Thank you to all who so faithfully review each chapter. I have already completed this story, but sometimes your comments and suggestions have me going back and tweaking the story a little. So keep up the reviews. This chapter brings about many problems for our guys. Enjoy!_

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Nick stared across the kitchen table at Greg, whose head was bowed down, eating his spaghetti. Nick had grown very tired of the tension between them. It was getting worse day by day since Greg had returned to work. It had been three weeks now and things did not seem to be getting better. They seemed to argue more since Nick had been having more strange, sickening dreams involving Greg. He never told Greg about these dreams, fearful what he would think of him. He was scared himself about having the dreams. He felt horrible about them but they seemed to be getting more frequent. The thing was that he was starting to get more impatient with Greg and he hated that he was. He figured the dreams were an effect of his impatience. He promised him that he could wait but now he was beginning to wonder if he could.

Greg, in turn, had sensed his growing impatience and was getting irritated with him for trying to push him when he was still not ready. He knew he should be moving on but he could not help but still fear Jasper finding him again someday. Every time that fear came over him so did the terrible memories and pain that came with them. He had stopped cutting himself but now without that outlet he was more moody. The Xanax had helped with the panic attacks; he rarely had them anymore. The last one he had was a week ago at a scene. Luckily Nick was the only one to see him have it.

They had been called in on a murder case. In an abandoned warehouse way off strip, a woman's body was found naked. She had been tied up and raped. She was beaten badly. As they were looking for evidence, Greg came across a trash bag outside in the dumpster with a large dildo covered in blood. Nick had seen him quickly drop the bag and step back a few feet. Then he started hyperventilating. Nick went over to him and tried to calm him down. He finally picked up the bag and saw what was in it that triggered the panic attack in his boyfriend. He had looked back at Greg who was still shaking and seemed to be in a daze. He knew he was probably reliving some kind of sexual torture that occurred to him.

"Greg, you're okay. Nothing is going to happen to you," he had told him. Greg wanted to believe it but everything was still too clear in his mind and seeing that brought back so many days he wished to forget forever.

Now they sat, barely talking to each other. Greg was finishing up his meal, ignoring him. It was going to be the third time he went into work without Nick being there. They had a couple of split days off and Greg didn't know that Nick had requested those days off to Catherine. He had told Catherine he needed time home alone without always having Greg around. He was hoping the little time apart would help their tension lessen since they were not spending so much time together. Nick truly believed that was the reason they were having problems. They just saw too much of each other now. Nick felt horrible for feeling that way too, since for four months he was apart from him and desperately searching for him. Now he felt like he was suffocating with him around, only because he was there but he could not be with him in any sort of physical way.

Greg stood up and cleared his plate from the table without a word. They were not speaking since Nick yelled at him to stop worrying about people seeing his scars. Nick had caught Greg staring in the mirror at himself again, playing with the collar on his shirt as he dressed for work. He was trying to pull it up to hide the marks on his neck.

"Nobody at work cares. You're the only one so concerned about your scars. Get over it," Nick told him, regretting every word once he saw the immense hurt in his partner's brown eyes.

"You know, I don't care if others don't care. I do. I don't like seeing the reminders all over my body, but I would not expect you to understand," Greg had said as he stormed off into his bedroom and slammed the door. He sat on his bed and rubbed his stomach where the first burn scar was. He shuddered at the memory and knew that Nick just couldn't ever understand.

Greg waited a while before leaving his room again. He had ignored that Nick was at the table, when he went to heat up the leftover spaghetti and sat down at the table.

"I'm sorry about earlier. Once again I stuck my foot in my mouth," Nick finally said as Greg was putting his dishes in the dishwasher.

"Seems to happen much too often lately," his partner said with a slight sneer.

"You know, I try to say I am sorry and then you shove it back at me. What more do you want me to do?" Nick asked, exasperated.

The younger man came over and sat down again across from Nick. He gazed at him before speaking softly. "I just want us to be like we were back before all this shit happened. I am sick of fighting."

"So am I, but things will never be the same. It can't be the same if you can't sleep in the same bed with me," Nick told him.

Greg threw his head back and sighed. "Back to that again…so much for that patience you promised."

"How do you ever expect to move on if you can't even let me hold you?"

Greg closed his eyes. He was tired and not in the mood to go into work tonight and definitely not in mood to talk about this again to Nick. "Nick…I just…"

"Yeah I know, need more time. Whatever!" This time Nick stood up and walked away from the table and headed for the sofa.

Greg sucked in his lower lip. He decided it was time to change the subject and to talk about something they had yet to decide. "My parents want to come here for Christmas."

Nick looked at him with surprise. "I thought we were going to my parents for a couple days and then visiting your family over New Years?"

"Yeah, well they said after what happened to me they want to spend Christmas Day with me here. I mean, I am their only child." He knew Nick would not be happy with that.

"I know but my parents have not seen me in over 6 months and they have been looking forward to seeing me," Nick told him.

"Then perhaps you should go…go alone and I will stay here with my parents," Greg suggested with a sad sigh.

Nick shook his head. He didn't want to be away from Greg for Christmas, but he promised his parents he would be there and he couldn't blame Greg's parents for wanting to spend the holiday with him after they thought he would never be found again. "Let me call my family tonight and we will talk about this again when you get back from work. You should get going soon. Your shift starts in an hour."

"Okay," he replied and got up to get going. "See you later."

Greg had been gone for an hour for work when Nick decided he needed to get out and try to get his mind off Greg for a while. He decided he needed to loosen up for a while. He walked into a club that he occasionally had gone to with Greg. Overall he did not care for dancing but Greg did and he obliged him on occasion by joining him at various nightclubs.

He went up to the bar and ordered a beer. He liked the music they played here, he admitted to Greg once. Mostly he liked to see Greg dance to the music. He smiled thinking about Greg before all this happened, how fun and carefree he was. Things had changed so drastically now. He looked back at the dance floor and saw all the swaying bodies. It was a gay club, but many straight men and women could be found there hanging out with their gay friends, also.

He was drinking his beer when a younger man came up to him. He was cute and wore a tight shirt over his thin frame. His body type reminded him of Greg but he was shorter. "Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to dance."

Nick smirked. He could still draw out the guys. "Nah, I think I'll just watch."

"What? Are you some kind of creep who just comes here to watch?" The young dark haired man asked him with a smirk, showing that he was kidding about the comment.

"No, no. I just…" then he thought what the hell. One little dance. Greg would never have to know. "Okay, I'll join you on the dance floor." The younger man smiled, his light blue eyes shining.

Nick followed him out onto the floor, watching his tight ass wiggle as he started moving to the music. He remembered how Greg used to tease him that way. The guy started dancing right away and Nick joined him. Soon the guy was moving closer to Nick. The younger man flung his head back and ran his hand down his chest. Nick thought he was kind of hot making that move. The guy turned around, with his back to Nick and started backing up into him, rubbing his ass against Nick's groin. Nick was shocked when he felt his groin twitch. He knew he had to stop this now. He could not get into a situation he would regret, he couldn't hurt Greg.

"Look, I got to go. Thanks for asking to dance but I just remembered I have someplace I need to be," he said quickly to the young man and then quickly made his way out through the crowd. When he got to his truck, he still felt a slight tightness in his pants. "Fuck," he said, angry with himself. He started the truck and hoped by the time he got home his semi boner would be gone.

He pulled into the driveway and turned off the truck. The drive home did solve his problem but he still felt like shit for even letting it almost happen. He had not let another guy turn him on like that since he met Greg. Since then only Greg could do it.

He stepped out of the truck and slammed the door. He was so mad at himself. He fumbled getting his keys out of his pocket and opened the front door. He was about to close the door when someone came through the door quickly, holding a gun to his head.

"Close the door and turn off the alarm," the voice said. It was still dark; he had not turned on the lights in the house yet so he could not see who it was. He was about to hit a panic button on the alarm system when the gun jabbed him in his temple. "Don't even think about it."

He turned off the alarm without setting off the panic alarm. "What do you want?"

"You'll see," the voice said. Suddenly the man moved and slammed his gun against Nick's temple. Nick fell to the ground, unconscious.

His head was throbbing. He attempted to reach up and clutch his head when he realized he could not move his hands. He opened his eyes and saw that he was tied up to one of his kitchen chairs. The lights were on in the room and music was playing at a medium level. He was in his bedroom, the chair was against the wall closest to the foot of the bed. He realized his shirt had been removed but his pants where still on.

"Help," he yelled out suddenly, realizing his situation. He heard footsteps and then saw the man he had wanted to find since he heard his full name. "Jasper Marks, it's you."

Jasper smiled that he was recognized. "Well, I guess Greg has talked a lot about me then, seeing as you seem to know me so well. It's funny you got that same look in your eyes that I saw from your so-called boyfriend often." He was referring to the death glare Nick was giving him.

His hair was darker and shorter now, making his blue eyes stand out more. He was bigger than Nick expected and could now see why Greg had trouble fighting him off. He was bigger than Nick in height and muscle. He wore black jeans and a black t-shirt. Nick could sort of see what Greg found attractive about him, but overall all he could feel for the man that tortured and humiliated Greg was hatred.

He walked closer to Nick and smiled appreciatively at him. He reached out and ran a hand over Nick's chest. Nick shuddered at the touch. "My Greg always did like the more muscular types; although I think I got you beat on that. I can see what he likes about you though. It's a shame that he does not belong to you though. I am back to claim my property."

"He's not your property or anyone else's. You leave him alone. You've done enough damage to him," Nick spat at him.

"You know, he came to me first, back in the day. He wanted to belong to me but the problem was he forgot the rules of being my property and started not behaving like a proper slave. I had to keep him in check. Then the little bitch tattled on me and got me sent to prison. I had been planning my revenge on him since I first laid my head down on that cot in that prison cell. When I got free, I took my time in tracking him down and watching the two of you. Then the day came where I reclaimed him and made him pay for sending me to prison. Too bad that little snitch Chris had to spoil my fun. I took care of him anyway. Rex was stupid for getting caught but then again he was always a little reckless. Now my other pal is probably the smartest. He likes to think of himself as the true S&M guy with his black leather mask and all. He never lets his subs see his face. My but he enjoyed my little slave bitch just as much as I did. Now the glorious part is you will get to witness him obeying me and me taking him back," he sniggered.

Nick felt sick knowing there _was_ another man involved as Greg feared. Nick struggled at his binds but they were done tight. Even his legs were tied to the legs of the chair. "You sick freak! He'll never go with you willingly. You can only force him which is what you seem to do best. He loves me and is with me not you."

Jasper bent down and was face to face with him. His eyes were ice cold. "What was it like the first time you fucked him again since he came back, did he scream my name?"

"Shut the fuck up," Nick yelled.

Jasper stood back a moment then realization hit him and suddenly he started grinning. "Oh this is even better. I bet he has not even let you touch him since you got him back. I did train him well then. He knows he can only be with me or those I approve of and you are not one of them."

"That's bullshit! You ruined him. You humiliated him and damaged him that he can't stand any man to touch him, even the man who loves him no matter what. You are a sick, disgusting animal," he yelled. He was so angry he could burst. The man he had been loathing for the last month and a half was there in front of him, controlling the situation and he couldn't do anything.

"Nick, it is, right? Yeah, I remember Greggy calling out your name a few times, begging that you would come save him. He had to be pissed it took you so long, you're pretty much a failure as a boyfriend," the taller man snickered.

Nick glared at him. He just laughed. "Yeah, you are a failure and you know it. It doesn't matter now anyways. He will be my bitch again and you'll be left searching for him but this time you will never find him. I won't bring anyone into my circle this time. It'll just be me fucking him until he bleeds to death," he smiled maliciously.

"You fucking sick bastard. He'll never go with you willingly."

"Hmmm perhaps, but I'll test his love for you. Perhaps if he knows going with me will spare your life, he will. What do you think he will do? Let you die or go with me?"

Nick sneered but he did wonder what Greg would do. Greg kept saying he couldn't go through what he went through with Jasper again, but he wouldn't let Jasper kill him either, would he?

Jasper looked at his watch. "Well it's time to get ready for our little Greggy to get home." He went behind Nick. Nick could hear a zipper and rustling in what sounded like a bag. A few seconds later Jasper came before him again with a roll of duct tape.

"I can't have you warning Greg before he finds me with you in the room here," Jasper grinned. He tore off a strip of duct tape and tried to put it over Nick's mouth. Nick turned his head quickly and then turned back and clamped his mouth down on Jasper's hand. "Owww, you fucking little bastard." Jasper pulled the gun out of his belt and pistol whipped Nick across the face. Nick felt blood as he had bit down on his tongue. His face stung something severe.

Next thing he knew the duct tape was placed over his mouth, preventing him from screaming or warning Greg when he came in.

"Now, you won't be making any more noise or biting anyone. Now we will just sit and wait until your precious Greg comes home and then I will make him mine again," Jasper said with a malicious laugh.

Nick suddenly felt incredible fear for himself but more so for Greg. He was not sure how he would react when he saw Jasper again. He feared his panic attacks might come back and render him incapable of doing anything. Overall he just prayed Greg realized something was wrong when he walked in and called for backup before Jasper had a chance to do anything.


	17. Jasper

_A/N-I decided to not make you all wait too long for this chapter. This chapter might surprise some of you in what goes on. I am curious to read your reactions. Definitely another hard chapter to read. Let me know what you think. Thanks for all the fabulous reviews so far. You all make me feel really good about the time I took into writing this story._

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Greg yawned as he pulled into the driveway of the home he shared with Nick. He had worked an arson case with Sara. Arson cases always took a long time to gather usable evidence. He was glad to be done for the night and able to come home and relax. Plus he had to talk to Nick so they could figure out their plans for Christmas, since it was only a week away. He hoped they would not argue. He was too tired to argue.

He unlocked the door and walked in right away and was surprised that the alarm was not set. He figured Nick turned it off. He sometimes did when he was home alone and trying to sleep. He didn't want the alarm to wake him up when Greg came home. He reset the alarm now that he was home.

As he walked into the house further he heard music coming from the back of the bedroom hallway. He guessed Nick was still awake and perhaps playing on his laptop in his bedroom. He decided to let him know that he was home. He put his keys and his cell phone on the kitchen counter after removing his jacket and tossing it in the front closet.

"Hey Nick, I'm home," he yelled out as he walked towards the bedroom. He could see the door cracked open. He figured since Nick did not respond he was still mad at him. He walked up to his door anyway and pushed it open. His eyes widened in shock and fear at what he saw.

"Welcome home, Greggy. I've missed you so much, so has your boyfriend here," Jasper said as he saw his property enter the room. He waved his gun in front of Nick's face.

Nick's frightened eyes were locked on Greg's. Nick was more scared for Greg than for himself. He was afraid how he would react to seeing the man who tormented him for so long again, knowing he had been right in that he would come back for him.

Greg could feel his heart start racing but he managed to control his fear because he knew Nick was in trouble because of him. He stared at Nick, who couldn't speak due to the tape over his mouth. He saw blood dried up on his face and a bruise forming. Greg studied the situation and saw that it was not a good one. Nick was tied up to the chair hands and feet. He had no chance to free himself. He finally turned his eyes to the man he loathed and feared at the same time, more than anything in the world.

"What do you want, Jasper?" He finally asked him in a shaky voice, noticing he had changed his look, which probably helped him stay unnoticed for the last month and a half.

"Jasper? Oh how quickly you forget. You are to call me Master, my little slave." Greg just sneered at the man in response.

He laughed, "Oh I see some of that fire is back. Perhaps it was good you had some recovery time. It'll be nice to beat you down again into submissiveness. I'm here to take my property back and make you mine forever this time. I will not bring anyone else into it this time. I don't want to lose you due to some weakling like Chris."

"What do you plan on doing with Nick?" Greg asked as he looked to his boyfriend, who was shaking his head to not bother asking about him.

Jasper placed the gun against Nick's temple, causing Greg to gasp. "I'll kill him if you do not cooperate." Jasper saw the fear in Greg's eyes for his boyfriend and knew he had the control again. He was planning on just taking off with Greg but now he thought a bit more taunting was due for show to Nick.

Greg looked back to Jasper. "What do you want from me?"

"Well, for now, I want you to strip off all your clothes. I want to see all the beautiful markings I put on your body to show ownership," Jasper grinned evilly.

Greg paled. "He already has seen them, there is no need for a show," he responded meekly.

"Perhaps, but when I tell you to do something, you are supposed to do it, so strip, bitch!"

Greg looked over to Nick, whose eyes were welling up as he shook his head for Greg to not do it. Jasper witnessed Greg's hesitation and realized he was going to need some motivation. He lowered his gun and aimed it at Nick's arm. He suddenly fired a shot off, hitting Nick in the arm, whose muffled scream could be heard behind the tape.

"Next shot will be to the chest if you do not do as I say, Greggy," Jasper said, this time with a dark tone in his voice.

Greg stood frozen and horrified on the spot as blood dripped from Nick's right arm. It looked to only be a flesh wound but he knew Jasper meant business now. He shook a little as he stared back at Jasper. "Fine, you made your point, just don't hurt him anymore."

"Get on with it then. Take off your clothes." Greg started taking off his shirt first to Jasper's hungry stare. Then he unzipped his pants and stepped out of them. "I see you have gained your weight back. You look good. Now throw your clothes to the corner," Jasper told him. Greg did as he was told. He stood with his briefs still on. "Take it all off, bitch!" Jasper growled.

Nick could see Greg was shaking some as he looked at him with sad eyes before pulling down his underwear. It was killing Nick that he was helpless to help him once again as he was being told what to do by the piece of filth.

Jasper gazed appreciatively over Greg's scared body. "I did some nice work on you. Turn around, let me see my ownership mark."

Greg swallowed hard before turning around. It was taking everything he had to keep from freaking out about being treated this way again. He had to do something. He couldn't let himself be taken again by this freak.

"I'm sure you saw this mark, Nick. JM, my initials seared into his skin right above his sweet little ass, proof that he is mine forever, no matter what." Jasper came closer to Greg to peer at the marking. Greg moved quickly and spun around and punched him in the face. What Greg didn't expect was Jasper's even quicker reaction to his punch. Jasper took his right hand with his gun in it and wacked it across his face, knocking Greg to the ground.

"You little bitch, you think you can fight me," Jasper said and then started kicking Greg in the ribs. Greg felt like he was back in his hell as he felt the pain radiating through his chest from the kicks, old ribs being broken again.

Nick desperately tried to struggle against his binds causing his chair to tip over. Jasper turned around at the noise and laughed as he saw Nick on his side, still bound to the chair. "Stupid fool," Jasper spit." Nick hated seeing Greg beaten again and being unable to do anything for him. He was helpless and tears fell from his eyes as he watched Greg curl up from the pain.

Jasper looked down at Greg's curled up form on the ground. "Get to your knees, bitch." Greg stayed curled up on the ground. He didn't want to move. He just wanted to drift away into a painless world. He suddenly felt his left arm being grabbed roughly. He gasped.

"Get up or I'll break your wrist again," Jasper seethed. Greg knew he meant what he said so he struggled to get to his knees, not too injure his sore body anymore. He was on his knees and looked up at Jasper who finally let go of his arm.

"That's better. Now it's time for your boyfriend to see just how good you are at giving me a blow job. Get to it, bitch," Jasper grinned.

Greg looked over at Nick who was lying on his side, still tied to the chair. Nick shook his head again, not wanting to see Greg degrade himself to save his life.

Jasper was getting impatient. He raised his gun again and pointed it at Nick's head. "Get to it or he's dead."

Greg looked up at Jasper again, hate filling his eyes. "Yes Master," he seethed. Jasper laughed. "See now that is more like it. Now suck, bitch."

Greg took one more look at Nick, his eyes conveying his apology at what he was about to do in front of him. He knew Jasper would shoot him if given the chance. He could never let him kill Nick. He would rather suffer again.

The younger man took a steadying breath that hurt some but it helped him from losing his control over his fear. He couldn't mess up now otherwise it might cause Nick his life. He brought up his hands to Jasper's pants and unbuttoned and then unzipped his pants. Jasper never wore underwear, so his hard cock popped out right away.

Nick was shocked at how large he was and felt even worse for Greg, knowing he had so many times had to do this before and now was having to be humiliated right in front of him.

Greg just stared for a moment, not believing this was happening again and worse yet in front of Nick. A slap to his face from Jasper broke him from the thought. "Now," was the command yelled at him.

Greg took a few shallow quick breaths to control his anxiety shaking before he took Jasper into his mouth. He heard the pleasure filled groan from the man he sucked.

Nick had to close his eyes. He couldn't watch him do this, it pained him too much.

"Work that magic mouth of yours, bitch," Jasper groaned as he placed a hand on the back of Greg's head and forced himself all the way in. Greg was use to this and amazingly enough he was able to not nearly choke anymore.

His mind was in overdrive, trying to think of a way out of this. Jasper having a gun was a major problem. If only he could get the gun away from him in some way. Then it came to him. Jasper always became sluggish after his release. If he could somehow knock Jasper to the ground he could try to wrangle the gun from him. His hands were still free. He placed his hands on the back of Jasper's ankles.

"What are you doing?" He heard Jasper ask. He momentarily removed his mouth from his cock to set him at ease. He started running his hands up and down his legs, in a messaging move.

"I'm just trying to please you, Master," he said as he looked up at him with hopeful eyes.

Jasper smiled. "That's a good slave boy. I like it, keep it up."

Nick heard the transaction and couldn't believe it. He wondered if Greg had given up hope so quickly by giving into the sick man's needs. He opened his eyes briefly to see Greg looking up at Jasper, his head being held tight to take in all of Jasper's length and girth and his hands running up and down his legs. He almost wanted to vomit and quickly he closed his eyes again from the sight.

Greg watched Jasper for signs that he was coming close to his release. He had to act quickly to catch him off guard. He would not be his sex slave again, especially for the rest of his life.

All Nick could hear was Jasper's moaning from pleasure, the pleasure his boyfriend was giving him. Just the sounds made him sick. He wondered what he was going to do to Greg after this display. Was he going to fuck him right in front of him too? He didn't think he could handle it. He wanted to kill that bastard for everything he had done to Greg and for this moment. The groaning was becoming more louder, signaling to Nick that he was close to coming. Was he going to make him swallow too? The thought made bile rise in his throat.

Greg knew Jasper was about to come. He knew he was going to have to swallow and he tried not to think about it. His only thought was his plan so he could save Nick and himself. He tried to concentrate on what he was going to have to do after that moment. He hoped it would work. It had to work. He wasn't chained up this time. He had a chance. He refused to be taken again, to go through the constant sexual torture again.

The moment came, Jasper's warm seed released in his throat. He fought the urge to throw up and concentrated on grabbing his ankles. He felt Jasper's stance weaken. He withdrew his mouth from his cock and quickly pulled back, pulling on Jasper's ankles at the same time, causing Jasper to lose his balance and fall on his back.

Greg quickly scrambled on top of Jasper, reaching for the gun that loosened in his grasp. Jasper realized what Greg was trying to do but before he knew it, he was punched in the face. Greg managed to grab the gun and got up to his feet and stood over Jasper.

Nick had heard the commotion and opened his eyes was shocked to see Greg trying to grab the gun from Jasper. He watched as Greg got the gun and stood up over him. The sight seemed unreal. Greg standing naked, holding a gun on Jasper, the man he had just been giving a blow job to.

Jasper looked up at Greg, whose eyes were full of pure hate. "Greg, you don't have the guts to pull the trigger. You never had guts, that's why you will always be a submissive, someone's bitch. Now give that gun to someone who knows how to handle it," Jasper said to him with confidence. He truly believed what he said.

"You're wrong. You're dead wrong," Greg said in an eerily cool voice. He felt that he was in control finally, even though he just finished sucking his dick and was standing there naked.

Nick watched the next few moments play out in what seemed like slow motion before him. Jasper made a quick move to get up and that was when Greg fired the gun but he did not stop with one shot. He kept firing until the 6 cylinder ran out of bullets, but even then Greg's finger kept pulling on the trigger. He looked at Greg who seemed to be in a daze as he kept pulling the trigger. Nick tried yelling at him through the tape over his mouth.

When Greg saw Jasper move towards him he knew he had to end it. He pulled the trigger but then he couldn't stop. He wanted him to never come back, he wanted him dead, to stop haunting him. He just kept picturing the endless days when Jasper beat him and burned him and raped him. It wasn't until he saw the blood pooling around Jasper's body that he realized he had run out of bullets. He put his hands down to his side and dropped the gun. Then suddenly the revulsion of all that happened came back up. He bent over to the side and started vomiting.

Nick looked away as Greg continued to throw up; tears' falling from his eyes at not knowing what was going to happen now.

"Nicky," he heard minutes later and he turned his head and saw a very pale Greg looking at him.

After he stopped throwing up he was taken back to reality and saw Nick still tied up, lying on his side with his arm bleeding. He knelt before him and said his name. Nick looked at him with tears in his eyes. Greg brought his hands up to his face and grabbed an end of the tape. "I'll pull quickly," he warned before pulling the tape off his mouth.

"God, Greg…Untie me," Nick said to him.

Greg started on his legs first and then crawled behind him and untied his hands. Nick stood up and looked at Jasper's bullet ridden body on the floor. Greg sat on the floor, looking at him also. Nick went over and checked Jasper's pulse, knowing he would not find one. He looked back at Greg who had wrapped his arms around himself and was starting to shake.

"He's dead. Put your clothes back on and go into the living room. I'm going to call Brass," Nick said, taking control of the situation. He pulled Greg to his feet. He knew Greg was starting to show signs of going into shock.

"Your arm," Greg said as he pointed to the bleeding. Nick looked down at it. "It's nothing but a flesh wound, Greg. Just get dressed. I'll have them send in the paramedics too." Greg nodded and went over to the corner where he threw his clothes and started putting them on, slowly, still keeping an eye on Jasper's dead body.

Nick went to the nightstand and turned off the stereo that was playing the music and then picked up the phone. Brass answered right away. "Jim, this is Nick. You need to get out here. Jasper Marks broke into our place and well, things happened and now he's dead. Can you let Catherine know too?"

"Is Greg there?" Brass asked.

"Yes, and can you also call for paramedics? We both need to be looked at but it's nothing serious," he told him. He was watching Greg get dressed as he spoke. He could see his shaking getting worse. Brass told him they would be out there as soon as possible.

Nick saw Greg finish getting dressed and look at Jasper eerily again before walking out of the bedroom. Nick sighed. More emotional scarring for his beloved, he was very worried. He looked down at the man who caused so much pain and suffering and only felt sadness that he was finally dead; sadness because of all the more damage he caused Greg. He realized he had to protect Greg from further humiliation. Jasper's pants were still partially down. He managed to maneuver him and pull them back up and zip him up. They didn't have to know about what he made Greg do in front of him. He went into the bathroom and cleaned his hands and grabbed a towel and then wrapped it around his arm to slow the bleeding. He then went into the living room to find Greg.

Greg had his feet up on the sofa, knees almost up to his chest with arms wrapped around them. He was slightly rocking back and forth. He went over and sat next to him. Greg didn't even acknowledge him. "I can say for sure this time, Jasper will never hurt you again," he said to him. Greg nodded his head a little bit but kept on rocking. Nick sighed, wondering if things could ever return to normal now after all this. He buried his face in his hands in weariness and sadness as they waited for Brass and company.


	18. Aftermath

_A/N-I want to thank Rainack, CrystallineSolid, burrollie, 101spacemonkey, , and all the other faithful, wonderful reviewers so far. I really do appreciate your feedback. I'm glad you all have been enjoying this rather tough story to read. Now we get to see how this affects our guys._

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Nick sat with Greg in silence until he heard the sirens. "That's Brass. I'll get the door." He got up and went to the door. He saw that Greg had reset the alarm. He turned it off and opened the door. He saw Jim Brass getting out of his mustang, followed by Officer Mitchell and Akers in a squad car. A Tahoe pulled up behind them. Brass waited for Catherine to come out of the Tahoe before going up to the door to meet Nick.

"Nick, what happened here?" Brass asked as he entered their house and saw Greg sitting on the sofa. Greg was sitting cross-legged since it was hurting his ribs to sit the way he had been sitting. He was still rocking a little bit and sat staring at nothing in particular.

Brass saw the bruises on both of their faces and the towel wrapped around Nick's arm, with blood seeping through. Catherine stood behind him and could see the weariness in Nick's eyes.

"Jasper jumped me when I came home tonight after I went out for a bit. He tied me up and waited for Greg to come home so he could take him back, he said. He had a gun. Greg came home and found me in the bedroom tied up. Jasper shot me in the arm to get Greg to cooperate and go with him. Greg tried attacking him and Jasper struck him with the gun and knocked him down. He started kicking him. He left him alone briefly and Greg took a chance and got up and struggled with him to get the gun. Greg managed to trip him up and Jasper fell to his back. Greg got the gun from him. Jasper tried to come after him again and he shot and killed him. That's the short of it. Everything took place in my bedroom." He pointed in the direction and Brass went down the hall with Officer Mitchell.

Catherine walked up to Nick and saw his arm. "Paramedics are on their way." She looked over his shoulder at Greg. "How's he holding up?" she asked Nick.

He shook his head. "He's in shock, I think. He really hasn't said anything much since he shot him. Jasper put him through some stuff before he struggled for the gun and shot him." He looked at Catherine. "I'm scared for him. I'm scared what this will do to him."

She placed her hand on his. "He has you, Nick. He'll get through this if you are here for him."

"I'm not sure I'm enough anymore. Not after today," Nick said to her as he looked at Greg, recalling the humiliation that showed in his eyes when Jasper forced him into the blow job.

Brass called out from the room and asked him to come in. Nick asked Catherine to watch over Greg while he stepped out of the room.

He walked to where Brass was. "Say you said Greg shot him…looks like numerous times," he asked suspiciously.

"Jim, the man torments him for months and even today," Nick paused remembering the events that had occurred. "Even today he did it to him and me. He would've killed me had Greg not shot him. Yes, he lost control when he shot him but damn it I would have done the same thing."

Jim nodded in understanding. He looked down at the floor and saw the vomit. "And that?" he asked, pointing to it.

"Greg, after he shot him," Nick told him with a heavy heart.

Brass bent down and saw the duffle bag that Jasper had brought in. He saw duct tape, rope and sex toys in it. He frowned, only assuming what Jasper's plan had been. "Okay. I think Catherine is sending in Ray to help with the scene," Brass said.

"Nick, come quick!" They heard Catherine yell.

Nick ran out and saw Greg struggling to breathe. He was having a full blown panic attack and with his bruised ribs it seemed to make it worse. Nick ran over to him. He could see Greg gasping for breath but not able to seemingly get any.

Greg felt like he was suffocating and could not breathe. His heart was beating rapidly and was feeling light headed. He felt his hands being held and heard Nick frantically telling him to slow down his breathing but he couldn't, after everything that had just happened.

Nick had never seen him as bad as it was this time. He was actually starting to turn blue. "Don't do this to me now, Greg. Damn it breathe!"

Just then the paramedics arrived. They saw the man having trouble breathing and asked Nick to step aside. They took an oxygen mask and tried placing it over his face but Greg batted it away. He didn't want anyone touching him.

"He doesn't like to be touched," Nick told them. "I'm usually the only one who can calm him down."

They let him try to put the oxygen mask on him to help his breathing. "Greg, you need to breathe. Let me put this oxygen mask on you and try to slow your breathing. I know it hurts but your only making it worse." He slowly put the mask over his face and saw that he was trying to calm himself down.

After a few minutes he removed the mask from his face. He was still shaking and sweating but he had managed to calm his breathing. "How do you feel, sir?" A paramedic asked him.

Greg just looked at him and then to Nick. "He's bleeding," he finally said.

The paramedic looked and had not even realized Nick's arm was injured. He started attending to his arm. Nick let them tend to his arm while he watched over Greg. Greg had his arms wrapped around himself again and was staring down at the ground.

"I think you should at least go to the hospital to be checked out. You can't stay here anyway. I'll arrange for someplace for you to stay once you get checked out of the hospital," Catherine told them.

"Yeah I know we can't come back here today." He looked at Greg who had lowered his head into his hands. "I think he should be checked out too. He took some kicks to the ribcage." Greg glanced up at him, seemingly lost.

"Okay go with the paramedics, we'll take care of things here. I will stop by the hospital on the way back," Catherine told him.

Nick took Greg's hand. "Come on, let's go and get checked out." Greg just let him lead him out with the paramedics.

Catherine walked into the bedroom with Brass. "I let Nick go to the hospital with Greg. We can question them there. Greg is in no shape to talk right now and Nick is too worried about him to leave his side." Catherine looked down at the body of Jasper Marks. The assistant corner David Phillips arrived on scene to look at the body.

"I see five GSWs to the chest," he told them. "Who shot him?" He asked, knowing it had to be Nick or Greg.

"Nick said Greg did after a struggle with the gun. Nick said he had been tied up at the time," Brass said. Catherine walked over to where she spotted the gun on the floor. She bent over and picked it up.

"Six cylinder, all rounds fired. The sixth one is the one that hit Nick, I assume," she said as she examined the gun and then bagged it.

Brass noticed a hole in the wall behind where the chair was sitting. "Looks like the bullet went into the wall over there. He only had a flesh wound."

Catherine shook her head in sadness. "Greg had to have freaked out seeing him again. Supposedly Jasper planned on taking him again and locking him up. I'm assuming he would have killed Nick."

"Yeah, there is his bag with the tools I guess Jasper planned to use once he had Greg," Brass said pointing to the duffle bag.

"Well at least the creep is dead and can't harm anyone anymore," David said.

"Tell that to Greg, he's still going to be haunted by him for months if not years," Catherine sighed.

At the hospital, Nick sat on the bed next to where Greg sat. A nurse was stitching up his gunshot wound while another nurse just came back with x-ray results from Greg's chest. She handed them off to the doctor on duty. "Well, it looks like you have a couple of cracked ribs and some bruised. You'll have to take it easy and I will prescribe some pain pills for you. I see you've had them before so you know how to treat them already." The doctor waited for Greg to nod that he understood. "Good, then you'll probably want to apply some ice to the bruise on your temple. Same goes for you, Mr. Stokes."

"So we don't have to spend overnight here?" Nick asked.

"No, I see no reason, but I do advise you both get some rest for the next couple of days. I gave a call to Dr. Warren to let her know you are here. I see she has been seeing both of you. Seeing the circumstances you came in on, I felt she needed to be contacted. She should be stepping in soon. For now I will let the nurses finish up here. Take care you two."

Nick looked at Greg, who still had not said much since the shooting. He did seem more coherent now though. He was glad Dr. Warren was going to stop by because he was at a loss of what to do. He still did not entirely believe all that happened himself.

The nurse finished up bandaging his arm and then left the two alone in the room for a while. Nick wanted to say something but he didn't know what to say. He was surprised when he heard Greg speak first.

"I'm not going to be in trouble, am I?" he asked quietly in a childlike voice. He looked exhausted.

"No, no, it was self- defense all the way. You're going to be fine." Nick told him. He didn't want him worrying about anything else. He'd been through enough.

"What about you? Will you be okay with me?" he asked timidly now.

"Why wouldn't I be? This changes nothing," Nick told him.

Tears started forming in Greg's eyes. "But…but you saw what I did…Oh god!" He quickly buried his head in his hands.

Nick's heart was being torn up. He got up and moved over to sit next to Greg on his hospital bed. He cautiously put his arm around his back. "You did what you had to, to save my life. I can't be mad at you or disgusted with you. I would have done the same thing had the situation been reversed. I would have done anything to not have you had to go through that. Do you know how it felt for me to be so helpless to help you when I promised you he would never hurt you again? It kills me inside."

"I told you he was not done with me. I knew he would come back, I just never thought he would bring you into it. I'm so sorry, Nick," he said as he raised his head to look at him. His eyes were red rimmed and puffy.

"All that matters now is he is gone for good. He can't hurt anyone ever again. Now we can honestly try to put this behind us," Nick told him. Greg nodded and started pulling away from him. Nick let him. He knew this would cause a setback but he also knew that now some of that fear would be going away that Greg held knowing Jasper was still out there. Did he dare tell him about the masked man?

Nick went back to his bed and sat down. He had to spare him additional pain and not tell him about the masked man now.

Catherine and Brass came in a few minutes later. "Hey guys, how are you doing?" Brass asked as they entered the room.

"We should be okay. They said we don't have to stay overnight so that is good," Nick said to them.

"How about you tell us exactly what happened?" Brass asked them. Nick looked at Greg a moment and could tell he was not ready to talk. So he started telling them everything that happened again but in more detail, but to spare Greg further humiliation, he left out Jasper forcing him to give him a blow job.

Catherine was looking at Greg who was looking at Nick with gratefulness. "Greg, Nick's told us his side of what happened, but we really need to hear your side too."

He lifted his eyes to Catherine. He sighed heavily knowing he had to talk eventually. Knowing Nick left out the worst part made it easier for him to try to tell them what happened. "I came home and nothing really seemed out of the norm except that maybe Nick was playing music in his bedroom, but then I needed to go into his room to talk. We still are trying to make plans for Christmas. Anyway I walked in and saw Nick tied up and Jasper standing by him with a gun pointed at him. He said he came back for me. I knew he would I just never thought he would threaten Nick." He looked nervously at Nick. Nick gave him a small smile to encourage him to go on.

He proceeded to tell them how he wanted him to take off all his clothes. "He wanted to humiliate me more, in front of Nick this time. When I didn't cooperate he shot Nick to know that he meant business. I took off my clothes and he had me…" He was about to mention give him a blow job but then he remembered Nick left that out. "He had me turn around so he could see all the marks and scars he left on me. He said I would be his forever this time. He would take me and no one would ever find me. I had to do something; I couldn't take being under his control again. I quickly turned around and punched him and tripped him up by surprise and he went down. I got on top of him and tried to get the gun away. I managed to get it from him. I got up and he told me I didn't have the guts to shoot him. Then he moved suddenly to grab me and I shot him."

"You shot him five times, Greg," Catherine said to him.

He looked nervously at Nick. Nick promised him he wouldn't be in any trouble. "I don't really remember shooting him so many times. I was kind of out of it at that point. I just know I couldn't be collared like an animal again and subjected to his abuse." He felt his heartbeat speed up and started shaking again as he thought about the possibility of being under his control again.

Nick noticed his breathing starting to become more rapid. "Hey, it's okay. Remember take slow breaths. You look like you might have another panic attack and with your ribs you want to take it easy." Greg met his eyes and nodded and he tried to concentrate on calming himself down.

"You know, that's enough. Your stories match and the guy was a scum bag creep who had it coming, just don't let anyone tell you I said that," Brass said to them. He didn't want to put them through any more trauma than they already suffered.

"Thanks Jim. We appreciate that," Nick said for them.

"No problem. You two just get some rest and try to move past this. I'm going back to the station now." Brass said goodbyes and left Catherine in the room with them.

"I'm so sorry you two had to go through that. If only we could have caught him before. Anyway, since you two obviously cannot go back to your place tonight, I used one of my connections and got you two a room at the Tangiers," she told them.

Nick smiled a little. "You didn't have to, Catherine but I guess your connections are useful at times."

She smiled back. "Anything for my two favorite CSI's. You take care of each other. The day shift can help us out for a while again; they owe us for the years we had to cover their asses, so take your time in coming back to work. There will be a cab waiting for you downstairs to take you to the hotel. I'll leave you two now. Oh and the room should be under your name, Nick. Enjoy!" She said and gave him a hug. She looked at Greg then who was still shaking some. She took his hands in hers and he looked up at her. "Things will get better now. You take care, okay?" He nodded. She smiled and left them.

Nick looked at him when she left. "We'll leave once Dr. Warren comes in to see us." He paused and looked through the door window. "Speaking of, it seems she is here."

The dark haired doctor came in. "I wish I was seeing you all in a better situation. I heard what happened. How are you two holding up?" She could see Greg was jittery and looked like he was in a bit of shock still. Nick seemed worn and worried for Greg.

"We've been better. But things can only look up now that the source of our problem is dead," Nick told her.

"Greg, how about you?" She asked him.

He looked at her. "I guess what he said," he said with a weary voice.

She reached in her pocket and pulled out a couple of pills. "Greg, I think you should take these. It is a sedative that will help you relax some. I heard about your bad panic attack and I can see you are still shaking. These won't knock you out but they will help calm you down for now. Then tomorrow make sure you take your other medication. If you do not think it is strong enough, I can prescribe something stronger."

He looked at the pills in her hand before he took them from her. She poured a glass of water for him from a pitcher that was sitting on a side table. "I think the Xanax is okay," he said to her after he took the pills. He wanted to stop shaking and freaking out. If pills helped him, he was willing to take them.

"That's good. I think you two just need to get some rest for now and if you need me, you can call me. I would like to see you two in the next couple of days to check up on how you are dealing. Right now everything is still so fresh. I'll give you some time to think." She looked at Nick. "You know how to reach me. Take care, both of you."

They both said thanks to her and watched her leave. Nick stood up and gazed at his shaken boyfriend. "Let's go to that hotel and try to get some rest. I know I just want to lie down for a while. Are you ready to go?"

"Yes," he answered softly and then got up and followed Nick out of the hospital.


	19. Tears

_A/N-Once again thank you to all who have reviewed so far and continue to enjoy the story. So how does Greg react now after all this happened? Will he breakdown more or make a breakthrough? This chapter lets you know._

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Greg followed Nick down the hallway of the 28th floor of the Tangiers. Nick had got the room key from the front desk. "It was nice of Catherine to set us up here. We owe her a very nice Christmas gift," Nick said to Greg with a smirk. He was hoping to get a smile out of him but instead all he did was nod. He sighed and continued down the hall until he found their room number. He looked at the door and it said Suite 2803. He looked curiously down the hall and noticed there were not that many doors. He put the key in the lock and opened the door.

Greg looked in behind him. "Um, I think they gave you the wrong room key. This can't be ours." He stepped in behind Nick who was staring in awe at the size of the suite.

"Yeah, I think so too. I think I'll call the …is that your suitcase?" Nick asked all of the sudden spotting a blue suitcase with red beads on the zipper loops that was Greg's.

Greg walked over and examined it. "This is. Catherine said she had things set up for us so we didn't have to worry."

Nick walked over and saw his suitcase next to Greg's. "Perhaps we should call Catherine and let her know they put us in a suite. I don't think she wanted that." He took out his cell phone and speed dialed their boss.

"Hey Catherine, uh, I think the hotel made a mistake. They set us up in a big ole suite," Nick told her.

She smiled on her end of the phone. "No, no mistake. I said I wanted the best for you two; the resort is having a slow week, no big conventions in town, so Bruce said he could set you up on a suite level. I say enjoy. Now think of this as my Christmas present to the two of you. You have it for 3 nights. By then you can go back to your house, it will be cleaned up. I hope I packed decently for you two. You can always let me or Sara know if you need something else from your home. You two deserve this. Goodnight boys," she said with a smile in her voice and hung up on him so he could not argue.

He turned around and looked at Greg who was roaming around the large living room, checking the place out. "Um, apparently this is our Christmas gift from Catherine. We have it for three nights she said," he told him.

Greg looked over at him, seemingly more relaxed. Nick guessed the sedative he took earlier was working. "Wow, really? I think I've only been in places like this when a dead body is involved." He suddenly realized what he said and looked away from Nick. He thought of Jasper's dead body and wrapped his arms around himself. He walked over to the balcony doors and looked out at the sky as dusk arrived.

"Well since we're here, are you hungry?" Nick asked him.

"No, actually I think I'm going to take a shower, okay?" Greg said to him as he turned back around.

"Okay, I'm going to check out the refrigerator here, says there is food for us to eat. I'll take a shower when you are done and then maybe we can go to bed."

"Yeah" the younger man said barely paying attention to what he said. He grabbed his bag and hoped Catherine packed his toothbrush and toothpaste or the bathroom had some in there. He could still taste the vomit and Jasper. He walked into the bedroom and saw only a king bed. It was a one bedroom suite. He didn't think after what happened today he could sleep in the same bed with Nick. He figured Nick wouldn't want him near him after what he had to see him do today. He shivered slightly again.

He threw his suitcase on a bench in the room and opened it up. He sighed with relief when he saw what he was looking for. He grabbed some jogging pants and a t-shirt, along with his toothbrush and toothpaste and went for the bathroom. He immediately started with brushing his teeth. He remembered all the times he would have to just use the dripping water from the old sink in that basement. He would cup his hand under it and constantly rinse his mouth out of the foul taste he had. At least now he had the freshness of the minty toothpaste, but once was not enough. He brushed his teeth until his gums started bleeding. He then realized he needed to stop.

Next he went into the shower and took one of his usual almost scalding hot ones. He scrubbed roughly, even though Jasper had not really touched him. He still felt filthy just from the way Jasper looked at him.

He heard Nick call his name and knew he had been in there longer than he should have been. He quickly rinsed off and turned off the water. He toweled off in front of a full length mirror and shuddered looking at his nakedness. He thought he was disgusting looking now. He couldn't see how Nick could ever find him attractive or even ever want to touch him.

He shook the thoughts out of his head and put on his comfort clothes. He walked out into the spacious living room again and saw Nick munching on a bag of chips, while just staring out the window. He walked over to the sectional he was sitting on. Nick looked up at him and could tell he had taken a hot shower. He didn't say anything though. After what happened today, he couldn't blame him. He was kind of planning on doing the same thing. Even though Jasper hardly touched him, just seeing him with Greg and knowing what he had done to him and could possibly do to Nick made him feel dirty.

"Is there anything good to drink in there?" The dark blonde asked, pointing a thumb over his shoulder at the mini kitchen area in the suite.

"Bottled water, some cola and a few alcoholic beverages which you should probably steer clear of with that sedative in you."

"Yeah, I know. I'll just grab some water. You can go take your shower now. Oh and by the way, there is only a king bed in the bedroom, so you can have it. I'll crash out here on the sectional," he told Nick as he headed for the refrigerator.

"Greg, come on, it's a king bed. It's big enough for both of us to sleep in it without even touching. You need a good night's sleep and this thing will not give you one," Nick said angrily and stood up.

"Please Nick, don't push me…not after today," Greg said with fatigue.

"Fine, fine. I'm going to take my shower and go to bed then. If you want to come into the bed, you are welcome," his boyfriend responded with clear irritation. He stormed off into the bedroom and closed the door to it. He was so tired of fighting with Greg and he knew he should be more understanding but he was just a jumble of emotions about everything that happened earlier and really wanted to spend time with Greg but if he was going to be that way, so be it. He got his stuff out of his bag and then got ready to take his shower.

Greg was sipping on the bottle of water, since his throat felt dry. He decided he needed some fresh air and went over to the balcony door and opened it. It was dark now but the bright Vegas lights kept it awash in colorful lights. It was colder than he thought it would be outside so he closed the door behind him to not let the cold air into the room. He stood by the railing and looked down at the drop it would be from that floor. He shuddered a moment at the thought and backed up a little. He looked out at nothing in particular because his mind was going over the events of the day.

He was grateful Jasper didn't do anything to Nick like he did to him. He never wanted Nick to go through what he went through. He brought it upon himself by delving into the world of S&M when he was younger. It fascinated him and gave him a feeling of belonging when before that time he felt like the odd ball in everything. He just never dreamed he would become someone's obsession, someone's property, someone who broke all the rules and took it too far. But he started it and it was the price he had to pay.

He hated that Jasper threatened Nick in order for him to be humiliated in front of him. He wished Nick had never seen that. How could he ever not think of that in the future? How could he not be disgusted with him anytime he looked at him? He slid down the door and sat on the cold ground, wrapping his arms around himself without hurting his injured ribs too much.

And now he had to live with the fact that he killed a man again. Again they would say it was self-defense, but this time he really wanted this man dead. He hated him so much, he could hardly see straight once he had that gun in his hands pointed at him. He remembered pulling the trigger the first time but then he just kept seeing Jasper humiliating him and hurting him over and over again and he kept shooting until no bullets remained. He could see the blood pooling around his body and knew he was dead but still he could feel his eyes on him, leering at him like a piece of meat. And even though he was dead now and he knew he couldn't ever hurt him again, so much damage had been done, even in death he knew he would haunt him. His nightmare would never end. He lowered his head between his knees and started sobbing.

Nick had gone to lie down in bed after his shower. He didn't hear any noise coming from the other room. He was mad at Greg and yet his worry outweighed the anger. He had no right to be angry with him right now. He had encountered more traumas today and he was giving him attitude. He knew a lot of his anger was really about his own inability to stop anything that had happened. He remembered what Sara told him back when they first found Greg. She told him that even if Greg was pushing him away, more than anything he needed to be there for him. He needed someone he could trust to be there for him.

He sighed heavily and got up out of bed. He opened the door to the bedroom in the suite and didn't see him on the sectional. He became more worried and went to the suite's main door and saw that it was still fully locked from the inside. Then he turned around and looked out towards the balcony. That's when he spotted the huddled up form that was on the ground, outside leaning against the door. He frowned and walked up closer and could see that he was shaking some and looked to be crying. Suddenly he felt horrible for leaving him alone at all. He swallowed hard and opened the door slowly, so not to surprise him.

Greg's tearstained face looked up at him and then he lowered it again as the sobs shook his whole body. Nick knelt down beside him as he felt an overwhelming sense of melancholy come over him. "Hey, come on, take my hand and come inside. It's freezing out here. You don't want to get sick." He stood back up and held out his hand. Greg glanced up at him again and then held out his hand. Nick took it and helped him to his feet. Greg followed him inside and stood to the side as Nick closed the balcony door. Nick took his hand again and guided him to the sectional and they sat down.

"What's going on, Babe? You were outside in the freezing cold, crying; didn't you want me to know? I told you I am here for you," Nick said to him in a tender voice.

Greg wiped at his eyes with his sleeve. "I needed some fresh air and then while I was out there just everything came back. I mean I realized I killed him. I killed another human being for the second time…"

"It was self-defense each time, especially this time," Nick interrupted him. But Greg shook his head. "No you don't get it. I hated him so much and when I had that gun in my hand, I felt power over him finally. I'm not sure I wouldn't have shot him anyway, if he didn't move to get me. I'm glad he's dead. I was not glad Demetrius James was dead. But Jasper, I know I kept shooting because I wanted him dead. I needed to make sure he would never touch me again. But now I realize, even dead, he'll always be haunting me the rest of my life." He felt the tears coming to his eyes again. "It's just all really hitting me now," he said as he started crying again. He surprised Nick by leaning his head against his chest.

Nick wasn't sure if this was for real or not. He wrapped his arm around him tentatively and his boyfriend ended up moving closer to him as he cried against his chest. Nick emotions were mixed, he was happy Greg was finally letting him comfort him but at the same time his heart was aching for him. He rubbed Greg's arm up and down as he realized tears were coming to his own eyes.

"You've been holding this in too long. You've needed to let out these emotions. I'm here for you now. Just let it all out," Nick encouraged him.

Greg nodded against his chest. "What about you? God, I can't believe he shot you. If he had killed you…" A new fit of sobs came on.

"He didn't. I'm here, I'm here G," he said softly. He was rubbing his arms. "You feel so cold. Are you cold?"

"Hmm, I'm warmer now with you rubbing my arms." He sat with his head against his chest as his sobs subsided some. "I love you, Nick."

"I love you too," he said as he wiped his own eyes with his free hand. He didn't realize how much he missed holding him until he was able to now. He inhaled the coconut scented shampoo that Greg used. He missed being so close to smell him. He savored the moment incase Greg suddenly decided to pull away.

He saw him yawn and realized he had been up over 24 hours now. "Hey, I think it is time we get some sleep. I'll sleep out here and you can sleep in the bed," Nick offered, figuring Greg was not ready to share a bed again.

The younger man lifted his head off his boyfriend's tear-soaked shirt and looked at him. His eyes were puffy and red. "We can both sleep in the bed."

Nick's surprise was not hidden on his face. "Really! I mean are you sure? After everything that happened today?"

"I guess the question is do you want to share the same bed with me, after what happened today? I would still think you would want to keep your distance after what you saw. I mean I'm disgusting," he said, the humiliation deep his in brown eyes as tears began to fall again.

"No, no you're not. You will always be beautiful to me. I've been waiting for the day for you to share a bed with me again. What happened today…you had no choice. He would have killed me. He used me against you this time since he didn't have you tied down. He knew you wouldn't do it otherwise. I just feel horrible that after I promised you he would never hurt you again, he was able to and I couldn't stop him. I never wanted you to have to feel that humiliation again. I'm so sorry I let it happen," Nick said to him as his eyes moistened up again.

Greg shook his head. "You know, some wise guy told me to stop blaming myself for what happened. Perhaps that wise guy should take his own advice," he said with a tiny smirk.

Nick chuckled. "Yeah I suppose that wise guy should. So can we get up and move into the bedroom, which is nice and warm, by the way."

Greg nodded and then got up with a grimace. He saw Nick's concerned look. "The injured ribs, I kind of forgot I had them."

"Do you want to take some pain medication before we go?"

"Yeah, good idea." He went to find the pill bottles on the counter in the mini kitchen and opened one up to take a couple pills. He grabbed a new bottle of water and took a few swigs to get his pills down. He turned to Nick, pointing to his bandaged arm. "What about you?"

"I took some after I got out of the shower." He waited for Greg to go first into the bedroom. Greg looked at the bed a moment and saw that Nick had already pulled out the sheets on the right side he usually slept on. He then moved to the left side of the bed he would usually sleep on, when they shared their bed at home. He pulled back the sheets and looked at Nick, who was smiling before crawling into the bed. The sheets were very silky and warm like Nick had said. It felt good against his aching body.

Nick came around to his side and crawled in. He lay on his back and sighed happily. He noticed Greg move onto his uninjured side, which was facing him. He decided to turn on his side to face him too. "You feeling better now?" he asked him.

Greg smiled at him, the first smile since the events of the day. "I'd feel better if I could cuddle against you," he said with a raised eyebrow.

Nick's heart felt such warmth at hearing that. "Sure. Come here," he opened his arms so he could snuggle over and lay against his chest again.

Greg came to the realization that he had been missing out on letting Nick hold him. The safety and comfort of his strong arms around him was something he was in terrible need of. He felt guilty about it now but he didn't want to bring it up and ruin the moment.

Nick held him lightly, not wanting to hurt his ribs but he couldn't believe how good it felt to hold him again. He thought about all the time he laid alone in bed, wide awake wondering if he would ever see Greg again back when he was still missing. There were days he thought he would never have this moment he was having now with him.

"You know, I hardly slept at all when you were missing. I tossed and turned and had nightmares about what could have happened to you. I could never imagine what did happen though. I mostly thought someone had just taken you away from me. I never thought I would see you again but I couldn't give up hope. I was miserable. I just mostly remember lying in bed and crying because I missed you so much and you were just gone. It killed me that you disappeared from my life without a trace. Some at work asked if we had a fight and that maybe you just up and left me. I told them they didn't know you like I did. I knew you would never do that to me. I knew our love was real and that something terrible had to happen for you to leave my life like that. I prayed like I never did before, for you to return to me, alive. Now here you are, in my arms again. I'm going to keep you safe."

Greg took his hand and intertwined his fingers with Nick's. "I'm sorry I put you through all that."

Nick shook his head. "No, don't apologize for that. You couldn't help it. I know you would have come back to me if you had the chance. I'm just grateful you are here now. Now let's try to get some sleep."

"Goodnight Nick. And thank you for being here for me." Greg closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth and love he felt from Nick holding him.

"You're welcome," Nick replied as he closed his eyes and felt for the first time in months he might actually get a good night's sleep.


	20. Nightmares

"Get away from me! Get away!" The shouting and then the hitting woke him up. He opened his eyes and saw Greg's fists. He quickly grabbed his wrists.

"Stop it! Wake up, Greg! It's just a dream," Nick screamed at his frantic boyfriend.

Greg's eyes flew open and suddenly jumped out of bed and scrambled to the far wall. He was shaking and looking at Nick fearfully. Nick quickly sat up in bed and raised his hands in show that he was not going to hurt him. "Hey, it's okay, it's just me. It's Nick."

His body shook some from the nightmare he woke up from. It was different from anything he had before and it freaked him out, mostly because the man in the leather mask had a face this time in his nightmare and it was the man he was staring at now. He wrapped his arms around himself as he tried to calm his nerves. "It was you…" he said cryptically.

Nick gave him a curious look. "What was me?"

Greg ran his hands over his face and then through his hair, trying to shake the image from his mind. "It was a dream, Nick." He looked at him and saw he was still waiting for an answer. He sighed. "It was Jasper and that guy in the black mask. Jasper's shirt was all bloody and the man in the mask kept pointing at me, accusingly. He came closer to me and I was trying to get away from him when he suddenly said I'll never escape. Then he took off his mask and it was you." He shook his head. "It was just a nightmare." He started walking away, out of the room.

Nick chewed on his lower lip. He knew that the man in the black leather mask was still bothering him and he knew now that it was a fourth man. He pondered if he should tell him the truth or not. He thought that perhaps he should tell him just because he did have a right to know, but he also knew it would bother him for the rest of his life, wondering who it was. He lowered his head; this was not going to be easy. He got up and shuffled out into the suite's main room. Greg was sitting on the sectional, leaning his head back, eyes closed. His one hand was clutching his right side. He figured his chest was hurting again from the rib injuries. He came over to sit by him.

"Ahh, Greg…there's something I have to tell you and I wish I didn't," he started off. Greg lifted his head and was looking at him cautiously.

"What is it?"

"Jasper told me something about the man in the black leather mask…it was another man. He didn't say who but said it was someone who knew the game very well and liked to stay hidden." He watched Greg's eyes widen suddenly and then the realization kick in. He started to pale.

"So he was not Rex or Chris?" He asked, not wanting to believe another man had touched him, violated him against his will. He felt his stomach start to churn.

"I'm so sorry, Greg. When he told me I wanted to kill him just as bad as you did. He didn't give me any more details on him," he told him with a great sense of dread. He saw the signs of Greg starting a panic attack. He was starting to shake and hyperventilate. He went to reach out to him when the younger man suddenly got up and ran towards the balcony door.

"Greg, don't do anything stupid," he yelled out as the panicked man opened the door and went out on the balcony. He sprang up and followed him out, scared of what he might be thinking. He knew Greg had said he had not been suicidal but after all that happened over the last 36 hours he was not so sure anymore. They were pretty high up and the thought of Greg jumping scared him to death.

Greg needed fresh air to breathe; he ran out the door and leaned over the balcony, gasping for breath. He had thought he could finally really start to put all this behind him but with news that there was a man who he probably would never know, one who violated him a few times was still out there was enough to make him know he could never put this behind him.

He felt Nick's hand on his shoulder and he shrugged it off quickly. He couldn't have him touching him, not after the nightmare and now after this news. He heard Nick trying to tell him something but his world was spinning out of control. He looked down and suddenly felt like he might fall over the edge. He felt unwanted arms come around his waist and pull him away from the railing. "Let me go," he tried to yell out through gasps for air. His head was spinning and he felt faint. He suddenly fell limp in the arms that held him.

Nick saw his panic attack getting worse and noticed he seemed unsteady on his feet. He didn't care if Greg didn't want him to touch him. He put his arms around him and pulled him away from the railing only to suddenly have him go limp in his arms. "Greg!" He pulled him back into the room, out of the cold night air and laid him down on the sectional.

His eyes were closed and his breathing seemed to be returning to normal. He had passed out though and Nick began to desperately worry. "Hey, come on now. Don't do this to me. God, why did I tell you? I should have kept it to myself. You didn't need this after yesterday." He was running his hand over his forehead and through Greg's hair. "Come on now, wake up. Don't make me call 911."

Greg started to come back. He felt a hand running through his hair and then heard the worried voice of the man who had taken such good care of him. He heard the last comment he made. "Don't call 911 and waste their time," he said in a whisper and then opened up his eyes slowly. Nick's face was right above his. His eyes showed fright and then relief eased in.

"Don't do that to me again, you hear me?" Nick scolded him as he still ran his hands through his hair. He had been cradling Greg's head in his lap.

The younger man saw his attempt at trying to be mad but it was beaten out by the worry. "Sorry," he said impishly. He didn't move from his position though. Feeling Nick's caring touches made him feel calmer. Perhaps his fears of being touched by him were unfounded. He knew the Texan would never hurt him. "I'm sorry I've been so difficult to deal with," he apologized, realizing that it was his fears of Nick being disgusted by touching him after he had been so used that made him push him away.

"No, don't worry. You've had every right to be difficult. Heck, if I was in your position I would have handled all this so differently. I would have been angry all the time and wanting to punch walls and people. That's how I deal with things most of the time or I just break down. You hold in so much all the time. I remember when you were beaten by that gang. Most of the time you acted like nothing happened and remember how mad I would get with you because of that?"

Greg nodded and he knew he was right. He didn't like to show his true feelings half the time when he was hurting. He didn't want people to know how he was hardly sleeping or how the upcoming trials had scared the crap out of him. He had thought for sure he would be found guilty and he would lose his job. Nick luckily was around to help convince him otherwise.

"We both can be damn stubborn when we want to be but I wear my heart out on my sleeve. You, on the other hand, have it locked up and only have opened it up to your closest friends and family and me, of course. But still, through this, you have tried to take the brave road which you don't always have to do. You need to tell me your fears and what hurts you so much, because you may act like nothing is bothering you at times but damn, your eyes always give you away, Greg. Those gorgeous big eyes of yours swirl with emotion even though you do not let it show otherwise. I know you too well," he said affectionately, with a small smile. He was pleased Greg had not moved and was letting him hold him and touch him.

"So what are we going to do then? How can I go on knowing that some freak will always be out there, knowing what he did to me? I'm always going to be wondering if I see a strange man now giving me some weird eye, if he was the one." He closed his eyes as tears began to leak out of them. "I hate this; I hate this so fucking much."

Nick moved his hand to wipe the tears off Greg's cheek. "I hate it too. I hated having to tell you. I thought about keeping it to myself, but then I thought what if somehow you did find out? If somehow this guy one day approached you and said something? I rather have you be aware and not wonder what the hell he was talking about," Nick said to him.

Greg sniffled. "It's probably better that I do know but …fuck."

Nick knew what was going through his mind. He knew it was killing him to know there was another man involved that would get away with what he did. "I'm sorry Babe."

"I know," he replied softly. He kept his eyes shut and let the soft caresses of Nick's hand ease his mind some. He knew for sure now, after all of this, that Nick would never leave him. He put him through so much already and yet there he was, wiping away his tears and trying his best to wipe away the fears too. That task would never be completely finished.

"I never got to tell you, I decided to stay here for Christmas. My parents will come out and visit later next week sometime, closer to New Years. So your parents can still come," Nick said, feeling it was time to change the subject.

He opened his eyes and looked straight up into Nick's deep brown eyes. "I love you, Nick," he said and then gave him a lopsided smile.

That famous lopsided smile of his made Nick's night. "I love you too, Greggo. Do you think you can handle sleeping in bed with me again? We only slept a couple hours."

He finally sat up, causing Nick to drop his hands to his knees. "I suppose. My head is not spinning anymore and your touches always make me sleepy."

Nick grinned widely, happy to hear that. "Well perhaps you should let me do it more often then."

"Perhaps I should…let's try this sleeping thing again and hopefully no nightmares this time." He got to his feet and then so did Nick.

As they made their way to the bedroom, something else was still on Greg's mind. "What else did he tell you?"

Nick stopped suddenly and looked at him. "Jasper?" Greg had stopped too and was staring at him. He nodded.

Nick sighed. "He was a sick man, Greg. And hearing what he had to say about you being his and taking you back made me wish I had pulled that trigger right alongside with you. But other than the man with the mask, he didn't say anything you hadn't already mentioned. He did confess to killing Chris, but we already figured that one out. Just try not to think about him anymore tonight. Instead think about what you are going to get me for Christmas. I think I deserve something big," he said with a smile. He wanted to avoid Greg having bad thoughts before sleeping and dropping into another nightmare.

Greg eyed him suspiciously but then decided he was telling the truth about Jasper saying nothing more. "I can't believe Christmas is only a few days away. We never even decorated and now after this…are we sure we want to stay home for Christmas?"

Nick frowned. "I know it's not going to be easy to go back into the house after all this. I know even for me it will be weird to be in that bedroom after what happened but it'll be okay. We can't stay away forever."

Greg made his way over to his side of the bed. He got into it and laid down. His ribs were hurting so he stayed on his back. "Do you think there is any way to just forget everything that happened to me? Like erase my memory. Things would be so much easier that way," he said with a heavy sigh.

Nick had seen him grimace when he laid back. His own arm still stung some from the flesh wound. He sat down and turned to look at him. "Life isn't that easy, Greg, you know that. Remember that movie 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind'? It didn't work out so great for him when he had his memories erased."

"Hmm, yeah I guess you are right. Still sucks though." He turned his head to look over at Nick who had finally lain down on his back. He still felt guilty about the whole events with Jasper. "I'm sorry you had to see me with Jasper. If there was anything I wish could be erased, it would be that."

Nick read the sadness and regret in his eyes. "So do I, but let's not think about that now. Let's just try to get some sleep. We can talk more after we get some rest."

"Okay, sure. Goodnight again," Greg said to Nick. He stayed on his back since he was feeling sore all over now.

"Good night, G." Nick smiled at him and brushed his thumb over his cheek. He received a bittersweet smile from the younger man. Nick was just happy he didn't pull away.

After finally getting a few good hours of sleep, they woke up and ordered room service for breakfast. Nick noticed Greg picking at his food and not really eating it. "You should really eat, G. You don't want your parents seeing you and complaining about how thin you are again."

Greg lifted his head and glared at him. "I've gained back a lot of what I lost since they last saw me. I just don't have much of an appetite right now."

Nick knew why, he knew he was probably still thinking about that other man. He had to admit, he had been thinking about it too. "You know, it bothers me as much as it bothers you that there is another creep out there who took part in hurting you. I know I'll keep looking at any guy who looks at you the wrong way. I meant it when I said I wasn't going to let anyone hurt you again. I failed last time but I won't again. I promise you."

Greg offered a sad smile. "I know but you can't be with me 24/7. The job we work has its risks. You've suffered from them too. I never wanted Jasper to lay a hand on you but he did. Heck he shot you and would have killed you if given enough time. I'm just glad he is out of our lives now."

"He is but I know you are still thinking about the man in the leather mask. You have to let it go or try to, just as I have to try. Otherwise you'll never be able to move on," Nick told him.

Greg sighed, still picking at his eggs. "I know you are right."

"I think we should set up another appointment to talk with Dr. Warren. After the last 48 hours and all that has happened, we really need to get some assistance. Would you be up for another joint session with her?" Nick asked him.

Greg shrugged. "I guess it can't hurt."

"I'll give her a call then and set it up." Nick got up and got his cell phone off the table and called her. He was able to set up an appointment for the next day. "We have an appointment tomorrow," he told Greg. He saw him still looking down. Nick knew he had to do something to get both of their minds off all their troubles for a little while. "You know, this is a casino and well maybe we should go downstairs and have some fun," he said with a grin.

Greg was never into gambling. He knew Nick was not much for it either, but he often did make bets with their former co-worker and friend, Warrick Brown. The thought of the murdered CSI made him realize that he had to seize the day and not take for granted the time he had with Nick after all that happened. "Okay, sure let's go down and have some fun. Enough moping around, it's not getting me anywhere anyway."

Nick was thrilled he agreed. He was worried that he would find an excuse out of it. "Great. Let's finish up our food and then get dressed. I think we will have fun. And maybe we can win some money."

Greg smiled. He knew he had turned a new page and was finally able to think more about his future than he had before when Jasper was still alive. He had to take the gift that was given to him in having a wonderful man there to love him no matter what. He owed Nick a lot and he owed him to let loose a little. "You're on!"

_Please review...tbc_


	21. Healing

**A/N-Well once again thanks to all of my loyal readers for leaving such great reviews. I am truly touched that you all have enjoyed this story so much. There is only a couple of chapters left after this one. I might do a sequel depending on what you all think after I finish posting the last chapter. Anyways, here is another new chapter for you to read. **

* * *

Nick looked over at Greg as they drove to Dr. Warren's office. He had been quiet since they woke up that morning. They had fun playing in the casino the day before. It really seemed to take Greg's mind off of everything that had happened but now that they were headed to speak with their shrink, he knew he had to be thinking about everything again.

"We don't have to go if you really don't want to," Nick finally said to him. Greg looked over at him with melancholy eyes. "No, I think this is a good thing. It's just never easy to bring it all up again but if I am to try to move on, I need to do what I can so we can try to go back to a normal life."

Nick gave him a sad smile. "Well, just remember I'm here with you through this." He reached his hand over to Greg. His partner looked at him, took his hand and squeezed it. "Thanks," the younger man said.

They arrived at the coral colored medical office building. Dr. Warren's office was on the second floor of the three floor building. Greg followed Nick into the building. It wasn't their first time seeing her but after all that happened in the last couple of days, it was going to be uncomfortable again.

They walked up to the receptionist and she smiled at them. "You two can go right in. She is waiting for you," the young blond woman told them. They thanked her and walked into Dr. Warren's office.

The petite doctor stood up as they entered her office. "I'm glad to see you two decided to come in so soon after what happened. Go ahead and take a seat. Do you want anything to drink?" She offered them right away.

Greg nodded. "Yes, some water would be fine." His throat had been slightly sore since that night and he knew talking would aggravate it. Nick declined anything to drink.

After she brought a bottle of water to Greg, she sat down in a chair, across from the couch that the two men sat on. "So how are you two holding up after what happened at your house?"

Nick looked at Greg, who didn't seem too eager to start up the conversation, so he decided to start off. "Well, considering, I think we are doing pretty well. I think Greg has made a breakthrough."

The brunette doctor looked at him. "Is that so? What kind of breakthrough are we talking about?" She asked Greg directly. She wanted him to talk.

Greg nervously looked over at Nick who just smiled at him encouragingly. "I think Nick is referring to me finally being able to let him hold me. I guess I finally realized that after all this, especially after this last experience and what he had to see, if he was still sticking with me, he really must love me."

"You didn't believe him before when he told you he loved you?" she asked him.

"I guess I knew he loved me but I was not sure he was strong enough to put up with me after everything. I've just always felt that he should be disgusted to touch me, hold me after what Jasper did to me," Greg confessed out loud.

"I've been telling you that you don't disgust me. I don't care what marks he put on you, it doesn't change how I feel about you," Nick declared as he looked at Greg.

"It's not just the marks; it's the acts, what he made me do. You _saw it,_" he stressed as his eyes glistened with threatening tears.

Dr. Warren was feeling like there was something she was missing out on, something they had not told her. "What did he see, Greg?" She asked him cautiously. He suddenly turned to her, his eyes wide, realizing they hadn't told anyone about the oral sex Jasper forced him to have in front of Nick.

Nick quickly spoke to save Greg from doing it. "What we tell you is confidential, correct?" He asked her.

"Yes, of course it is. Is there something you left out in the police report?"

Nick nodded and glanced at Greg, who was trembling slightly. He took his hand in his. "It's okay. We can tell her Greg. She should know." He looked back at Dr. Warren. "Jasper was a sick fuck. Sorry, excuse my language but it's the truth. You know he forced Greg to strip in front of him, knowing I was there watching as he humiliated Greg at my expense. But he asked Greg to do worse."

Greg squeezed Nick's hand to get his attention. "I'll tell her," he said to him as he built up his courage. Greg looked at their doctor and took a shaky deep breath before speaking. "Jasper threatened to kill Nick if I didn't perform oral sex on him right there. He wanted to humiliate me further and purposely in front of Nick. He knew I couldn't ever let him hurt Nick. He knew my weakness. I gave in and got to my knees once again in front of him and pleasured him as Nick watched." Tears fell from his eyes as he remembered the moment and the pain and repulsion he felt about himself for performing the act in front of his love.

Dr. Melissa Warren was speechless for a moment. She had not realized they had covered up such an act. "Nick, was it your idea to not tell your fellow co-workers and Captain Brass about this?"

Nick looked away from Greg, who he had been focusing on during the tough reveal. His eyes also showed unshed tears. "Yes, I couldn't bear for him to have to go through telling everyone about that, having to relive further humiliation that, that swine, put him through. I had to protect him in some way since I couldn't prevent him from encountering Jasper again."

"Well it is good that you are telling someone else about this at least. So Greg, you thought after Nick had to witness that that he would no longer want to touch you, that he would find you somehow unworthy? Isn't that how you have been feeling all along?" she asked him.

"Yes, I guess but I just thought that this would be the end all, you know what I mean? I just thought he would only picture me that image and wouldn't want me around him at all. But then I realized he was still there for me. I broke down on the balcony in our hotel suite and he came out and held his hand out to me. There was something about that simple gesture that told me he wouldn't leave me that he would remain at my side. And then I was just so upset that I had killed another man and I hadn't even really realized I was leaning my head against his chest, crying and that his arms were around me. When I realized he was holding me and not pushing me away, I came to realize I was the one who was always doing the pushing away. He's wanted nothing but to hold me but I've been denying him due to my self-hatred. When I felt him really holding me something changed, for the good. I knew for sure he would always love me," Greg explained.

Nick was saddened when Greg said he hated himself. He should have known it and he wondered if he still did hate himself. "Do you still hate yourself?"

Greg looked at him, his eyes showing the pain he still held within his soul. "Some," he replied softly.

Nick felt the wetness on his cheeks. "Don't…I love you."

Greg nodded solemnly. "I know but unfortunately love is not a cure all."

"He's right you know," Dr. Warren spoke up. They both looked at her. "It's true. Some people are incredibly loved but yet that doesn't always cure the pain one feels inside. Sometimes it takes more. Luckily for you both, you are here and getting help. Many don't seek any help and many cannot take the pain anymore and end it all. I know I've asked you this before, Greg, but I feel I need to ask again. Do you think it would be easier to be dead right now?"

Greg looked down which scared Nick. Greg was sorting his thoughts to say what he wanted to properly. "I don't want to die now. Back in that basement or whatever the hell it was, I did. But now I know I can get through this. I know it sucks and it is really tough but because I do have Nick and my work friends' encouragement and love, I can work through this. You're helping a lot too," he said with a small smile as he looked up through his lashes at her.

She smiled back. "I'm glad to hear that. Now Nick, we've got Greg to open up a lot here today, which is fantastic but I am curious about you. You have to have some mixed feelings going on after being tied up by Jasper and being forced to watch Greg with him. How has that affected you?"

Nick swallowed hard. He was so focused on Greg and his wellbeing he never thought the conversation would turn to him. He looked at Greg, who was gazing at him with a cautious curiosity. "I guess to some extent I was also humiliated by Jasper being able to overpower me and take me as a hostage. I was furious mostly at first when he was taunting me about what he did to Greg. He told me I was a failure as a boyfriend since I could not save Greg. He also laughed at me because… he figured out Greg had not let me hold him since he had been back. He taunted me saying he had taught Greg well enough to only be with him." He noticed Greg lower his head. "I knew it was not true, Greg. I knew it was just a matter of time before you would come to me again. It's not your fault," he told him. He knew what he was thinking.

The younger man shook his head though as tears fell freely once again from his eyes. "No, it is. I was doing everything he wanted me to do, even when I wasn't in his clutches. I just never realized it."

Nick scooted closer to Greg and took his hands in his. Greg looked up at him with puffy eyes. "He was a monster. He tortured you and sexually assaulted you for months. We already know it had to have some psychological effects on you but don't blame yourself for anything he did. You're still giving him power by saying that."

"Greg, he's right. You can't let him, even in death, hold that power over you," his doctor told him.

He wiped at his eyes. "It's hard, you know. Sometimes it's just so damn hard not to. I have the memories and all that crap that just make it hard to move on and not somehow blame myself. He was my boyfriend at one time. I let him control me back then because I liked it until he asked me to do things that I wouldn't do and then he became abusive. It became difficult over those months he held me to not blame myself because he kept reminding me of those old days. He kept reminding me that I came to him originally and that it was my fate to be his. Deep down I know I am not responsible but I can't help those feelings from surfacing at times. It's still going to take me awhile," he told them truthfully. His throat was dry. He grabbed the water and took a swig.

"We don't expect you to be 100% back to normal but we just want to know that you are heading in the right direction and not hiding things from us about how you are really feeling," Nick said to him this time.

"He's correct, Greg. I think we've covered a lot of ground in this session. Is there anything else you wanted to bring up this session?" The female shrink asked them.

Greg looked nervously at Nick before speaking. "Jasper told Nick that there was a fourth man involved in tormenting me. The man I thought was Chris in the black leather mask, all dressed in full black that came down a few times, he was not Chris."

Nick filled in the details. "Jasper told me that his friend in the black mask was the only one who was smart enough to never reveal himself and keep his mouth shut. He is still out there and we don't know who he is."

Dr. Warren sighed and looked at Greg. She felt so bad for him. It was going to be harder to move on knowing someone was still out there who had violated him. "Do you remember anything much about this man, Greg?"

He shook his head woefully. "Not really. For some reason, whenever he was in the room, Jasper felt the need to force me to drink liquor. I wonder now if the liquor was spiked with something because my memories of those times are very vague to none. I remember him hardly speaking. I know why I thought he was Chris because his eyes, which were pretty much only what I really saw of him, were similar to Chris's. He wore a condom also which Chris did on occasion, which I found odd about him. I don't know. I just wish it had been Chris. Now I'll always be wondering if I see anyone in a mask like that, if it is him. Or even if someone is looking at me weird, I will be thinking, is he the one?"

"It's not going to be easy, far from it. But remember your support system will be there for you every moment. I am happy to know you are finally letting Nick comfort you physically again. That is a huge step in your moving on. I think we've said a lot today and I think it is all good that has come out. It can only help you heal more. I'll see you two after the Christmas holiday. I want to keep seeing you both at least once a week. I think these joint sessions are the best for the both of you. Greg, I want you to keep up with taking the Xanax. Nick mentioned the panic attack you had yesterday when he called. You will get some in extreme stress but at least it is helping control them overall. Do you two have any questions for me?"

"I want to thank you for taking us today at short notice. You've helped us immensely," Nick said to her.

Greg nodded now that he had collected himself. "Yes, Nick is right. At first I hated the thought of talking to a stranger about all this but you have made it comfortable for me and have been understanding. Thank you. I hope you have a Merry Christmas," he said with a smile that was genuine.

"You too, both of you. See you in about a week."

As they left the office, Nick felt so proud of Greg for being able to open up so much today. He really was making progress. He was so scared that after the incident with Jasper, he would withdraw into himself even more, but just the opposite happened.

"You are so amazing," he said to him. Greg turned his head and gave him an odd look.

"What?"

"You! You are amazing. After what you went through less than 48 hours ago, today you were amazing. You opened up so much. I'm so proud of you," Nick smiled at him.

Greg blushed a bit, not feeling so deserving of the praise. "I just have been holding in so much, I realized it did feel better to let some of it out. You're the one who is amazing for putting up with me through all this shit. I wouldn't still be here if it was not for you. I would not have made it out of that place if it was not for you. I owe you for my life. I promise to make up for it in time." He offered one of his crooked smiles. It made Nick's heart warm.

"You don't owe me anything but let's not start an argument because I know we will," he chuckled. "What do you want to do now? Go back to the Hotel?"

"Yeah, if you don't mind, I'm still kind of tired. I could use some more sleep."

"Sure, babe, anything you want. I could use some sleep too. Let's take advantage of that big ole suite we got. Then maybe after some sleep we can hit the casino again. We were on a winning streak last night," Nick said to him.

Greg thought about the night before. He had only played $50 on the slot machines and ended up taking back with him $350. Nick didn't do as well but still made money instead of lost. "Okay, sounds like a plan," he said with a smile.


	22. New Beginnings

_A/N-Howdy folks! Sorry, I've had a busy week and really have not had time to reread and post the next chapter. There will be only one more chapter after this one. I'm still pondering doing a sequel. Not sure I have the time to do one or not. I'll just have to see. In any case, I am really glad so many of you have enjoyed this story. Thanks again for all the great reviews!_

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The last few days Nick and Greg had taken advantage of the hotel accommodations and the casino. They had both won a little money but nothing grand. They had tried their best to not talk about what happened and instead enjoyed each other's company for the first time in a long time. Greg continued to sleep in the same bed and let Nick hold him until he fell asleep. He still would wake from a nightmare here and there but nothing too serious, as hitting him like he had the other night. Nick felt that his boyfriend was finally coming around and feeling more comfortable in his presence.

Now they were pulling into the driveway of their house. The crime scene had been cleared and the cleanup was completed. Catherine and Sara had seen to it that the place was as close to as it had been prior to Jasper invading their home, with maybe a few extra touches.

Greg sat in the passenger seat, nervously clenching and unclenching his fist. Nick knew it was not going to be easy for him to enter their bedroom and wondered if it was such a good idea for them to go back into it. He hated that Jasper had used their bedroom to do what he did. He knew it would somehow always feel tainted by him.

Nick got out of the car first and then waited on Greg who fidgeted getting his luggage out of the back seat. "Come on, Greg. We can't avoid it forever. I know this is not easy but it is still our house. We have to ignore what happened in it or at least try not to think about it."

Greg looked up at him and then sighed. "I know." He pulled his bag out and closed the car door. He followed behind Nick, who got out his keys to unlock the door. He opened it up and heard the alarm warning. He told Greg to hurry up and get in so he could reset the alarm. Greg rushed past him and stopped as he entered the living room. He was shocked at what he saw. A slow smile spread over his face. "Wow!"

Nick turned around to see why he said what he did. He came up behind Greg and smiled himself. In the corner of the living room, by the patio door stood their Christmas tree all decorated with the lights even on. "It had to be Catherine and Sara. They said they were going to make sure the place was put back in order. I am sure they knew we had no time to decorate."

Greg dropped his bag on the floor and walked up to the tree, forgetting everything else. He started looking at the tree and saw what he was looking for. "Look, they found the ornament you gave me on our first Christmas together." He pointed to it on the tree. Nick walked up closer and saw the red glass ball that had Nick and Greg written on it. He smiled, remembering that Christmas morning.

It had been their first one. Greg had only lived with him for a couple months but he already knew at that time that they would be together for years to come. Nick had the ornament customized. He had given Greg some CD's and a few shirts and stuff but the ornament was something more personal and meaningful. He remembered Greg opening it and his surprised expression and then the kiss that he earned after it. Thinking of that kiss made him realize it had been about six months now since they had kissed. Greg still hadn't got that intimate yet and Nick was not going to force him into anything he was not ready for.

"That's really nice of them to do this for us. We really have some wonderful friends. We have to make sure to get them really good gifts, even if they do come after the holiday itself," Nick said to him. He decided to take a look around the rest of the house. He picked up his bag and Greg's and took them into the main bedroom. He walked in slowly and saw that everything seemed almost back to normal. He did catch the scent of deodorizer and the patch in the wall from where the bullet that had grazed him ended up. He heard footsteps behind him and turned and saw Greg coming in. He followed his eye path to see the first thing he looked at was the ground where Jasper's body had laid dead the last time they were there. He looked back at him and could see a slight shaking. Greg seemed to sense him noticing and he wrapped his arms across his chest and looked away towards the bed.

"You know, the bed in the second bedroom is a queen. We can both sleep there for a while, if you do not mind. Until you are ready to come back to the main bedroom here," Nick suggested, seeing how uncomfortable his boyfriend seemed still to be in that room.

Greg shook his head though. "No, I can't avoid everything forever. If I am to move past all this, I cannot let what happened in here get to me like that." His eyes met Nick's. "We'll sleep in here tonight. Besides, my parents might decide to stay with us and they'll need that second bedroom then. We should really unpack our things and get this place in ship shape for my parent's arrival. They'll be here tonight. I can't believe it's Christmas Eve already."

"I know. Okay, let's forget about all the bad stuff and think of the future," Nick said to him.

They spent that afternoon and getting the place ready for visitors. Greg had gone to the airport to pick up his parents. They were thrilled to see him and see that he was in far better shape than he had been the last time they saw him. They ended up taking Nick and Greg out for an expensive dinner. Luckily for the guys, his parents decided to stay at a hotel instead of interrupting their home life. Nick was thrilled because he wanted some true alone time with Greg.

"So we'll come by at around 1pm tomorrow. We'll let you guys sleep in," Greg's father said to them as they were walking out the front door.

"Thanks Dad. We should have the food going by then. I love you two and have a safe drive to the hotel," Greg told his parents before he hugged them goodbye. Nick gave them hugs too and waited for Greg to finish walking them to their rental car they had decided to get.

Nick was sitting on the sofa by the light of the Christmas tree when Greg came back in. After setting the security alarm, Greg walked into the living room and sat next to Nick. "It's been a nice day with my parents but I am glad they are not staying with us. I like some quiet time without them around," he said to Nick with a smirk.

"I agree. Plus it gives me the opportunity to try something again with you." His partner gave him a curious look. Nick smiled knowing Greg was thinking something else. He reached behind him and pulled out a small box. Greg looked down at the box and smiled, figuring out what it was now.

"I presume that is for me," he said pointing to the box. Nick nodded. "I'm hoping this time around you will take it."

Greg took the box from Nick's hand and opened it up. It was the same ring he had tried to give him over a month ago and he had said he was not ready. This time was different though. He knew where he stood in the relationship. He handed the box back to Nick, with the ring still in it. Nick suddenly looked hurt. Greg smiled. "I was hoping you could put it on my finger, as cheesy as it may be."

Nick suddenly breathed a sigh of relief. "You had me going there, Greggo. I will gladly place this ring on your finger." He was going to grab Greg's hand when suddenly he pulled his hand away.

"Wait! I got a surprise of my own." Greg suddenly got up and ran off into their bedroom. He came back a minute later and sat down. He had a big grin on his face. He held out a small box. "This is for you."

Nick was shocked. He didn't expect Greg to get him anything. He told him he was just happy to have him alive and with him. He took the box and opened it and found an identical ring to the one he got for Greg. He picked it up and looked at it more closely. There was an inscription. "For my personal savior, love always, Greg." Nick felt his eyes get moist. He looked up at Greg who seemed timid all of the sudden. "You are my personal savior. I would not be here right now if it was not for you. I can't ever thank you enough," Greg said to him.

Nick lifted his hand to his face to wipe away a tear that fell from his eye. "You've already thanked me enough just by being here and giving me this. Now may I place this ring on your finger?"

"Only if I can put my ring on your finger," Greg said to him with a small smile.

"Of course," Nick said. He took his left hand and placed it on his finger next to his pinkie. Greg did the same thing with Nick's hand. They both ended up staring at their left hands with their rings on them.

"So does this mean we are married?" Greg asked with a smirk. Nick smiled at him. "Perhaps someday we can make it legal but for now this is good enough. We know how we feel about each other and that is all that matters."

"You know, a couple of months ago, I would have never thought I would be here now. I thought for sure I would be dead from being beaten so badly or just starvation. I never really dreamed I would be here with you on Christmas Eve. If anything I thought I would still be in that hell hole, chained up like an animal. But here I am, sitting with the man I love, by our beautiful Christmas tree. I'm so lucky," Greg said to him.

Nick reached up and touched Greg's face tenderly. "I'm the one who's lucky. I'm so lucky you are back in my life. Those four months made me realize just how much I needed you in my life. I love you Greg, so much it hurts sometimes."

Greg reached out to touch Nick's face. "I have another gift for you," he said with a smile. He leaned forward and pressed his lips against Nick's for a kiss. Nick was not expecting it and pulled away suddenly.

Greg sat back, his face flushing from embarrassment and hurt. He thought this is what he wanted; maybe he was disgusted with him after all. "I…I'm sorry. I just thought," he felt like he was going to burst into tears so he got up quickly. He felt his arm being grabbed.

"No, I'm sorry. I just…you just surprised me. Please, don't go. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings," Nick said to him quickly. He pulled him back down to the sofa. Greg wouldn't look at him now and he knew why. He could see his hand shaking some. He knew he did upset him. He was finally trying to deal with his intimacy issues and Nick made him feel like he didn't want it. He put his finger on his chin and lifted his head up to look at him. He saw the hurt swirling in his eyes. "Damn it. I didn't mean to hurt you. You just took me by surprise."

"I thought…I thought that maybe you really are disgusted with me," the younger man said with a shaky voice, the pain still evident in his eyes.

"God, no. No, I told you before you don't disgust me. I love you," Nick said to him, tears in his eyes. He didn't want this to happen. He didn't want him hurting again. "No, I want you. I want you so badly." He leaned forward and looked into the emotional big eyes staring back at him. "I want to kiss you now, if I can."

The younger man nodded slowly. Nick moved forward and pressed his lips against Greg's slightly chapped ones. He felt Greg parting his mouth open and Nick took that as a good sign and snaked his tongue into the warm mouth of his lover. He missed the taste of the younger man.

Greg felt warmth traveling through his whole body as the Texan deepened the kiss. He placed his hands around the back of Nick's neck and pulled him closer to him. Suddenly the taste and feel of Nick was everything to him; his warm skin under his fingers and the taste that was Nick. It had been so long he had not realized how much he missed being with him. He needed to have more of him. He moved his hands down and under the shirt Nick wore. His hands touched the muscled chest and moved up to his nipples. He heard the older man groan into his mouth as he worked his nipples into hard peaks.

Greg finally broke the kiss and stared seductively into Nick's eyes. He had this surprising hunger come over him. "I want more of you, I need you," he growled and then took the bottom of Nick's shirt and pulled it off over his head with his assistance. Then he latched onto his neck and started ravenously kissing down his neck, to his chest.

Nick wasn't sure what got into Greg all of the sudden but he was not going to stop him. He was so wrapped up in feeling the hot breath of Greg on his body that he didn't care. He felt the wet mouth on his nipples and groaned as they were teased with teeth. "Greg, I love you so much," he said as the man's mouth moved down his chest, edging closer to where his cock was already straining against the jeans that held him in.

"We should….we should take this into the…fuck Greg…into the bedroom," he panted as the younger man continued his assault on his body. Greg suddenly lifted his head, his eyes dark with lust. "Into the bedroom then." He sprung up and took Nick's hand and dragged him into the bedroom. Nick followed eagerly.

Greg spun Nick around and pushed him onto his back, onto the bed. He looked hungrily down at the older man. He was his, all his to command. He felt his cock hard against his pants. "Take off your pants," he said with command in his voice to Nick. Nick shimmied out of his pants and underwear, allowing Greg to do whatever he wanted with him.

He stared at the beautiful man before him, naked and suddenly felt self-conscious about getting naked himself. "On your stomach, I want to make love to you," he said to Nick. Nick saw a flicker of doubt and maybe embarrassment in his eyes before he went ahead and turned onto his stomach. Greg was now able to pull down his pants, knowing Nick couldn't really see him. He reached over to the nightstand and hoped it was still supplied with lube and condoms. He found what he needed. He stuck one finger into Nick's hole and heard the pleasure filled moan from the older man. He worked his way to three fingers, preparing him properly. Thoughts of how often he was not prepared properly and how the pain he would be in had entered his mind. He shook his head from those thoughts. He couldn't let them in now and ruin the moment.

"Come on, fuck me already," Nick groaned. He had been waiting for this moment for what seemed like forever. The voice set Greg's mind straight and he rolled the condom onto his already leaking cock. He entered Nick slowly. "God, Nick, you feel so good. So tight, so beautiful," he said as he started a slow pace, just enjoying the feel of being in control after so long of having no control. He heard the moans below him and they drove him to pick up his pace.

"Oh Greg, yeah, right there…ohhh, fucking so good," panted Nick into the pillow as he felt Greg's pace get harder and hit his spot more and more. With his one hand he started stroking his own hard length that was close to coming.

"I'm going to fuck you so hard," Greg growled in a low voice. Nick suddenly realized Greg's thrusts were getting more on the side of painful. "Greg!" He called out as the younger man's pace became almost frantic. He came on the sheets below him as Greg pumped furiously into him.

Greg got lost in the feeling of being in control and didn't realize how rough he had gotten until his own release came into the condom. He was panting and realized that Nick had called out his name in what sounded like pain just before he came. He pulled out quickly and turned his back to Nick. He discarded the condom as tears started to fall from his eyes. He felt horrible. He pulled up his pants and sat on the edge of the bed. He knew he had gone too far and had hurt Nick. He knew for a moment he had let those thoughts creep back in and for a moment he thought he was fucking Jasper hard just like he had to him so many times. He wanted to hurt him like he had been hurt.

Nick noticed that Greg had not said anything and had pulled away quickly. He turned over and saw Greg's still clothed back to him, his head hanging low. He sat up and put his hand on Greg's shoulder. It was quickly pushed off. "Greg?"

He saw him shake his head. "I'm so sorry, I don't know what got into me," he said trying to hide the fact that he was crying but Nick could tell. He was shaking some. Nick moved closer to him and put his hands on his shoulders and made him turn to face him. He saw the tears streaming down his face. He put his hands on his face and lifted it to look into his eyes. The pain and humiliation swimming in them broke Nick's heart.

"You didn't hurt me. I mean it hurt a little but I'll be okay. I know you didn't mean to," he said as his own eyes moistened. Greg tried to remove his hands from his face but he didn't back down. "No, you aren't pushing me away this time. I knew going into this, I knew that there would still be issues you needed to work out if we became intimate again. But I love you Greg." He released his face as Greg stared at him in silence. Nick took his left hand. "I gave you this ring for a reason. I'm in this with you for the long haul, through whatever life throws at us. I know you still have a lot of demons to deal with and it's not always going to be easy between us, but today you surprised me. You made love to me and yes, it was a bit rough towards the end but still you were comfortable enough to be with me again. That's the best gift you could have given me," he said with a smile as he wiped his thumb over his cheek to wipe away the tears.

His shaking had subsided. He gazed into loving brown eyes and lifted his own hand to wipe away tears that had fallen on the older man's face. "How is it you know what to say to make me feel better? I love you so much for being so understanding." He leaned forward and kissed him. Nick eagerly accepted the kiss from the man he loved.

After a minute Greg pulled back and sighed. He picked up Nick's left hand and stared at the ring on it. "I guess you are right, I do have a lot of demons still hanging around." He looked up at him with a small smile. "I'm just glad you are being patient with me. I don't know what I did to deserve you but whatever it was, I am grateful."

Nick smiled back at him. "I'm the one who often wonders what I did to deserve you…so I guess we are even." He suddenly realized he was completely naked while Greg was fully clothed. "You know, I think it is time for us to get some sleep so we can be prepared for tomorrow with your parents. Since I am still sort of sticky I'm going to jump in the shower."

Greg blushed a little realizing Nick had cum on his stomach. "Uh, I'll clean up the sheets and turn off the lights in the living room while you shower. Then I'll take one after you and we can go to sleep."

"Sounds good to me," Nick said before sneaking in one more kiss before he headed to the bathroom. "Love you," he said as he stood up and walked to the bathroom.

Greg stared at him leaving, admiring the man's perfect ass. He still wondered how Nick could find him attractive after all that happened. He was just happy he did.


	23. Pieces Coming Together

**A/N- Well here it is, the final chapter. Again I do have thoughts on doing a sequel and mostly depending on all your responses and time on my side, I might do one. But I truly want to thank each and every one of you who took time to review again and again. I so appreciate your responses for being so positive. Hopefully this ending does not disappoint. :)**

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Greg stood in the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes from their meal. They had finished their meal of ham, scalloped potatoes, green beans and a strawberry cheesecake a few hours prior but they just piled the dishes in the sink to deal with later. His parents had only left a few minutes ago after spending most of the day with him and Nick. He was going to drive them to the airport the next morning.

He felt hands come around his waist and a head rest on his shoulder. "Hmm, you're very sexy when you are cleaning up the dishes," the voice whispered in his ear. He snorted. "Yeah, sexy with soap all over my hands. I thought you were going to look at the work calendar to see when we can free up time next year to use that condo my parents got us in the Cabo?"

"I did and well we are probably going to have to wait until at least April since we've both used all of our time plus extra recently," Nick said to him as he started to nibble on his lover's ear.

"Ahhh, well it's not like we could help it." He leaned his head back a moment to let Nick nibble down his neck. "Uh, God, you know I really missed this. You also know that I can't get much work done when you are doing that to me."

"Hmmm, that's the idea." Nick turned him around and laid a kiss on his lips as he pushed his hands down to his sides. "I think we should move this someplace more comfortable," he said as he broke the kiss momentarily.

"Hmm, yeah but what about the dishes?" Greg asked as he let Nick maneuver him out of the kitchen.

"The dishes will still be there later. I just want to have you all for myself now," Nick said to him in a husky voice as he led him into the bedroom. He stopped before the foot of the bed and started kissing him again. Greg felt a little dizzy with Nick's onslaught of affection. Next thing he knew he felt Nick's hands go under his shirt hem and pull it up off of him. Suddenly he felt very self-conscious and stepped back against the edge of the bed.

"Uh, you know after the fiasco last night I'm not so sure we should be doing this again," he said nervously. He wrapped his arms around his chest. Nick looked at him seriously and placed his hands on his folded arms.

"I know you are still a bit freaked out but you shouldn't be. And stop covering yourself," he told him as he pulled his arms free and pushed them down to his sides. "You're still beautiful to me," he told him as he gazed lovingly at his scarred torso. To show him, he made him sit down on the bed. He then proceeded to take off his own shirt and place his hand on Greg's chest. He pushed him gently onto his back. He hovered above him and started placing delicate kisses down his neck, to his chest, making sure to kiss every scar that was clearly visible. He felt Greg shudder a bit under him. He picked up his head to look into his eyes a moment. "Does it hurt?"

The younger man shook his head. "No, just some are sensitive and… it sort of tickles," he said with a lopsided grin.

"Ticklish is good. I like ticklish," he said and then proceeded to lower his head again and place his mouth on Greg's left nipple. As he started to lap his tongue at it, he felt Greg buck a little under him. He moved to the other one and pulled with his teeth at it.

"Fuck, Nick," he heard the younger man groan with pleasure. Nick smiled to himself and then continued a slow pace of kissing and licking down his chest, every once in a while dealing with Greg squirming under his touch.

He reached the waistband of Greg's sweatpants and saw the tenting, knowing he was doing the job well. He looked up and saw Greg cautiously watching his every move. He grabbed the waistband and waited for Greg to slightly lift himself up so he could pull his pants and underwear off. He saw a slight trembling in his lover's body and knew he was trying his best not to freak out about being naked in front of him. He looked down at the throbbing cock and couldn't help but notice a burn scar on his inner thigh. He clenched his jaw a moment hating what they did to him, no wonder he was looking so freaked out. He was giving up the control he had the night before and letting Nick be in control. He lowered his head and kissed the scar and then made his way over to his balls and cock.

"I want to taste you. I've missed your taste and smell so much," he told the younger man who still trembled slightly and gazed at him. He licked the leaking tip and saw Greg's head tilt back and heard him moan. He licked up the vein in his shaft and then proceeded to take it entirely into his mouth.

Feeling Nick's hot mouth engulf his cock sent Greg into pure pleasure. He had forgotten what it was like to be pleasured and not the one giving it. "Nicky, please," he pleaded as the man carefully sucked him off.

"Oh Nicky, oh fuck," Greg warned before spreading his essence down Nick's throat. Nick took him all and savored every last drop. Six months it had been since he had been with him, since he had tasted him. He wanted it to last.

Greg was breathing heavily; it was so long since he felt like this. All he remembered was the being the object of others satisfaction. Jasper and his gang of creeps never let him get off. He remembered when he got hard Jasper took advantage of that cock ring getting placed on him and the pain it caused him.

Nick's cock was aching and wanted to be inside Greg so much but he had to wait until he was sure he was okay with it. He sat back on his legs and looked down at Greg, who seemed to in ecstasy. He leaned down over him and whispered in his ear, "How you feeling, Babe?"

"Incredible," he said with a happy sigh.

"I want to make love to you, Greg. Can I make love to you?" Greg opened his eyes and looked into the trusting brown eyes above him. He was hesitant to say yes. He knew it was going to be painful and then he feared his own thoughts.

"I'll take it slow and you can tell me to stop if it bothers you too much," Nick said to him.

Greg nervously nodded his head. "You can but make sure you wear a condom."

Nick frowned. He knew Greg was still worried about possibly having some sexually transmitted disease even though so far he tested negative. "Of course I will." He reached over and picked out the lube and a condom from their nightstand drawer.

Greg grabbed a pillow and placed it under his hips. He was nervous and hoped Nick didn't notice.

Nick put some lube on his finger. "I'm going to slowly put in one finger," he told him. He saw Greg nervously nod. He slowly slid in his finger and felt Greg tense up immediately. "Easy, you need to try to relax some," he told him. He nodded again and tried closing his eyes to concentrate on feeling Nick's finger inside him. Nick gradually added another finger and felt him tense again. He could feel him trembling. He wasn't sure he wanted to continue since he seemed to be reacting so strongly. It wasn't until he heard Greg tell him to keep going that he added a third finger. He tried working his channel open more but the muscles were still tensed up. He could also feel some scar tissue and it pained him.

Greg was starting to have flashbacks as he felt some pain. _"I'm going to ram my fist up your ass, then you'll know what pain is," _he remembered Jasper telling him one time. He didn't realize he was starting to hyperventilate until he heard Nick's voice. "Hey, hey Greg. Open your eyes and look at me, Babe. It's Nick, no one else. Just me." He opened his eyes and saw Nick's worried face looking at him. "If you want me to stop I will. I don't want to hurt you."

Greg shook his head, trying to fight back tears. "No, I just…I just need to keep eye contact with you. I'll be okay. Keep going. I need to create new memories to forget these others."

Hearing that broke Nick's heart but it also helped him to go forward. "Okay, then keep your eyes on me. I'm going to go now." His cock was leaking as he rolled the condom on. He approached Greg's entrance and then pushed in. He heard Greg grimace and temporarily close his eyes only to open them again and refocus on him. He had his mouth open, taking slow breaths. He knew he was hurting but he pushed in all the way to just have him get use to his girth. He felt so tight he was not sure how long he was going to be able to hold out.

"Move Nick, slowly, okay?" Greg said to him, trying not to show the pain he was in. He didn't think it would hurt as bad as it was but after the abuse he took and the scar tissue that formed after it caused for a lot of pain.

Nick started to a slow rhythm, staring down at Greg. He could see he was in pain and he wanted to stop but he also knew that Greg would probably be mad if he did. "Greg, damn you are so tight, I'm not going to last long." He picked up his pace a little bit and must have hit the right spot as Greg suddenly bucked under him and swore.

"That's it, right there Nick, fuck," he swore as his lover rubbed against his prostrate again. The pain was starting to give way to pleasure as Nick continued to hit the spot over and over. "God Nick…oh my …thank you. I love you so much," he said as he started to lose himself in Nick's rhythm.

"Love you Greg," Nick yelled out as he finally felt his release. He collapsed on top of Greg, burying his head in the crick of his neck. He proceeded to lift his head and kiss Greg on the forehead. He gazed down at him. His lover smiled up at him, bringing his hands to his face. He pulled his face down to him so he could kiss him thoroughly.

"Merry Christmas, Nick," he smiled as Nick lifted his face back up.

"Merry Christmas, Greggo," Nick said with a smirk. He finally moved and pulled out of Greg. He discarded the condom and then lay back down next to Greg. Greg turned onto his side and Nick wrapped his arms around him.

"I didn't hurt you too much, did I?" He asked him now that they were resting.

"No, I'm okay now. It hurt but it wasn't that bad. I've suffered much worse."

Nick sighed. He brushed his lips over the old scars on his upper back from the lab explosion years ago. "I don't want to hurt you," he whispered to him.

Greg turned over and faced him. He brushed his thumb over his cheek. "You can never hurt me, not purposely. I know that and you know that. A few more times and I am sure I will be over it. After a while I just learned to ignore the old pain. It was only the new pains that caused me so much agony. But I'm okay now. No more cutting myself or anything like that. I know I have you and you are what's getting me through every day."

"I am happy that you stopped hurting yourself. I think that scared me more than you realized. Knowing you were doing that while I was around and I hadn't noticed really bothered me. Knowing that I wasn't enough for you back then was hurtful to me," he admitted to him.

"No, it wasn't that you weren't enough for me. You were always there but I didn't want to burden you. I wanted to solve my problems my own way, granted I picked a crappy way and it really didn't work I guess but at the time it felt right. But now, I know if it was not for you always being there for me it would have been far worse."

Nick brushed a hand through his hair, studying his face. "Well we are past all that now, aren't we?"

Greg smiled. "Yeah, we are. I think I finally believe I will be okay. I mean here we are in the same room I killed Jasper in and I'm able to let you make love to me, as it should be. I should have never let him taint this room with his acts. But that foul, disgusting pig is out of our lives for good. And I know I'll keep wondering about that other man but I know I can't let it ruin what I have with you. Since you seem to be willing to accept me as I am, marked and all, I have to move forward with my life."

"Hmmm, turn over on your stomach," Nick told him. Greg gave him a curious look not sure what he wanted to do. "Come on, I'm not going to hurt you. You know that." Greg nodded and swallowed hard before turning over onto his stomach. He felt Nick pull down the sheets to reveal his complete nakedness. He felt his self-consciousness kicking in again and looked behind him at Nick who was looking at his back.

"Uh, you know I really hate being like this. It makes me uncomfortable," he told his dark haired lover.

"You said you were marked. I was looking for what you were talking about," he said to him.

Greg laughed nervously. "Uh, you know what I am talking about Nick." Suddenly he felt Nick's fingers on his backside, warm to the touch. He felt his fingers walking over his skin. He felt the fingers stop and then a kiss be placed on what he knew was a scar from the sensitivity of the skin.

"I see scars but nothing that declares anything in particular. But perhaps you are talking about this," he said to him as he placed his fingers over the initials burned into his skin that read JM. "I thought that the JM stood for Just Mine, you know, like you'll always be just mine. But perhaps it could stand for nothing at all." He leaned down and kissed the marking. "See I love every part of you, even something like that."

He looked back at Greg who had buried his head in the pillow. He realized he was crying. He pulled the sheets back up over them and then put his hands on his back. "Hey, I didn't mean to make you cry," he said somberly. Greg turned suddenly and buried his face in Nick's chest, sobbing. Nick wrapped his arms around him, running his one hand up and down his back in a soothing manner. "Hey, it's okay. Don't cry." He hated hearing him cry. After so many years of barely seeing the man even remotely cry, the last month and a half had been a revelation. Nick had always been the crier and Greg was the one to soothe him but it seemed they had traded places recently. But anytime Greg cried, it tore Nick apart too. He hated knowing there was still so much hurt inside him.

"Shhh, Baby, its okay," he said to him again, just holding him close as his sobbing subsided.

Finally after a couple minutes Greg raised his head and looked at Nick with puffy red eyes. "I'm sorry. It's just what you said, it just hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't hold back."

Nick shook his head. "It's fine. I just wanted you to know you don't have to worry about how I feel about you. Nothing that was done to you can make me love you less…if anything it makes me love you even more. You've come back from such a horrific four months with so much strength. You shake your head…you think you haven't but you have. I've told you before, I think I would have dealt with all this completely differently than you have. You are such a figure to look up to in dealing with what you have. Aside from the self-cutting, you've held up really well. I would have probably been locked away in the crazy bin by now, especially knowing some guy was still out there. No but here you are, with me, allowing me to make love to you, to hold you and comfort you. I was willing to wait longer but you surprised me and were ready."

"Nick, you give yourself too little credit. You dealt with being buried alive fairly well. I am not so sure I would have done as well. Given the chance to kill myself after all those months, if someone had put a gun in my hand I would have pulled the trigger," he told him.

"Yeah but the difference was, I was about to pull that trigger after only a few hours buried. You were there 4 months and still came back to me. You told me yourself you were not suicidal because you had me."

"That was after you found me…before I would have if someone gave me the chance. I tried to starve myself but Jasper forced food down my throat when I did. He didn't want me to die, he just wanted me weak enough to put up no fight. He wanted me as his eager and willing slave, neither of which I ever was. He just did enough damage to destroy any spirit I had left in me and gave up the fight," he told him.

Nick shook his head. "Let's not talk about this anymore. Let's not say who is braver, stronger or whatever. I just want us to be us, to enjoy that we have each other."

Greg smiled at him. He picked up Nick's left hand and ran his index finger over the silver band on his finger. "I agree. I just want us to be happy and enjoy the life we have created with one another. The day you walked into my life was the best day ever."

"And the day you said you would go out with me was the best day for me, besides last night when you finally took the ring and agreed to wear it. Now everyone will know we are dedicated to each other," he nuzzled up to Greg and kissed him.

Greg kissed him back. "Nicholas Stokes, you saved me. I love you."

"I love you too, G. Now how about we clean those dishes," he chuckled.

Greg laughed. "I wondered how long you could let those go undone. Last one to the kitchen is a rotten egg." He gave Nick a sly grin and then sprang out of bed in all his nakedness and ran to the kitchen. Nick laughed, seeing the old Greg coming back. He got up and didn't bother putting on any clothes either to join his lover in the kitchen.


End file.
